Music on needing.space

ASL class

Fri, 26 Apr 2024 12:00:00 -0500

ASL

i'm kind of sad that ASL 101 is done. we also finished through the first 11 lessons of lifeprint, so i guess it's correlating at the same time. next week, all the classes are getting together to have a no-voice dinner. i'm excited about it.

finances

elias and i are still having some disagreements about how finances are going to be handled now that he makes way more than i do -- we will get it figured out eventually, but it's still a bummer that we are having disagreements about it

music

we are watching i-land and it has a way different vibe than produce 101 the girls -- in a way that i like, as in they are focusing more on the music rather than the idol/personality stuff. i like the idol/personality stuff but they spent like 15 minutes on staring contests in the first episode of pd101... kind of unnecessary. i appreciate the brevity of i-land

birthday/events

i can't believe it's almost already halfway through the year. elias told me that he is taking off my birthday week in june and had me take it off too -- i don't know if he has a surprise trip planned or what, but i'll look forward to it

SO MUCH has happened

Tue, 09 Apr 2024 12:00:00 -0500

so much has happened that it's probably just better to put them all in categorical order instead of timeline.

work

a bunch of fucking bullshit. basically was de facto demoted because i advocated for myself and others to have fair pay & reasonable expectations. i'm ok with it, but it's still annoying. i'll just try to look for a new job asap.

one of our alters (anastasia) who is actually the main alter, or at least the center of the system, has work as a huge aspect of her personality. yesterday she found out that they had been under-counting her metrics for months, and then today even more so because they're changing the way the metrics for training are counted so we were being SEVERELY under-counted. she went on a rampage yesterday (which is... really not like her, so i guess final straw situation) & pretty much threw out everything we own that we purchased for ourselves. a few things survived. we told elias about it & he went out and got it from the trash bin... he's a keeper T_T

mother

she stopped talking to me bc she's a narcissist and i wasn't giving her attention. problem solved? not really honestly, because i still feel weird about the whole thing so it's not really resolved for me. trying to decide on what i want to do though...

health

i'm Deaf, so i've been pretty much solely focusing on learning ASL lately. elias and i take a class up in dallas twice a week (a two hour drive there and a two hour drive back... RIP.) i'm very clearly the most knowledgeable in class and can speak with decent enough "beginner fluency" i guess, i can hold normal conversations with people. so people have been looking to me to help teach them... but i'm def not a teacher hahaha i'm willing to sit next to people who are struggling but i am DEF not a teacher. the only reason i'm so far ahead of everyone else is because i practice like CRAZY because i actually have the impetus to practice like crazy haha. elias is hard of hearing but everyone else in the class is hearing besides one dude named mark who is hard of hearing/deaf (cochlear implants) who i think dropped out (i hope not!) the teacher is profoundly deaf though.

i am not profoundly deaf (yet), i can hear with my hearing aids and anything being beamed directly into my ears (like headphones/music etc.) trying to get ahead of it because my hearing is going pretty quickly at this point. at some point in the past few months i went from little d deaf to big D Deaf because of my integration into the community, learning ASL, etc. plus just holding the same culture and values and everything anyway.

it's been wonderful... like, holy shit. going to class the first time was a trip. i could actually talk to people. i was super outgoing because i could actually communicate. that's also part of the reason i'm learning so fast... it's allowing me to be able to communicate! our first class was "my name is X. nice to meet you." we had to go around saying this to everyone, and mark and i had a very brief conversation where i said i am deaf but i was nervous because there was a lot of people, and he said that i didn't need to be. whenever he passed behind me, instead of saying "excuse me", he tapped me on the shoulder

i almost started crying right then and there. this awesome inclusive environment, where the guy actually tapped me on the shoulder to let me know he was going behind me instead of saying "excuse me" where i wouldn't actually hear. i just... yeah. it was so relieving and nice and i just felt welcome for like, the first time in my life

but!! with my hearing getting worse, embarrassing stuff keeps happening. i need to really remember to wear my hearing aids whenever we go out. we went to ASL class last wednesday, and i thought that i wouldn't need them because i thought we were just going to class (and we don't voice in class.) we went to starbucks beforehand and someone was trying to ask if we were in line. all i heard is "are you" and thought it was a worker (due to how quick she was walking) saying "how are you" and i said "good, you?" and she gave me the nastiest look and moved past us. elias was like "she was saying are you in line" and i was like ok well i couldn't hear that.

in class, there were two occasions when i was trying to hear someone say something (because they weren't getting it across in sign.) on the first, i thought she was asking for how to say "language" because whenever she was saying "how do i sign?" she kept saying "how do i sign language?" and she told me out loud what she meant underneath her breath but i couldn't hear her. second occasion, someone was trying to ask if the sign for sun and shower are the same, but the teacher (and me apparently) weren't understanding, i thought she was asking about "sauna." i fingerspelled "sauna" to the teacher, and the teacher was like "oh" and started to explain sauna, and everyone else was like NOOOO! SUN!

elias looked over to me and was like "you're deaf too!" and i was like oh yeah. and now every time i go out i have to say "huh?" and have people repeat themselves constantly, if i don't have my hearing aids on. so i need to make it a habit of just wearing my hearing aids everywhere but to be honest, once i'm fluent enough in ASL, i'm just. not going to use english anymore. it doesn't work for me! and i don't mind being deaf!!

(i really need to go back to the ENT soon, but i keep putting it off, because i'm too nervous... ugh. i just know it's going to be way worse than it was before.)

mental health

regarding mental health, well i don't have enough time to go into that. just that my depression has been way worse and i've barely been coping lol. i changed my meds and hopefully that is going to help but yeah.

hobbies

i've just been a little goblin who is addicted to balatro. like, i literally CANNOT put it down. it being on the switch is super dangerous for me because i just carry the switch everywhere and play it like it's my full time job hahaha. other than that, well, most of my hobby stuff got thrown out, but i still do have a few more.

family

we got a new cat!!!

when we moved into our new house last summer there were a ton of stray cats in the neighborhood. makes sense, the neighbors are all nice and feed them all so they just kinda are collectively the community cats.

there is a kitten who is too sweet that we named snowball, didn’t adopt him though. he looked like he could handle himself and wasn’t super comfortable around humans (yet, probably)

but there were these two tabbies, one we called Fat Tabby and one was Skinny Tabby. fat tabby had an extremely fat face (but not body but the nickname had already stuck) and then Skinny Tabby was just his younger/kitten (probably female) counterpart

at one point we were putting out food for the cats, but the asshole dogs started eating it. like they are literally bullies and no one calls them out on it. they were fighting the cats on our front porch, so we stopped putting food out.

but Fat Tabby still came around and SCREAMED at like 10,000dB. we could hear him through the walls, with the windows shut lmao. so every time he screamed we would go out there and feed him specifically just to avoid the dogs. then he started doing it in the backyard. then he started learning our walking schedule for the dogs and would be out there screaming at 7am and 4pm every day, and we always got him food.

we sat outside with him one day and noticed that he had an injury. and another cat (mean black cat) was trying to approach all three of us slowly like he thought he was being sly. there was one of my shoes outside and when he got close enough elias threw the shoe towards him and he ran off. apparently thought this was his area but never came back after that.

Fat Tabby was super appreciative, in fact instead of in the backyard far away near the back fence, he started sleeping on our doorstep. we had some cardboard boxes out in the front that we were being lazy about getting rid of and he lived in there, used it as shelter when it was cold and raining.
yeah that lasted about a week before we just brought him inside lmao. brought him inside, quarantined him in my bathroom in case he had cooties and to let the animals get used to him and vice versa.

made a vet appointment and told them that his temporary name was Fat Tabby lol. then the next day we went out and got all the cat essentials. we bought a tag and were like “shit, we can’t just put Fat Tabby on the tag” so Elias googled celestial names and we came upon Maru. we had to go super quick too because we had an appointment super soon after, can’t remember what but we were already running late so we were like ok Maru it is
took him to the vet and he got a clean bill of health. the vet said he had a fat head because he was not neutered but his body was normal haha. we got him neutered ASAP, like a few days later. vet also said he was about a year and a half old.

he is still chilling in my bathroom, we got a zipper screen thing for the door so Evil and he can see each other. Maru is still trying to realize that not all cats are mean bullies, and Evil’s person is elias so he was freaking out whenever he saw him cuddling with him. they both seem to be getting over it. in the past few days Maru even started to play with some of his toys yay. he still screams at 10,000dB by the way but now he does it inside of the house, lmao. and we thought Evil (our other cat) was loud… Maru can see directly into my office and meow alllll day if he sees me and I am not paying attention to him.

Evil is pretty tsundere but Maru is just lovey to all humans. he loves everyone indiscriminately and 100% will constantly cuddle 24/7 if given the chance, so it’s hard to get a good picture of him lmao.

everything is busy and i'm tired

Sun, 09 Jul 2023 12:00:00 -0500

apologies for leaving some comments hanging. my life has been a complete busy mess lately lmao. I will get back to them asap, probably on a computer. i think when you read this entry, you'll probably see why i haven't had time hahaha.

i am going to try to put a cut here but it's been broken so i'm sorry if this spams your reading page with a thousand paragraphs LMAO.

tw for suicide ideation/other mental health talk

house update

we got some of the more complicated stuff coordinated like pricing out movers. our house is set to close on 7/31, the old sellers won't move out until august 14, and then we have to be out of this place by 8/31.

unfortunately we have a BABYMETAL concert down here on 8/30 so we are going to need to drive two hours south back to houston from our new place. damn it lol. we have had that booked for months so whatever.

the inspection was successfully completed on friday. we couldn't be at the inspection because we had an doc appointment (more on that later.) nothing too shocking, especially for a house this age. the only important thing is that we have to get the seller to fix the roof, which was already anticipated because anyone with eyes could see that it needed to be repaired or replaced. our realtor Lacy is getting that arranged.

lacy is so good and nice! it helps that she's probably gen z or younger millennial so she kind of understands us better than the other realtor did. we did have a realtor named Paola who we really liked, but she kept taking vacations and we were on a time crunch, so we found one close to the city we are moving. Lacy is amazing! i keep trying to do stuff myself and she's like STOP!! i can do it! lmao kind of like Elias.

in my past marriage I had to handle everything and deal with everything, so when there's something big happening, i just kind of autopilot to handling everything. Elias told me that he wanted to be more involved though and that I was pushing him out of the process unintentionally, which made him feel bad. so i promised to try and not just leap into action and get shit handled like i'm used to doing.

