i just want to be normal

i am worried about Easter – but personally..

i am worried about my libido lately – it has been much higher than i am used to which would be fine except it is really distracting and comes with a lot of unfamiliar emotions

i feel so self negative and dirty and guilty – it doesn’t feel like who i should be personally or as a protector – it isn’t directly useful towards anything

maybe what’s worse is it is personally making me feel bad as an individual – like i am a bad person

i like romance and even the idea of sex so why do i keep getting intrusive thoughts? most of them are me being deathly afraid i am going to force myself onto someone or be out of control of myself because of my libido

i start getting uneasy around others when they turn me on – i don’t want to hurt anyone so i get scared and run away to shower so maybe i can take care of it

these fears are slowly killing me

i just want to be normal.