4 Days Seems Like A Century

Is it inherently co-dependent to miss a friend? Raven hasn’t been around for around 4 days now. My mood has gotten worse and worse. It may also have something to do with the fact that we’ve not been eating properly, but.

I promised her and myself that I wouldn’t become co-dependent. On Wednesday, I even told her specifically that I would understand if she wasn’t around for a few days. But I’m starting to realize what a huge hole is left when she is not around. Days melt into each other and seem wholly useless, and I am left with too many system issues and personal issues left unshared, and I feel repressed and disgusted.

I don’t blame anyone but myself for this. I should know better than to rely on anyone for those particular things. The only person I can rely on is myself. There is no one on this planet who is so reliable that they will be there for me no matter the day nor hour. And I shouldn’t expect anyone to be on call 24/7, but. 4 days seems like a century.

I’m tired of stalking the internet when I’m not even in the mood to be online, just so I can be available as much as possible. Not fronting much means I want to be available when I can, but this is too much. Time to let someone else front for a few days. Fuck it.