there was a bunch of needless drama that happened re: house loan that i won't go into here, but it's fixed now lmao.

with regards to our current hellish landlord (or rather third party realty company because we Aren't Allowed to talk to the landlord): I sent a written request for repairs both physically and to their email. I detailed every minor issue with the house and explained why they couldn't be fixed by us, or that they were noted in our move in checklist as issues. there are a lot of issues that we can fix ourselves that i left out, but a lot that require professional help. i also once again reiterated that they need to yknow actually provide me with cleaners they want or else i'm going to hire randos.

they are SUPER uncommunicative so i'm 100% sure they are going to not fix anything and then try to take our deposit when we move out, so i am documenting everything for when i inevitably need to take them to small claims court.

btw the tree they fought me about not wanting to trim fell over in the storm and hit the house, it looks like it may have damaged it. poetic justice motherfucker.

update from today: loan officer called me. explained situation with ex, still being married, etc. she says it isn't a problem, but she needs to talk to the underwriter to find out of extra paperwork needs to get filed. i'm going to flip a table if they try to use my ex wife's finances in the equation of the house because she was awful and in a ton of debt.

work

manager being a dickhead as usual. i moved on from a position where metrics matter (got promoted) but she's still trying to pigeonhole me into metrics which is fucked up. also the CEO is being cheap and instead of hiring more labor he just expects the already overworked team to do even MORE. and idiot manager justifies this with "well i have a couple of people hitting 1200!" yeah i can hit that number too if i cherry pick what i work on which is 100% what matters. the median is more important but god forbid they use logic.

instead of even trying to empathize when i basically said it's fucked up to expect overloaded people to work even harder because the CEO is stingy about money, she just sided with the CEO. not a great look for a manager to not be able to validate but explain that it can't be helped. instead just repeating herself like i have a comprehension problem. honey i comprehend you just fine, i just don't agree.

i missed 3 days this week - holiday on the 4th, sick on the 5th, planned doc absence on the 7th. i've been being productive but just in other ways.

physical health

im still working on getting into a sleep study but insurance is dragging their heels and requiring my GP to provide certain "evidence" that a test is necessary. so i emailed him and told him that narcolepsy was happening. like i've been sleeping sitting up and the other day i fell asleep standing up in the bathroom brushing my teeth. but yknow not "medically necessary"

i got off my antidepressant because it was likely the problem. after getting off it it got s little bit better with the sleep but not by much.

it does cause other issues though...

first, i am actually feeling my feelings again which sucks somewhat, but it's nice kind of? i've been in this weird mental fog/zombie state for over a year now and suddenly i'm feeling again which is overwhelming. whew. i have been super good about putting down boundaries though which has pissed a lot of people off because they are used to walking all over me. too fuckin bad lol.

i also kinda got suicidal the first few days i was off of it but i'm feeling better now. just white knuckled it through it and used my support system.

my OCD symptoms are through the roof right now though, so exhausting. back to having to count every second of the day and track what i'm doing or else i have panic attacks lmao.

misc

got my ears pierced again! (lobes) they are super cute.

elias is getting surgery next week (top surgery) i am super happy for him. but it is a tough time to get it lol. it can't be put off though because they're backed up until next year. just that he can't help with boxes or whatever.

i've been able to connect with some old friends which has been nice. i've also been talking more to lyn and hikaru which is nice, as i haven't been talking to them regularly much. and i'm happy for my new DW friends! twitter is going to shit, so i made a discord for my lil fandom i am in, it already has over 60 people lmao.

um that's it, i'll go reply to comments and comment now. ha

such a great time at the macabre market

Sat, 16 Jul 2022 12:00:00 -0500

we had such a great time at the macabre market today… really enjoyed it…

then we went to the black bear cafe which was really good…

then we watched blackfish which showed how terrible seaworld is… i knew it was bad but didn’t know it was that bad…

then we watched the Date: 2011 c-ute and s/mileage concert… the set list was just “ok”… dawa is so good though…

that’s all…

so drunk haha cant

Sat, 09 Jul 2022 12:00:00 -0500

i am too drunk to write much… watched the Date: 2019 angerme nakanishi kana grad concert… oota haruka was in it which is weir… she was only there for like five minutes before she was suspended for leaking info-… poor girl… she deserved better…

umami fest tomorrow… looking forward to it…

so drunk haha… cant… had 32oz sushi and didn’t even finish it…

sleepy time xoxo

Trying To Keep Up With Journaling

Mon, 20 Jun 2022 12:00:00 -0500

I got a lot done today. I had enchiladas for dinner, but they made my stomach hurt. I want to watch Chii-chan’s grad concert some time this week.

Tomorrow is horses. I love them, but I know it will be hot. I hope it doesn’t exacerbate my sun burn. I will need to drink lots of water. My stamina is getting better, though. I am excited and I hope they have Shaker for me to ride.

long time no write

Wed, 15 Jun 2022 12:00:00 -0500

long time no write. i promised the therapist that i would journal so here it is. i don’t really ever know what to write about tho.

i ended up being hired @ merit as well. its pretty awesome

tonight i watched the Date: 2022 anju concert and it was really good.

um that’s all

tomorrow is tool

Sat, 26 Oct 2019 12:00:00 -0500

tomorrow is tool!! so excited. worth every penny even though i know we are struggling a bit for money. nothing a little crowd collect can’t solve…

too tired to write any else.

ps let this day forever be known as the day dr. evil attempted to eat an entire bag of bagels.

grateful for…

concert
today felt like a sunday
easy job
able to pay bills
got debt consolidation

enough money to support ourselves

Wed, 16 Oct 2019 12:00:00 -0500

Today I am grateful that we have enough money to support ourselves.

It was ok today. Not much noteworthy happened. The Tool concert is coming up quickly and we are excited.

This weekend we are getting new glasses (overdue) and going to the Halloween store. Alisia should be fronting so that will be fun. We are also going to the Chinese buffet.

-Noah

(later entry that day)

眠りたいなーいつもお腹がなんかいっぱい。大好きですけど、ダイエットみたいーダイエットじゃない、頑張りますなのに、終わりはちょっとダメです。じゃー今眠りますーおやすみ

metallica dream

Sat, 07 Apr 2012 12:00:00 -0500

i'm leaving soon but i just wanted to write down my dream before i did

lars ulrich (drummer from metallica) and i were really good friends as preteens/teens. it showed a scene of how we met, which was basically my parents (who were together-- wtf?) left me on a dock somewhere and were like WE'LL COME BACK LATER TO GET YOU.

i must have seemed upset because i sat down on the side of the dock alone and looked out into the water and rested my hands in my lap. then little lars (he was my age) came up to me and sat down next to me. i think we were speaking danish? and he said "what's wrong?" and i explained that my parents left. so we talked for some time. for some reason, he asked if i went to bars around here (?? maybe because denmark has a young legal drinking age idefk) and i said no.

so anyway after that there were quick scenes of us becoming good friends and growing up together. then one day he said he had to go to america, and i was still in denmark so i couldn't go with him and for some reason my parents were never around and were poor so. he left, became famous, formed metallica, etc.

fast forward to years later, when i'm like 18 or 19. there were a bunch of girls in a room, and we were all sitting on a circular sofa. everyone was jabbering away. and then i looked up and there was like, a poster for what we were doing? it was a bachelorette type show to win lars ulrich's affections, i think. i don't know if we were supposed to be winning his platonic or romantic affections because for some reason in the entire dream it felt like he was gay, but everyone in the room was a woman.

i was sitting next to sem and holding her hand and it was pretty clear that we were together. a girl i knew from high school named ashley kept taunting me and calling me a slut/whore and finally i got fed up and looked over to her, readjusted myself, and said

"you're lucky."

and she asked why, and i responded

"i would tear you to intellectual shreds, but it would be a total waste of time. judging from your manner of carrying yourself and your uninspired, repetitive insults, someone already got to it before me."

then she shut up. and i think there was a girl who was known for mind reading/having esp because she came up to me with lots of beads and looked like a hippy and was like i CaN ReAd yOuR MiNd! and i responded

"no shit, i'm more open than oprah's legs after a bowl of non-fat ice cream" (???)

so anyway then lars walks in and everyone is just trying to get his affection by being like I HAVE SUCH AND SUCH INTERESTS like they studied him or something and were trying to copy him. it was clear that i didn't really want to be there, but for some reason i wanted to win the game?? probably just because i don't like losing. at the end he walked out and he gave me one last glance before shutting the door and letting everyone start yammering at each other again

and then my alarm clock woke me up

Microblogs - October 2011

Tue, 01 Nov 2011 12:00:00 -0500

2011-10-31 11:34 PM: Now to sleep after my 2 hours of free time. Being an adult sucks and no one understands.

2011-10-31 6:03 AM: I'm eating a lunchables the morning before I start my first serious job. The kid in me likes Lunchables, and the adult in me likes my job! I am such a balanced individual.

2011-10-27 2:15 PM: Job said they'd work around my schedule (I would just come in early on Mondays and Wednesdays). The happiness I am feeling right now is amazing

2011-10-25 12:30 AM: The EOA5 flash was sweet, especially the part where they fix the tank.

2011-10-21 11:45 PM: something in the system glitched and i still have all my userpics from the paid account trial. They're still all useable too

2011-10-19 1:43 PM: Sorry I've been kind of inactive on plurk lately! I promise I read all of your plurks. I don't mark them all as read, I go through and read each one.

2011-10-19 12:52 AM: Something I subtitled has over 400,000 views. my heart is goin doki doki

2011-10-18 11:59 PM: i'm 12 and what is this

2011-10-17 7:59 PM: Proof That Tupac and Elvis Were In Cahoots - https:--www.youtube.com-watch?v=ZjGVGt8XYAQ

2011-10-15 12:37 AM: Ok my +24hour nosleepathon is over and I have woken up fully rested and "asshole Nate" as some people like to call it

2011-10-14 8:13 PM: i just fell asleep sitting up. i guess that's what happens when you literally dont sleep one day and just sorta stay up 24 hours. i was like perusing some site and i just fell asleep

2011-10-12 5:26 PM: Someone is sitting across from me IN PUBLIC, playing her laptop, with Bejewelled BLASTING. that really fucking necessary? You don't need to have your crappy ambient music and sound of jewels and magical fucking sprinklenoises cranked.

