Stop Spinning Our Wheels

I am going to try journaling again. This may be the only entry before a 50 month hiatus, but.

I really want to throw this old thing away. So many bad memories. But we can’t just throw away our bad memories. We have to embrace our past selves, however imperfect, and accept that they, too, were once a part of us.

Feb is here. Feb 15th will be my one year job anniversary. Go me! Well, go us, really. We have survived a year @ a job, a feat we have never accomplished before. And at age 27, it’s long overdue. I am anxious about the review and potential raise, but we will see what happens.

We are on Lexapro and it is helping. The dosage just needs to be cranked up.

Lost 30 pounds and have largely kept it off, but our weight is creeping back on again. Will try to adjust diet before it becomes a problem.

Richard (the guy, not the alter) died last (Date: 2017) December. Haven’t really emotionally dealt with that yet.

Hope we don’t have nightmares again tonight. They are getting old.

Hand hurts. Signing off.

…

I lied, I have more to write. I reread our past entries, and I am glad we have kept the journal as long as we have. It provides some insight and contrast. If we can journal more consistently, it would be even more helpful.

Therapy might be a thing again soon. Elias got a raise, but it won’t be enough to fully cover it. Always using money as an excuse. We can afford a $420 bill for a steakhouse, but can’t afford therapy? Come off it.

Really, I am just scared. We all are. But we have to stop spinning our wheels. Our medications work, we have the finances, our external life is stable. What other excuses do we have? We have none. It’s pathetic.

Would it be a conflict of interest to just steal Elias’ therapist? Might be something to talk to them about.

Okay hand is actually tired & so am I.

Good night