mental health is at an all time low

yet another journal to abandon when I am bored

anyway my mental health is at an all time low. Ok maybe not all time, but it’s lower than it has been in a while. most days i feel like it would be better if i was dead. lately, i have even been planning killing myself. i don’t think i can tell anyone about it though. for a lot of reasons. it doesn’t feel like anyone actually cares anyway.

more like it would actually be better if i wasn’t around to be such a big burden on everyone. my biggest struggle is knowing that if i passed away it would be a financial burden on elias. because he cant get any kind of life insurance if its suicide i think. plus he relies on me for bills or to help. but maybe someday he wont because his career keeps getting better. so maybe it wont be forever. I dunno ill figure something out idk…