2011-10-12 3:03 PM: Just dropped $250 on clothes. I update my wardrobe about once a decade. NOW I FEEL SUPER GUILTY FOR BUYING STUFF.

2011-10-12 12:51 AM: 2 hours of sleep last night woot. Tumblr rp is too entertaining for its own good.

2011-10-11 8:51 PM: I feel like all my older friends are getting irritated at me for being a homestuck.

2011-10-11 1:29 AM: Sorry for being useless and whiny today. I'll try to keep my chin up.

2011-10-10 9:03 AM: new homestuck on the 25th...guess who's staying away from all social media until he's done watching?

2011-10-08 7:27 AM: I should really get on my homework tomorrow. :| There's all the pages in the world I need to read, and none of the time.

2011-10-07 7:25 PM: over 9000 tags to answer

2011-10-06 11:57 AM: I find it hard to believe that I frequent LJ now as often as I did a decade ago. I kind of find it hard to believe it's been a decade at all.

2011-10-03 8:17 PM: back from school

2011-10-03 3:09 PM: Thanks to everyone who took the time to cheer me up today. It really made a difference.

2011-10-03 12:52 AM: fuck yeah going to bed at a decent hour! night~ should be up and tagging around 10am my time

2011-10-02 7:04 PM: Food times

2011-10-02 4:24 PM: 70 pages of reading due tomorrow for one class and I haven't even started yet. Read ALL of the things??

2011-10-01 3:05 PM: 100 pages later... One part of my homework is done!

Microblogs - September 2011

Sat, 01 Oct 2011 12:00:00 -0500

2011-09-30 8:20 PM: I regret putting off buying homestuck shirts. My size is fucking out of stock on all my favorite characters.

2011-09-30 6:12 AM: [Meridian] my friend just suggested I app Ursela from Little Mermaid

2011-09-29 6:19 PM: ugh the new MM members. no sara? i'm gonna choke a bitch

2011-09-28 3:02 PM: Only about fifteen days until my 3rd plurk birthday.

2011-09-28 1:11 PM: >mfw next HTML project due is tables

2011-09-28 7:52 AM: I awakennnn. Morning Musume new members are announced today sdlgklskgdkgc

2011-09-27 11:04 PM: I have my app done for Hannibal but now I'm reconsidering a little. Worried about being smart enough to play him, etc. Maybe I should just finish a bunch of apps and sit on it for a week and see which characters still stick out to me.

2011-09-26 11:25 AM: That feel when professor tries to be socially active but just fails. At least he's trying..muh.

2011-09-26 8:57 AM: Body could probably stand to sleep more than 3 hours a night. Oh well, I'm here now. Also tired nate is not give a fuck nate, which means all social anxiety is gone which is kinda nice

2011-09-25 12:10 PM: quick tag and then nap is becoming actual sleep. cannot live on only a few hours :9 Well maybe if I just got out of bed and got the blood flowing..

2011-09-24 4:03 PM: Ugh, so much for a "short nap". 7 hours later...

2011-09-24 8:33 AM: night guys. gonna set my alarm for early so i'm just taking a short nap

2011-09-24 2:59 AM: Okay so homestuck remix makin time. yay :9

2011-09-23 9:54 PM: Gamzee uses punctuation? This is totally new information to me

2011-09-23 10:17 AM: okay bedtime for real guys. nighty night! :9

2011-09-23 9:53 AM: Not in bed yet. working on a project yo! My dad just came in and asked if I was trying to break a record of awakeness. lmao.

2011-09-22 10:16 PM: apparently my girlfriend's building is on fire, fuck. I don't like seeing "brb fire" in my IM :| okay good it was a false alarm, whew

2011-09-22 10:13 PM: backkkkk. I know you all missed me.

2011-09-22 6:34 PM: dinnertime, be back soon :9

2011-09-21 2:46 PM: oh my god i am becoming a homestuck super fan. i should um. look at my life, look at my choices. I'm already far adrift from regular social norms though.

2011-09-19 11:56 PM: what does 'plurk' mean anyway. it sounds like someone trying way too hard to come up with a social networking name. that's probably what it was

2011-09-19 10:56 PM: i still don't know how this thing works well w-e

2011-09-19 03:50 AM: do people actually use this thing anymore jw

Some H!P Confessions

Tue, 06 Sep 2011 12:00:00 -0500

Out of all the people that have ever been in Morning Musume (not counting JunLin), Tsuji was the most useless. She was just dead weight: she wasn't really talented or cute and only seemed to get any attention because of Kago.

I think they should have put Matsuura Aya in Momusu rather than Fujimoto Miki. Miki never seemed to really enjoy her career in MM... I think she was spoiled by being a soloist first. Fujimoto always seemed to be an ungrateful brat to me, and even though she was one of the best singers MM ever had, she didn't ever show any signs of enjoying herself. Conversely, Matsuura seemed like she would have enjoyed herself a lot in Momusu.

Yossie has lost too much weight. When she first joined, I really liked her. But somewhere along the line, she got in her head that she was "fat", and lost so much weight that she looks like a skeleton. It saddens me to see Gaki going this route lately, too.

Why is everyone going crazy about Miyamoto Karin? She isn't that great.

I think that UFA should stop worrying about finding "Maki Goto Version 2" and start worrying about creating a well rounded group.

Maji Desu Ka Ska musically sucked, but had good line distribution. Only You musically rocked, but had shitty line distribution. Why does Tsunku seem to think that only Reina/Takahashi and MAYBE a little Riho (with a bone thrown to Gaki) can handle 'cool' songs?

I usually hate people who try to 'pair up'/make everyone in H!P lesbians. But statistically, there's a great likelihood that at least a few girls are lesbians... And it seems as if Sayu is. I don't know whether it's a new 'character' she's trying out, but she's been creeping on 9th gen (Riho in particular) ever since they joined... Honestly speaking, it seems a lot more realistic than most of the fabricated implied lesbian relationships in H!P (Matsuura and Fujimoto pops to mind).

I think UFA made a mistake in naming Dream Morning Musume. Would you rather watch ~*~*Dream*~*~ Morning Musume, or boring old vanilla REGULAR Morning Musume? I'm also kind of tired of UFA trying to cash in on nostalgia. But that's a whole different rant.

I didn't start REALLY paying attention to the kids until 2009. I've been a fan since 2002, so I watched as they joined... And were given horrible songs. The first time I noticed them was while watching a Pucchi Best dvd that had recently come out. It had 21ji made no Cinderella on it. I was bored to tears and automatically brushed off the rest of the kids until I started casually following them in 2007 when Tokaikko Junjou came out. I regret not paying attention to them earlier; I missed them growing up because I was too busy being a stubborn ~Morning Musume purist~.

Maki Goto couldn't even begin to grasp the intricacies of "Akai Nikkichou". When they did the shuffle special, it showed her struggling with the tenderness of the song at such a young age. She sang it poorly, and Tsunku chided her-- but the recorded version sounds no different than after he chided her! Proof that she only had the most lines because she was popular.

I feel like there is SO MUCH HATRED in the H!P fandom, and 80% of it is caused by the foreign teenage girls.

Ever again?

Sun, 17 Jul 2011 12:00:00 -0500

(I realized this journal is disturbingly without updates, so I decided to throw something on here. For those not up to speed: my mother has left her abuser of 15 years. I'm 21. My father got me when I was 11~12. If you do the math, you'll figure out my brother and I had to live with him for quite awhile, too.

By the way, I don't enjoy talking about this. It wasn't a 'relief' to get it all out. In fact, it made me physically sick to dwell on it enough to write it. But, these things need to be said.)

I just had a nightmare where Steve and I were little kids, running from Grandma's house because of the terror that is Tim. No matter how much we ran, we just couldn't get away. I think that is a good metaphor for the living hell we were put through as children.

Children don't get to choose where they live. They don't get the choice of running away-- they have to do what their parents say. And what do you do when all your parent wants is to stay with the abusive, terrorizing asshole, with seemingly no care or abandon for her children? Absolutely *nothing*. You can't do anything; you're a child! You're trapped in this world.

I feel like that dream was reminding me that it's not over yet, at least for my mom. It has been over for me since around 2001 or 2002, when dad got custody of us. Thankfully, he didn't take mom's advice and just "forget about the kids". If we hadn't have had him being proactive and taking custody, the nightmare wouldn't have ended until we were old enough to escape. It would have been a mandatory sentence to stay another six years-- something that I, personally, could not have taken.

I harbor a lot of bitterness and anger for my mother for putting us through this. I know she was blinded by abuse and alcohol, but that is no excuse for putting your children through it. We were human beings, something I think she forgot along the line. Even though we were young back then, we were forced to grow up at a disturbingly young age. Even the psychologist said it in those papers-- "They need to learn how to be kids and let their guard down".

It's not surprising that the psychologist would say something like this. We always had our guard up, because it was impossible to not be guarded when we lived with a terrorist. This is a man who thought it was okay to beat our mother up in front of us. A man who is obviously mentally unwell, for whatever reason (I really don't care why, honestly.)

Let me briefly tell you about one little night in what Steve and I had to come up with. I remember it well: it was towards the end of the nightmare, because we were living in Riverside, at the house that was on top of the garage. Steve and I sat in absolute fear as the terrorist chased our mother around the house with a crowbar. Our mother had hidden his gun from him, underneath his car seat, and I believe he was trying to figure out where his gun was.

Does this scream 'normal' childhood to anyone? Probably not. But the answer from us as kids probably would have been 'yes'-- This was our reality. I don't know why I remembered this night in specific, because they were pretty much all like that. Our reality was waking up every day and escaping to school, and then coming back home to someone who terrorized for fun. Even if we tried to hide away in our rooms, he would come and find us. Whether it was to bang on bongos, or to drag us out to the living room to listen to the blasting music, or try to get us to drink at age 10 or 11... We never got a moment of peace.

Unless we were with our dad.

Our dad was the only moment of peace that we were afforded. We could go over to his house and just get away from it all. He would take us to the movies or let us play games without worry. We wouldn't have to worry about him getting drunk and wreaking havoc. We could just worry about being kids, and for a minute, we could just be kids.

But then it was all over: once the few days were over, and we had to go back to that household-- back to being adults trapped in the bodies of children, back to putting our guard up and trying to tune things out.

Every negative thing that I am today, that terrorizing has made me: neurotic, lack of coping skills for small things, easily bothered, self-conscious, withdrawn, anti-social, depressed. I cannot stand even the littlest of things bothering me. I think I used up my entire lifetime's worth of "patience" and "tolerance" quota when I lived with tim and mom. Now that I'm an adult, little things get to me a disturbing amount.

All of these things are not a natural state of mind for a person. There's no doubt in my mind that going through that mental abuse while I was a child crafted me into that sort of person.

My father has always been supportive of my brother and I. We are very lucky to have someone who cares as much as he does.

My mother? She might have been blinded by the alcohol and the abuse, but in my mind, that does not absolve her of all responsibility for her actions. She kept us children in a negative and abusive environment. Not only that, but she personally thought it was okay to tell me that it was my fault she was in jail, my fault for everything. When my father wasn't the punching bag, I was.

Why? It doesn't make any sense to me. I have no regrets; I would never do anything differently. Am I sorry for "getting her arrested" at Van Andel Arena? Fuck no! Am I sorry for the "stairs incident"? Hell. No.

I was finally old enough to view and realize the world around me was fucked up, and I was a child doing what I could to get myself and my brother out of a really bad situation. I only have praise for my childhood self; miraculously, I was strong enough to defend myself. To sit in court and testify-- at the age of 11-- against the terrorist who had been living in our house for more than five years at that point... That takes a lot of strength.

All of this comes back to my first point... Children cannot do anything to get themselves out of that sort of situation. No matter how strong, no one is going to take a child seriously without an adult by their side. They need help. I'm eternally indebted to my father for providing that help when we needed it. I'm also indebted to all the social workers who helped us out when we were in need. That kind of help is making me consider going into social work.

But to my mother? I think I'm going to need a little more time to heal. When I was younger, before my mom and dad split up, I used to call her "mama". In my mind, that person, "mama", isn't here anymore.

"Mama" didn't drink and did her best to raise her kids in as positive an environment as possible. "Mama" was still a young mother, untainted by the physical and mental abuse of that terrorist. But... That person hasn't been here since 1995. I'm not sure if that person will ever be back.

Will mom ever be "mama" again? Time has yet to tell.

The Full Only You PV

Thu, 26 May 2011 12:00:00 -0500

My thoughts: The dance is a little boring/noob. The song is amazing as usual, and their outfits are really pretty. I don't like the cheesy overlayed crystal drops. Overall, it reminds me a lot of Hamasaki Ayumi's "JEWEL" pv. I like it a lot. I would like it even more if the dance didn't suck, haha~

New H!P PVs

Wed, 25 May 2011 12:00:00 -0500

Berryz Koubou - Ai no Dangan

It's released with a resounding yawn from me. I was interested for the first minute and a half or so, but admittedly, I tuned out after that. They're working the outfits, but the PV is very one-shot style; there's no variation. That's not unusual for H!P I guess. The song itself isn't bad. I don't think I'll be buying it, personally.

Maeda Yuki - Busan Hatsu

Excellent! Once again, she is showing off her amazing vocal skills. The PV is visually interesting, as opposed to the Berryz PV. I may or may not buy this, depending on my funds. I'd love for Maeda to make more music.

Morning Musume - Only You

Yawwwnnn. Looks like another close up + dance shot mix PV. The outfits are very cute and the members are cute, as usual, but it feels like UFA has completely given up on giving berryz/momusu/c-ute good PVs. I'll still be buying the single seeing as I love the song, but it would be nice to see them put A LITTLE bit of effort in once and awhile. I remember how everyone in 2005 was bitching about how THE Manpower!!! was basically a dance shot, and now it's par for the course. Oh, how the times have changed.

Morning Musume 10th Gen

Mon, 09 May 2011 12:00:00 -0500

TOO FAST. I can't handle there only being someone in the group for a few months and then announcing a new generation. I realize that Tsunku is trying rly hard to do a golden age of MM again, but... nope, can't do it.

I gotta stop paying attention to Morning Musume for a bit. I'm sorry. I'll still listen to their songs, but C-ute and Berryz Koubou (and to a lesser extent, s/mileage) are my new lovers.

How I Got Into H!P

Fri, 29 Apr 2011 12:00:00 -0500

In 2002, one of my friends at the time recommended Hamasaki Ayumi. Being young and impressionable, I took pretty much every music recommendation completely seriously and I started getting into this Hamasaki person. After that, I started entering stuff like "jpop" into the KaZaA search engine. I liked some of the stuff I downloaded, some people stayed one-hit-wonders in my mind (like Namie Amuro and her song Alarm--I love that song, but I never could get into Namie.) Some people I was really into at first, and then just sort of stopped (like Nami Tamaki; I watched her video 'Prayer' way too much to be healthy.)

From this random searching, I found BoA. After downloading some BoA songs, I realized I really liked the song Kimochi wa Tsutawaru. I proceeded to download every single file labeled with Kimochi wa Tsutawaru. I found a file called "BoA in elevator with Morning Musume". It was this video-- it had Kimochi wa Tsutawaru live at the end.

Since it was KagoTsuji, I thought it was the most adorable thing ever. I thought Morning Musume was just these two girls, so I searched for Morning Musume on KaZaA. I was surprised when the stuff downloaded, because it wasn't just two girls singing. I found Minimoni and I totally loved them too. I was more into Minimoni than Momusu at first, but gradually I got more interested in Momusu. I listened a lot to golden era Morning Musume, and I know a lot of the b-sides to the earlier singles because they were tagged with "Morning Musume" and I pretty much downloaded every MM song file I could find.

(I also remember having some Ayaka's English Lessons on my computer. I downloaded and watched the Kago ones over and over again. Kago was always my favorite member.)

Those were the dial-up days... So I really replayed the songs that I did manage to download (stuff like Happy Summer Wedding and Koi no Dance Site). When I finally got DSL in January of '05, that was when I started following them more seriously (because I had a DC++ hub full of friends with high def Musume stuff, and I could actually download it faster than one video every two weeks.) I remember THE Manpower!!! being the first high definition PV that I downloaded.

My fandom fades every now and again, but I always come back to H!P. I wonder why that is? Probably because of the music. It certainly isn't much because of the idols... I can't enjoy the full experience. I don't know Japanese well enough to watch every release that comes out (and understand it that well, that is). I'm starting to get more into the idols that actually sing the music, so if you ask me...

2002-2004: Casual listener
2005-2009: Listen for the music
2010-2011: Start to pay attention to the idols

Something like that.

"Only You"

Thu, 28 Apr 2011 12:00:00 -0500

"Only You" is MM's next single. I don't know what style it is, but judging from the outfit, it might be a ballad. There are other blog posts with images, too. As for what I want next in a MM single... well, a ballad would be nice. I wouldn't mind another cool type song, either.

I don't think the song is going to be Maji Desu Ka Ska style, judging by the outfits. But outfits have steered us wrong before. Remember the Aruiteru outfits? Those were about as least feel-good-ballad-y I could think. They seemed more like they were made for the b-side (Morning Curry).

I FOUND C-UTE'S SONG

Wed, 27 Apr 2011 12:00:00 -0500

Remember how I was ranting in the last post? I found the song that was supposed to be C-ute's.

It's the b-side to s/mileage's new single!

It's bad ass. What happened? What did C-ute do to get this awesome song taken away from them?

(I'm just joking. This song is awesome, though. Too bad it's the b-side.)

(editor note: i don't know what song this is talking about because the link was dead and too lazy to see what s/mileage was doing at this time period)

Momoiro Sparkling sucks

Wed, 27 Apr 2011 12:00:00 -0500

I just want to rant about this piece of crap for a minute.

Go ahead, listen to it. Come back when you're done, I'll wait. ... Done? Okay. Here's my thoughts on it: BIG GIANT PIECE OF CRAP.

I think C-ute was going in the right direction when they released Kiss Me Aishiteru. Chisato gets the most lines... on a really poor song. It doesn't really matter whether she gets the most lines or not if I'm never going to listen to the damn song. I could understand Morning Musume going in this direction. Their average age just got a lot younger. But why is C-ute? Why? There is no particular reason. Their last two singles were their best selling singles, and all of a sudden, Tsunku is shooting himself in the foot again by releasing this ~upbeat genki~ crap.

He always fucking does this. Whenever there's a good single, he completely turns around after that and releases a big giant turd. I just don't understand why C-ute is being reverted back to Shochuu/La La La land? It's not like genki songs sell any better than cool songs...

Sales number comparison

Genki songs

Sakura Chirari 26,595
Meguru Koi no Kisetsu 26,785
LALALA Shiawase no Uta 31,650
Shochuu 33,613
Everyday Zeikkouchou 27,750
Campus Life 23,932

Cool/dance songs

Tokaikko Junjou 38,085
Namida no Iro 33,422
Forever Love 29,144
Bye Bye Bye 27,918
Shock 23,389 (sold poorly because it was an Airi fest, I think)
Dance de Bakoon 23,664
Aitai Lonely Christmas 26,238
Kiss Me Aishiteru 23,648

WTF hybrid songs that I'm just going to leave out:

Edo no Temari Uta II 35,789

Genki song average sales: 28,388
Cool/dance songs average sales: 28,189

They are practically the same, give or take a few hundred copies (which is normal margin of error, I think). I'll be honest, I thought the cool songs sold a lot more, so... I guess I proved to myself that it doesn't matter what style of song it is; it's probably going to sell the same (sadly enough)*

So, what is Tsunku thinking? I have a couple of theories:

Kiss Me Aishiteru was a lot of work to create. He'd rather fall back on something easy now (with less complex instrumental work).
He's not making any more sales from cool songs anyway, so he's not going to go through the effort.
He genuinely thinks that this song will sell big. (Um... generic pop crap? That hasn't sold big since 2000.)
He's going to start converting ALL the groups back to genki in a desperate grab for the golden era.
It costs less to produce a genki song (less to pay the choreographer, mixer, etc.) I don't know about whether that's true or not.
The most likely culprit: It's summer, so he's releasing genki, let's-go-to-the-beach crap.

For the record: I have nothing against this style of song WHEN IT'S DONE WELL. Momoiro Sparkling is both generic and given to the wrong group. Giving a cutesy, upbeat song to C-ute not only undermines all the hard work they've done to be taken as the young women they are, but it also wastes away their dancing and singing talents.

Blah. Here's hoping Berryz' next single is 'cool' style so H!P isn't in a trifecta-of-crap song era.

The crap song funk happened last year around this time, too:

Morning Musume released Seishun Correction (breaking their streak of awesomeness, worst selling single since Mikan in 2007)
C-ute released the borefest that is Campus Life
Berryz released Maji Bomber (worst selling single since 2007)
s/mileage released Ganbaranakutemo Eenende!! (far inferior to Yumemiru 15)
Mano Erina proved to be the exception to the rule and released her best single to date, Onegai Dakara

Let's not repeat last summer, shall we, Tsunku? (Except for the Mano Eri thing. Go ahead and repeat that.)

*(editor note 2025: yes, it sold around the same as everything else in that era: 23,961)

blah blah blah

Mon, 25 Apr 2011 12:00:00 -0500

I feel like ranting because... yeah, whatever, I guess. I know everyone's under a lot of pressure, so it feels a little selfish to be complaining, but I'm doing it anyway. I had a couple places that I could have posted this... tumblr is too open and I don't trust my personal diary not to shit out on me and lose important entries. SO. It's going here.

This isn't going to have any coherence or even relatively good transitions. I'm just rambling; I'm not trying to write a paper for English.

I've been having nightmares like crazy lately. Stuff about my mom mostly, but sometimes it's about other stuff. I don't know why, but it drives me batty.

I've been sleeping... so much. Ten, eleven hours a day. It feels kind of like I'm just sort of floating by. Or life is just passing me by. For the past week, I've set my alarm for certain times... and I've woke up about thirty minutes before every time I set my alarm for. Then I'll roll over, and adjust my alarm for another hour. Because of this, I've been way oversleeping.

Life just... slowly passes me by. I find enjoyment in very few things. I wish I could enjoy more things. Everything costs money, though. And I'm not good at anything that wouldn't cost me money. I'd kill to be able to draw well, but it seems that I'm horrible at seeing something and copying it, so I can't learn anatomy well. Singing... just reminds me of my FAAB status. Not to mention any singing projects I'm in love to say "girls" and trigger the shit out of me. And I don't want to say anything, 'cause I don't want to be a burden.

I used to enjoy H!P and stuff like that... But now? I just sort of. I don't even know why I follow it. I don't, really. I check the Hello!Online twitter every so often. It's never news that interests me. It's always rambling on about -group I don't care about is releasing a new single- or -person I don't care about is releasing a new photobook-. Even if I did care as much as I used to, I can't fully participate in the H!P experience because I simply don't have money. I can't wota it up because I'm broke.

All I have is... pirated games and music? Wow. Way to be, you fucking loser. Can't even support your favorite artists or developers. And when you had money, you pissed it away on a computer instead of mental health or physical health or something important. Good going.

I feel like I'm depressed, and no one even knows. I do a pretty good job of hiding it most of the time, but I feel down a lot. Pretty much constantly. I feel happy sometimes, but most of the time it's just washed away in sadness. I'm starting to wonder if I bring it upon myself... Or if I'm just being over dramatic.

My dad always is quick to remind me that I'm over dramatic. Whenever I ever complain about something, he says I'm being over dramatic. Yet he tries to say that he's there to listen to me...? Yeah, right. I don't even want to know his reaction when he finds out I'm trans. OMG ATTENTION HORE WHAT ARE YOU DOING? He's fucking horrible for even pretending to care about my problems. If he doesn't consider them to be problems, it's easier to just ridicule me.

Sometimes, I just want to cry. Sometimes, I just want people to listen to me cry and tell me that I'm not over reacting. And I do have a few friends that do that for me.

But I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about this... It's not my friends/family's fault. I feel if I talked to anyone, they would just tell me I was being over dramatic. I'm always feeling like a burden, but especially lately. I feel like I'm just an annoyance in everyone's life... and talking about my problems would just be more of an annoyance. I know it's probably not true, but whenever I talk to someone, I can practically feel their annoyance with me. Like, I'm just wasting their time. I wouldn't blame anyone if they felt that way, but constantly feeling like this is seriously taking a drain on me. I don't like even asking people questions because I feel like I'm wasting their time.

But when was the last time I had a hug? I can't even remember. Maybe six months ago, when I was moving out from my dad's at first?

I'm so flaky. I can't ever choose one thing or the other. I always do things for a little bit of time, and then I move on to something else. I couldn't even hold a job down for a month. And then I moved in with Amanda for a month, then I came back. I get interested in things and then I quickly lose interest. I'm jealous of people who can have interests for more than a month or two.

What makes me feel the worst is complaining about money problems-- especially when I know people have it worse. Just... It's about to get a lot worse now that Amanda doesn't have food stamps. That's all there is to it. This stupid fucking horrible country. I fucking hate it.

I feel so worthless right now. I have for the past few months. I feel like I'm tipping over the edge of desperation, and I don't even know why. I don't even have it that bad. I have friends and family that love me, a steady home, and I'm working on bettering myself in college. So why do I feel so helpless and useless? I don't want to sound emo-- well, you know what. Fuck it. This is my journal, and whoever doesn't like it can bite me. I'm just going to write what I want.

I feel like self-reflection brings a tidal wave of guilt and unhappiness. I realize how fucking useless I am, and how god damn insignificant my life is-- and it fucking sucks. I feel like I'm drowning, and no one is offering to help me out of this incoming tsunami of self-hatred and depression.

And it's not even their fault. My friends and family don't even know. I won't let them help me. When I was a child, I had to do everything for myself. I'm so used to doing everything for myself, I don't like seeking help. I always chant to myself, "I'll be okay. I'll be fine. It's not a big deal." It's like a fucking ritual with me. It's like I have too much pride to admit "I might not be fine. This might not be okay. The quality of my life is hurting and upsetting me."

I have trouble admitting when something is a big deal. I don't know why. If it's something someone did to me, it's probably because I don't want them to feel bad about it. If it's something that just happened, I don't want people to tell me I'm over reacting.

Maybe it's because I was always praised for being so mature when I was a kid. When I refused to get in the car when my mother was drunk (which consequently led to her arrest), people around me told me, "Wow. You are so mature." And a lot of people who knew what my childhood was like tell me that I am really strong and mature for not having anything wrong with me.

ALL THEY ARE DOING IS VALIDATING MY CHOICE TO HIDE MY MENTAL PROBLEMS. And I write this, and I know it's wrong to try to hide them. But somewhere, there's a disconnect. I blame it on lack of money, but when I had money, I didn't get help. Why? Maybe I like people thinking I'm strong. I'm just a weak, weak person that crumbles under the slightest bit of pressure. I don't want people to know that.

I think my hypersensitivity to things that some people can take (like the music blasting next door...) is actually because I'm depressed and hypersensitive.

I'm not even a little independent. And that is killing me, too. All I can do is drive by myself. Big fucking deal. I'm still sucking from my dad's paycheck for gas money. I'm still a fucking child, that's all I am.

I don't want to take these things out on the people around me. I feel that sometimes, I do. I don't want to. I just wish I knew exactly what was wrong.

I'm a negative, horrible person. I'm bossy and I'm bitchy. I'm nitpicky. I'm quick to tell someone to do something, but slow to do it myself. Which also makes me a hypocrite. I can practically feel people avoiding me so they don't get sucked into my vortex of negativity and depression. "No one wants to be around a negative person!" (Thanks for that complex, Supervision class.)

I just want to cry. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I need help. Please, someone help me.

stealing.

Wed, 17 Mar 2010 12:00:00 -0500

I really hate how people say that if you download an album and don't buy it, you're "stealing profits" from the record company. Or, more accurately, they point the finger and yell "THIEF!"

In order to steal something, it has to be a commodity. If I went into Best Buy and stole an iPod, I would be robbing them out of $300 profits. I'd be stealing from them. But mp3s are not stealing because they are not a commodity. Mp3s can be replicated however many times. It's sharing, not stealing.

Then RIAA or whatever tries to say they stole "potential profit". Wtf? The record companies assume that 1 illegal download = 1 lost sale. But that's not necessarily true. How many times have people downloaded music and absolutely hated it? I know I have. I'm not going to run out and buy an album that I hate. Just because someone downloads something doesn't necessarily mean they would have bought it if the internet wasn't around. The "potential profit" argument is bullshit.

I do agree that, morally, if you have the money and listen to the album often, you should buy it. I would buy all the albums I listen to often if I actually had ANY spare money, and actually plan on doing so once I get a job. Dad's like "why would you do that? you have them on the computer." but I really want to support the artist, plus I like having the physical CD.

I just don't think that we should be buying CDs we haven't even tried. Why would you run out and buy a CD if you'd never heard the tracks? What if it totally sucks? That doesn't seem like a good way to spend money. Not to mention, buying a crappy CD is encouraging the people who make the music to make more like that, at least in the case of UFA and other profit-hungry organizations.

And honestly? H!P fans are screaming "Buy the album! Support MoMusu!", but honestly? It's very, very mediocre to me. I'm not going to spend hard earned money on an album that doesn't absolutely captivate me.

Guess I'm just a con artist.

bitch, whine, and complain

Sun, 07 Mar 2010 11:00:00 -0600

looking back at my previous entries, the rare few times that i *DO* update (one a month at the most), all i do is bitch on this thing lololol

well, bitching and surveys. I HAVE A SURVEY I'M GOING TO DO LATER SO LOOK FORWARD TO IT!

but seriously. i need to update with like... life stuff. i haven't updated in forever, even though nothing new is really going on with my life...

i'm half in a band and my brother moved out, i guess that's something. the empty bedroom is so weird, and we're cleaning up all the stuff. the house is practically getting emptied, which i prefer. i haaaaate clutter, which is why i hate staying in a room that's like, 6 feet by 15 feet. CLAUSTROPHOBIAAAA

oh well, not much i can do about it. i might steal the bigger bedroom in a few months since steve isn't staying there anyway and my dad sleeps on the couch due to lack of extra bed.

another survey

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 11:00:00 -0600

Name: [REDACTED]
Straight/gay/bi? It’s complicated. I guess effectively gay, but technically pansexual.
Single? Nope, and I wouldn’t give her up for the world ♥
Birth date: 18 June 1990
Height? 5’2’‘
Eye colour: Green
Happy with it? Actually, I’d rather them be blue. I’ve always wanted blonde hair and blue eyes, but I can’t stand contacts so I can’t help that.
Pets? A gecko named Mitsuo
Piercings? My ears, if they’re even still pierced. They’re probably closed up~ I want to get my lip pierced as well, just haven’t gotten around to it.
Tattoos? Nope. Still considering whether I want one or not… Probably will be considering it for quite a few years. I’m not in a hurry to go ink my skin permanently.
Obsessions? Metallica, Hello!Project, facebook games/ragnarok/games in general, computer

What is the compliment you get most from people? That I have nice eyes, oddly enough. I remember someone once told me that I have “perfect” lips, as in they’re not too Angelina Jolie thick and they aren’t paper thin.
Can you sing? I’d like to think so.
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? There are a lot of things I know that I could improve upon, personality-wise. As for physically, I like myself pretty much fine.
What do you like the most about your body? My face.
And the least? Hm.. my weight, maybe? Even though I’ve come to terms with that a long time ago.

DO YOU?
- Smoke? Nope
- Do drugs? Nope
- Read the newspaper? No, just digg.com haha
- Pray? Nope
- Go to church? Nope
- Talk to people even though you hate them? I don’t “hate” people, so this is a fundamentally flawed question. But if I need to talk to someone I dislike, I won’t let my feelings come in the way. But if I don’t have to, then no
- Drive? I can, but I don’t
- Like to drive fast? Naw, I’m pretty much like an old lady
- Like your voice? Not really. I think I sound incredibly nerdy. It’s not as bad when I’m just talking, but when I hear a recording of myself it’s really noticable. Even my singing voice sounds weird to me.
- Hurt yourself? Nope

HAVE YOU EVER?

- Been out of the country? Once… I went to Canada when I was 7. That’s it. We don’t really have the funds to do stuff like that, and even if we did, my dad has a “why leave America?” attitude so I’d probably have to go with my grandma
- Had sex? Yes
- Been in love? Yes
- Had a surgery? Yup.. when I was three, I was rocking on a rocking chair in the garage. I rocked too far and fell back and split my head open.
- Ran away from home? Hmm… depends on the definition. One time, my dad got REALLY drunk and started punching stuff, so I ran away to Amanda’s that night, but that was the only time. (Last time he got drunk too)
- Been so drunk that you know you’re supposed to go out on a date with someone, but you can’t remember with who or when and that you faint when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, not to mention your breath? Uh… Just read the previous question’s answer and take a guess as to whether I can stand alcohol or not.
- Thought about suicide? Yes
- Talked on the phone all night? Yes. Actually I talk with Amanda on skype all night almost every day
- Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex? Yes, when I was little we used to go camping with Danny and Caleb.
- Killed someone? …
- Had sex with a stranger? No…
- Thought you’re going crazy? Sometimes I still do, haha
- Kissed the same sex? Nope
- Done anything sexual with the same sex? Not yet
- Stolen anything? Hm… a few times stand out to me. Once, when I was really little, I took a strategy guide for Diddy Kong Racing from the store (so it was probably 1997, so I was 7). I didn’t know that they cost money. Also, when I was 14 or something, I stole a can of cheese from the dollar store just to see if I could get away with it.
- Been on radio/TV? Nope
If I were a month I would be: Probably December. Start off as warm, but turn very cold near the end. Hahah.
If I were a day of the week I would be: Tuesday. I’m very boring and not really renowned for anything.
If I were a time of day I would be: 4am.
If I were a planet I would be: Pluto…oh wait
If I were a direction I would be: West
If I were a liquid I would be: Flavored water…
If I were a flower/plant I would be: Rose, insert cliche with thorns, etc.
If I were an animal I would be: A dog… dumb and loyal.
If I were a color I would be: Gray
If I were a fruit I would be: Strawberry
If I were an element I would be: Wind
If I were a food I would be: Beef jerky lols
If I were a place I would be: Alaska?
If I were a body part I would be: DICKS

subjectless (which is technically a subject)

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 12:00:00 -0500

survey I got from flag

1. If you could change something about me, what would it be?
Um, I would change it so you lived next to me. Is that even a valid answer? I don't think there's really anything else that I would want to change. I'm not the type of person that wants to make others change, anyway, if you changed any it would be weird because you wouldn't really be the same flag? If that makes sense at all. /cop-out

2. What are your greatest hopes for the future?
I don't really think about the future that much honestly. I just deal with things day-by-day, which is probably why I'm an unemployed loser at the moment. But ultimately, I'd like to become a chef of some kind, preferably a pastry chef. That's always been my dream and will probably always be my dream. I want to make sweet stuff. Pretty weird dream for someone so MANRY but I want to make really pretty cakes and stuff like that. I also have really, really unattainable and unrealistic dreams, like joining Morning Musume or being a roadie for Metallica. Or even singing for a living. Things like that just aren't possible, obviously.
I'll just follow you wherever you want to go. I have no preference as to location or that, so long as I'm by you.

3. If you had a son, what would you name him? What about a daughter?
Um, I've used all my favorite names in rp. Would it be weird if I said those? If so, then I'd choose Bruce/Jason/Xander/Lucian/Noah for a male, and Celeste/Sapphire/Rosabella/Adrianne/Natasha for a girl. Yeah, I know, a lot of options, and I've thought about it a lot. I really like the ending sound "n" for a male for some reason, and I like more feminine names for girls. My all time favorite names are probably Julian and Arianna, and that wasn't affected by the rp either-- the other way around actually. I've had a list of baby names for three or four years, and those are just the outstanding ones... the ones that stood the test of time and I still really love after a few years.

4. What's your ideal band? What combination of sounds makes it ideal?
Metallica (and I love you for giving me an excuse to write about this)

The reason I love Metallica so much is because of the musical quality they put on the table. I can't really like a band unless they're nearly perfect, so they have to be very sharp musically as well as good with lyrics and such. I can't respect a band at all if they just scream in their lyrics, but Metallica actually has a fairly good singer which makes listening to it the best. All in all, I'm a choir geek so I appreciate singing more than anything, which is why I like other bands like Iron Maiden and Judas Priest as well.

But um, just using the song Master of Puppets as an example. It has tight drums with fills exactly where they need to be, a bass line that isn't just phoning-it-in same-note-500-times-in-a-row thanks to Cliff Burton's musical genius. The fact that there are two guitarists allows for guitar harmony in the middle which is probably one of my favorite elements that Metallica tends to incorporate into their music. The guitars are very metal and have good riffs even though they're not playing a million miles an hour. The lyrics are incredibly catchy and introspective-- it's referring to drugs, and this was probably a time when they were addicted to drugs so I'm sure they know what they're talking about. My favorite part of this particular song is the break-down in the middle because it really gives the song a chance to build back up. Even though it sounds like a whole new song, it still goes with the general theme of the entire composition. I like this song especially because James actually has the first guitar solo, even though it's slow it still shows the expertise that is required to write most of the riffs like he does. And after that, there's the "master! master!" part which is awesome live. Then Kirk comes in with the second solo which is understandably fast and always full of whammy haha. My only complaint is that the song seems a tad bit long which is why it's only my #2 favorite song, just behind Creeping Death.

But going back to the live part, Metallica was born a live band and will always be a live band. A lot of songs are "audience participation songs" where the audience yells and their 30 years of live performance experience really shows. They have great stage charisma which is also a big part of a band to me. They could be the most musically talented band in the world, but if they have poor stage charisma, they'll quickly get boring. You can only listen to the CDs so many times before getting curious and going to look at them live and seeing how horribly they fail, etc. It's part of the reason why I'm not as big of an Iron Maiden fan as I used to be. Their CDs are really good but in my opinion they really fall flat when it comes to being live.

Another big part of a band, to me, is how they see themselves. I can't get into Megadeth or Guns n' Roses because they are both filled with big egotistical personalities. Metallica has been nothing but humble and they constantly say they're just like the fans, only they're the ones on stage and if they weren't on stage they'd be out in the audience. This kind of attitude has allowed them to "keep it real" so to say for so many years and is probably one of the reasons they came out on top out of the 4 "fathers of thrash" bands.

The last thing is willingness to experiment. If Metallica made Kill 'em All (their first album) over and over and over again, they'd be like Slayer and I honestly wouldn't be interested in them today. What made them such a great band was the willingness to experiment, which meant putting ballads on their albums. Sometimes they fail (St. Anger sucked) but that willingness to step out of the comfort zone is something that is unparalleled in the metal world. They got a lot of shit for it, but they also sold a fuckton of albums with The Black Album.

But um.. to wrap it up? Good vocals, guitar harmony, drum fills right where they should be, lyrics that aren't run-of-the-mill, excellent bass lines, great charisma, good personality, and willingness to experiment are all things that I look for in a rock band. There are also other things I'm sure, like the tonality of the equipment, but it's not as important as the other stuff.

I could get started on why I like Morning Musume as well, but I've already written too much for this question so just remind me if you're interested and I'll write later. Basically, the perfect pop/Morning Musume song to me is nanchatte renai.

5. Coke or pepsi? this question is legit
I don't drink pop that much anymore, but I will always choose Pepsi over Coke. Coke is not sweet enough for me. But these days I probably couldn't be able to tell the difference anyway. I also like Pepsi because they've publicly donated to gay rights funds so it feels morally right supporting them. But I like most pop, the only one I won't drink is Dr Pepper.

DDR

Mon, 27 Jul 2009 12:00:00 -0500

I went out to eat with Steve and Jimmy todayyyy. Steve paid for it because he's a sweetie. He's so selfless; he's the type of person that spends all his check on other people. I really need to get a job to pay him back.

Anyway, we went to Steak and Shake. I had sweet tea and a bacon/chedder burger. I didn't have a shake because we were each supposed to only spend $10. My meal ended up being $8 or something?

Then we went to the mall and went to the arcade. I played DDR for at least 45 minutes, which is actually a lot for fatty-chans like myself. I think I worked off that burger. Then I played Deal or No Deal a few times and had like... 400 tickets? I spent 150 or something and Steve accidentally kept the tickets in his pocket, and when we were walking back to the car, I gave them to three little boys because I wasn't going to use them myself anyway. Steve said I was so generous, and I said I was like the ticket Mother Theresa or somethin'.

Anyway, I played DDR with a very nice girl. She was almost as good as me, but I beat her every song except the last one, because by that time, fatty-chan was very tired. I should have got her AIM or something, it would have been nice to make friends with her but meh. I posted a "missed connections" ad on craigslist for the lulz, and if I don't hear from her, that's fine.

allow me to reintroduce myself.

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 12:00:00 -0500

I had a lot of people add me recently, so allow me to reintroduce myself. (I'm never good at writing these things... I'll try not to make it TL;DR)

As some of you may or may not know, my name is [REDACTED]. I have a million different internet handles (Kirk, hat, magneticdeath, asforoneday, Kohaku, etc) so feel free to call me whatever you want. I live in southwest Michigan, and was born and raised here. I just turned 19 on June 18th. I'm bisexual, but I would never date a male again so I guess that effectively makes me a lesbian. My family has always been in the lower class, money wise. My mother was on welfare the entire time my brother and I lived with her and both my parents dropped out of high school and are now general laborers.

Family-wise, my parents are divorced and have been so since I was 5. I lived with my mom, Grace, and her various boyfriends until I was 12. There was a big custody battle and I ended up with my dad, Jeff. I have been with my dad since 2002.

I quit school in 2007, at the beginning of my senior year. I've always had a 3.7 GPA, I was just going through some struggles at that time (and I'm a quitter, I admit it). However, I got my GED not long after.

I currently still live with my father and my brother, Steve. I don't have a job, but I've been looking. My dad is laid off but my brother has a job.

My girlfriend's name is Julie but I actually call her flag most of the time. My ultimate plan is to move to Belgium with her in a few years. Not sure how that's gonna happen yet, but yeah.

My life is basically Metallica at the moment. I listen to them all the time, watch videos, look at pictures, and generally obsess over them. Cliff Burton has inspired me to start learning the bass. I got a bass for my birthday and can already play a few songs on it.

I do listen to other artists though. Iron Maiden and Morning Musume/Hello!Project mostly.

I also play Guitar Hero/Rock Band almost religiously. I have been playing since April 2007. I have some videos up on youtube somewhere, but I'm a bit lazy to go looking, so if you're really interested in watching let me know.

I don't watch much TV/movies, but when I do, I prefer comedies. Lately I've been into the series "Penn & Teller's Bullshit", which debunks several scams. I think it's in its 7th season. It's an informative show that puts things in a funny manner (not to mention has lots of naked people just because it airs on Showtime).

Other interests include lolita clothing, webdesign, and graphic design.

I like debating too. I tend to lean on the liberal Democrat side of things politics-wise, though I try to examine each issue individually from both sides and come up with a solution (so I could be considered moderate). Also, I am an atheist.

Uh... That's all I can think of now. If anyone has any questions, feel free to leave a comment in this post or something. Haha.

various shit

Sat, 02 May 2009 12:00:00 -0500

Okay, so I haven't had a chance to make an update for a few days.

...That's a lie, I've just been too lazy, really. I'm gonna do an entry about this week in a HIGHLIGHTZ 4 KIDZ version:

Metallica on Timewarp. It was okay, not really that great. The best part was probably Lars joking ("Are you seeing something you haven't noticed before?" "Yeah, my receding hairline") and James spitting all over the mic. Seeing Kirk's fingers go super slow ("I've never played that slow before!") and Robert desperately trying to blow out an amp and epically failing are a few more awesome parts about the show. I didn't like that they showed other shit though. What the shit does a dirt bike have to do with Metallica?
Been trying out new browsers because Firefox has become super slow. As I type this, my text lags. Of course. Anyway, the browser I've chosen is Flock. It's based from Firefox, so it still is a bit slow but not quite as slow. Also, I can use Ad-Block which is great! I wish Google Chrome had Ad-Block but it doesn't. Anyway, Flock has won me over. All its social features are great. Even as I'm writing this entry, I can see what all my friends are doing, which is awesome. I mean, what would I do without the immediate, left-hand sidebar style knowledge that my girlfriend was yawning 10 hours ago!?
Arguments ahoy this week. I don't know. Have I just been irritated? It's kind of stressing me out, though. People are pissing me off this week. But I've made up with every single one of the people I've argued with, so maybe everyone's just touchy. It's the spring weather, I tell ya. No one would pull this shit during winter. That's my home turf, after all.
Amanda and Josh broke up, and she's now talking to another guy. I'm happy about the former fact, but I don't know how to feel about the latter. The guy's name is Jason and he's pretty cool nonetheless. A lot cooler than Josh, not that it's a particularly difficult task, haha.
WEBSITE HOSTS, RAAAGE. I'm sure no one cares about them, but I'll make a TL;DR version: I've had to switch hosts like three times in one week. This is not an easy task. I've decided to get hosted with someone that I'm actually getting to know and like, this guy @ idiologic.com. His name is Ben, and he's pretty freakin' neat.
cock omelette

nothing else matters

Thu, 23 Apr 2009 12:00:00 -0500

Someone finally ripped all the tracks from Guitar Hero Metallica, so now I can make proper instrumentals to karaoke with.

Now I shall die happy.

one

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 12:00:00 -0500

I guess I'll use this time to say that more tickets for Grand Rapids Metallica concert in Nov turned up on ebay, but as usual they're at scalper Fuck You In The Ass prices. And as usual, I've been far too lazy to actually go to the temp service and get a job. Supposedly Steve and Danny are moving out soon, which means less drain on our resources. They were like, "It'll cost us 175 combined to live at the Roadway Inn, and dad's gonna try to charge us 200 bucks combined!" And I was thinking (but I didn't say because hell, I want them to move): "Yeah? Does that include fucking food and gas?" They're pretty... dumb. They aren't realistic about money.

Microblogs - March 2009

Sun, 01 Mar 2009 11:00:00 -0600

2009-03-01 3:35 AM: i'm becoming unhealthily obsessed with a certain band

2009-03-06 12:42 PM: finally fucking got a job

Microblogs - February 2009

Fri, 27 Feb 2009 11:00:00 -0600

2009-02-27 5:26 PM: i'm the rp god lolol

2009-02-25 12:16 AM: i need AFFECTION

2009-02-24 9:12 AM: i hate the color brownnn. [also ugh going to temp services today]

2009-02-22 10:02 PM: i love cake;

2009-02-21 6:55 PM: some shitty nick song stuck in my head

2009-02-17 4:57 PM: sharing a link to the naichau kamo single wooo;;

2009-02-15 7:23 PM: i want out of here

2009-02-13 6:50 PM: what the shit is a "plurk" anyway.

2009-02-12 12:13 AM: family is crazy;;

2009-02-10 10:01 PM: fuck everyone, srsly

2009-02-09 4:48 AM: bedtime now

2009-02-07 9:41 PM: hungryyyy

2009-02-06 11:17 PM: splurged and spent $40, so I better get the job✩

2009-02-06 6:10 AM: going to bed now~~

2009-02-01 6:40 AM: just now getting to sleep... jeez

Microblogs - October 2008

Sun, 26 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0500

2008-10-26 5:42 PM: beat almost every song on expert drums so there :3

2008-10-25 9:26 AM: not replaying ff8, since save game glitched and deleted, boo!

2008-10-25 1:29 AM: replaying ff8 yay @_@

2008-10-20 10:42 PM: afraid~ hold me ;o;

2008-10-17 4:31 AM: boredom ー△ー

2008-10-16 8:25 AM: going to bed for real now (damn addictive internet~)

2008-10-16 6:41 AM: going to bed nowww

The entry where I ramble on about crazy conspiracy theories

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 12:00:00 -0500

Every person who is a fan of H!P has their own crazy conspiracy theories. It’s impossible to be a fan without thinking that there’s something going on behind the scenes that we don’t know about. A big example of a recent one is “What happened to Goto? She just quit? She HAD to have motives. Maybe she wasn’t happy with the management. Maybe it was because of her brother. Maybe it was because she had a man.” Everyone has their own idea of why Goto quit, and theories about her coming back as well. Another big one I can think of is “Where is Aibon now and did she purposely sabotage her way out of H!P?”

But I’m not here to talk about those. I couldn’t care less to talk about those. This is the person in question for today:

Miki Fujimoto. She’s a very cunning woman, and I’d like to say I think she’s too cunning. I think she had a plan to get her solo career back this entire time.

Imagine being a young teenage girl who has a passion for singing and wants to break into the market (I know, hard to imagine, but bare with me). You’re pretty desperate. You notice that Morning Musume is having an audition very soon. So, you practice your favorite song over and over, and the day comes where you must audition. You do your best, but they don’t call you back for some time.

You’re understandably pretty depressed. Until one day, they call you back and tell you they want you to be a soloist! You’re psyched. You couldn’t ask for anything better. You give your 100% in every song, and get used to being a soloist. You put out a few singles, maybe an album, and catch on to the business very well. You’re on top of the world.

One day, Tsunku calls you and says he needs to have a meeting with you. He tells you that he thinks it would be a good idea right now for you to join Morning Musume. But… had you not been good enough to be a soloist?
You’re understandably pretty pissed off. But you know that if you don’t accept his offer, you’ll be fired. Although it’s taking a step back, you think this will only be temporary and will do better for your career in the long run. Tsunku knows best, right?

A year passes. Another year passes. 4 or 5 years have passed and it’s becoming glaringly obvious that Tsunku never meant for this to be a “temporary thing”. You start to formulate a plan. Tsunku put you in a group with your best friend and you want to join that permanently and quit Morning Musume. You wait it out, make sure that this group is going to be a permanent thing, and then, you make your move.

You call up a couple of paparazzi and make sure that everyone will see you with your boyfriend. When the news comes out in the papers, you act surprised and quickly resign. You know that H!P needs you, so this plan cannot fail.

You wait it out. Finally, Tsunku says that he wants you back in Hello!Project. He does you one better than your best-friend-duo. He offers you your solo career back! Great! Your plan has worked. Happily ever after.

Now, I would have nothing against Fujimoto doing this. The only thing that pisses me off is the exact same thing happened to Yaguchi, and we have yet to see anything but Uta Doki and a few MC performances from her. Definitely no single, definitely no album. Why the hell is Yaguchi being shafted while Fujimoto is being rewarded? Oh well. Tsunku’s mind works in mysterious (and sometimes faulty) ways. I guess there was just no demand for Yagucchan. ;__;

HEY GUYS

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 12:00:00 -0500

I AM OUTRAGED BY THIS UNEVEN LINE DISTRIBUTION. Tsunku is being insane again.

I mean, the new generation isn’t even seen. WTF. They literally HIDE THEM IN THE SHADOWS. Only two or three members are shown. WTF Tsunku? WTF. I do like how it’s kind of urban and dark though. That’s really cool. This song would be perfect if everyone had even line distribution, srysly.

If anyone doesn’t know what I’m talking about or hasn’t heard it yet, I’m talking about the Morning Musume single.

You can stream it here: “Summer Night Town” (more like Summer Night Abe, amirite?)

(for legal reasons this entry is a joke/making fun of the resonant blue angst)

do I win youtube?

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 12:00:00 -0500

My Youtube Stats For Today:

#24 - Most Discussed (Today) - Music
#41 - Top Favorites (Today) - Music

Anywho. My thoughts on Resonant Blue? AWESOME SONG. I keep listening to it, trying to figure out why the hell I like it so much. It’s probably because I’ve liked these kinds of music in the past so it shouldn’t be a real surprise why I like it now. Technically, it’s a really good song. The bassline is strong and the drums are passable. Most of the song is made up of the singing, but Tsunku always creates his songs to cater to the voices (which makes sense). The vocals are strong (even if they aren’t split up very evenly). Tsunku is back to putting his voice in every single line, for whatever God awful reason. This song reminds me of something they would’ve made way back then, but the leads would’ve been Abe and Fukuda. That would’ve been interesting to listen to…

Thoughts about the PV? It’s really good. The choreography is spot on, and really fun to watch. I hate how the other members literally (and quite intentionally) blend into the background, though. After all, this is “Morning Musume” not “Takahashi, Tanaka, and Kusumi ft. other girls” just like I said on Hello!Online. I did a test in Windows Media Player, increasing the brightness two times and then zooming in on each corner so you could see the other members better. I wonder if anyone would be interested in me uploading those to Youtube too? It’s a lot easier to see the members but remember this isn’t the highest quality rip in the world so it would probably look even worse after being changed to .wmv.

And for those who don’t know me, I guess I should make a short self introduction. This IS a new blog after all, and why should you care about some random person’s opinion? Hopefully this will let you in on my point of view a little more.

My IRL name is XXXXX (omg no girls on the internet!). Many people don’t know that. I’m more commonly known as “Gray”, “agrayrainbow” (subtitling/Hello!Online), “toxicrainn” (on youtube), and “Masabi” (at jphip). I’m going to be 18 in June and I live in Michigan. I’ve been listening to Morning Musume since 2003 off and on, and I’ve followed it like a religion since 2005. I may come off as cynical or downright bitchy 90% of the time, but it gets my point across. I’m always up for debate especially when it comes to Hello!Project and every comment on this blog will be read (if not replied to). The purpose of this blog is to stop cluttering comment spaces and repeating myself on several blogs/news sites and just responding to news here.

I have an RSS syndicate under “Meta” or you can just bookmark me. If you’d like to be in my blogroll, comment here. I know tons of H!P sites but I only really go to InternationalWota so that’s the only site linked for now (that is until someone asks me to link them).

Oh, and if you couldn’t tell, the site’s name is “Mitsuboshi” (mi ★ tsu ★ boshi) which comes from Kusumi Koharu’s album name.

I think that’s all for now. Haha.

My life...

Fri, 11 Jan 2008 11:00:00 -0600

&apologies;
I have really, really been meaning to update this thing with something useful. Really. I have really good intentions but I haven't gotten around to it. So here I am! ♥

&writing;
I want to write so much. I know, I'll probably rp with Matt dizzle sometime soon but it's really itching me... so I maybe will write some sort of fanfic about Gears something soon. I've had this creative feeling for the past few days and I don't know what it's about. Maybe it's because I haven't been creative enough lately? So if you see a story placed in this journal sometime, you can read it or don't, it doesn't matter to me. But I bet you'll be seeing one from me soon.

&gaming;
Meh.. I broke my gaming streak today because I didn't get on. Maybe I just feel less like gaming lately? Rock Band has been bleh (I need a break from it) and COD4 is impossible on Veteran and lost its addictiveness on Multiplayer. I could play Viva Pinata but I didn't really feel like it today.. and Sneak King is definitely for days that I feel like playing it.

&drama;
There was a lot of drama today which surely insured at first that I would have weekend plans, then they were torn away from me. Yeah, shitty, but oh well. I'll get over it. I just feel like I'm going to lose friends over bullshit and I don't really want to... I might not seem like it, but I really, REALLY hate drama. It stresses me out and I tend to want to eliminate stress sources (a part of a reason why I quit high school).

&topmodel;
I watched Season 9 of America's Next Top Model and I was totally blown away, shocked, and OFFENDED by who was top model. I won't spoil it because it's a fairly recent season but once again I feel when it came down to the last two, the person who really deserved it got ripped off. It wasn't so much of an injustice as Season 8 though. Natasha TOTALLY deserved every ounce of that prize and I'm glad to hear she's still out there modeling. I wanted to use her in my new layout but I couldn't find a high enough quality picture, unfortunately.

&life;
I want to see what we can do about my GED this weekend. I'm going to go take a test hopefully this weekend to see if I can take the GED without study (hopefully I can) and if it's possible I'll just jump and take the real test. Then I will need a car to drive so that I can learn, which comes down to fixing our cars with tax returns. Then, I will get a job.. then I will visit him.

&taxreturns;
For tax returns, Dad said it was possible to get a new monitor which I severely need because this one is major suckage. Also he said we're getting both our cars fixed which is great. He said he was going to sell the Grand Prix and get me a new car most likely.. and I said it would be better on insurance and easier to drive if he got a smaller Japanese one. I just feel more comfortable because I'm so fucking short if I'm driving a smaller car.

&etc;
There's PROBABLY things I'm forgetting. I'm that type of person. However, if I remember anything I'll add it in? Or just make a new entry if it's significant enough. Happy Friday everyone and remember: not everything is as it seems. Good night.

arcade dream

Fri, 04 Jan 2008 11:00:00 -0600

I had a dream of an arcade.. we went in with my gramma and Steve and Amanda, though somehow other people came too.

There were a few different scenarios:

Skeeball: Amanda and Steve and I all played Skeeball. Mine was broken though and the ball would not fit through the plastic thing at the end and was actually SUBTRACTING points. I ended up getting like 5 tickets though.

Mortal Kombat: There was a TV hooked up and it said "Free". They were apparently running an emulator and rom and the person who worked there (who happened to be my cousin, John) said it was so his boss could see how everyone was playing. Steve tried to play and go through the menus but they were all in Italian. He changed it to English and eventually we played. I sucked as usual...

"Singstar?": It was called Singstar but it was really Karaoke Revolution + DDR. Amanda and I played, and I picked "Higher", the DDR song. I yelled at her for not doing the DDR parts (ignoring them completely) and just doing the singing.

Weird Guitar Hero Rip Off: There was a guy playing Guitar Hero Rip Off, and all the colors were in the wrong places so it was really difficult. He wanted me to try it, and I was passing all right but not very well. I exclaimed, "What is this! Lefty Flip!" but it wasn't.

During WGHRO: While I was playing GH Rip Off, Dale came behind me and hugged me and said that he loved me. It was.. a little random and weird, but I felt embarrassed cos my Gramma was there.

After all the games are done: Here's the sad part. For some reason my MOM was there, and she was like "how do you feel about me?" and I told her that I loved her and that she's my mom, and she told me that how she THINKS I feel about her is "I don't love her and don't ever want to talk to her again". Then I woke up..

It was weird.

Update on teh monies PT 2

Mon, 31 Dec 2007 11:00:00 -0600

Steve let me have 35 dollars because he's the sweetest brother in the world, and I bought a Gears of War guide along with a Rock Band guide. I've been playing Gears of War for more than 9 months now so it's kind of a mystery why I haven't bought one yet (and why I haven't actually beat one player by myself). It also has multiplayer maps which will do really good in helping me actually become a better player. The Rock Band one has each individual song outlined by each instrument and developer high scores.. which will help both. <3

2007 Survey [it was a big year.]

Sat, 29 Dec 2007 11:00:00 -0600

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
Drive around with only my brother!

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any last year. I didn't think I needed to. This year, I think I may make "stop drinking pop"

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
I don't know how close they are, but all my cousins are getting pregnant. Literally every girl from my 2nd cousin's family has gotten pregnant this year.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No. Whew.. not sure about next year though..

5. What countries did you visit?
Pff I wish I could visit other countries.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
Less procrastination!! I want to be able to drive and get a job..

7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 4, 2007-- the day I got my very own Xbox 360!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Quitting school. (I know it's weird, but I've been wanting to forever.)

9. What was your biggest failure?
Procrastinating 6 months away.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nope, thankfully.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Xbox 360 by far.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
None...?

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? worried?
A lot of my friends'. Maybe I'm just pessimistic.

14. Where did most of ALL! your money go?
Xbox 360 + stuff.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Rock Band! Man I waited MONTHS for that thing.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
Epic by Faith no more

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier, generally (though I had super pissy moments)
ii. thinner or fatter? the same amazingly.
iii. richer or poorer? depends on what you mean. If you mean physical money and possessions, I'd say the same. If you mean rich with happiness and good events, I'd say richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Getting out of the house...

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Procrastination

20. How will you be spending did you spend Christmas?
...this question doesn't make sense.

22. Did you fall in love in 2007?
Yes

23. How many one-night stands?
0, I'm a virgin ~_~

24. What was your favourite TV programme?
I got into Days of Our Lives for 2 seconds.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nope.

26. What was the best book you read?
I haven't read any. (Hey, don't get on me! I do all my learning online.)

27. What was your greatest musical (re)discovery?
Ayu, which I had abandoned really.

28. What did you want and get?
Xbox 360

29. What did you want and not get?
Ayu's new album.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
There were a lot of good ones this year...

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I went out to eat and went shopping. I am 17. (Only one more year 'til the big one eight..)

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Be able to meet him physically.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
Same as every year-- do not care.

34. What kept you sane?
The people closest to me!

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Ayu, as every year.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Gay marriage. Had one too many debates about that this year.

37. Who did you miss?
Amanda! She moved.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Dale..

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
Material possessions are shit. All you really need is love.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
.. I don't even know. D:

Update on teh monies.

Sat, 29 Dec 2007 11:00:00 -0600

I bought $50 worth of Microsoft Points and an Xbox 360 Chat pad, which came with the new mic I needed with a bonus of a chat pad so I don't have to keep typing out messages with the analog stick. I have about $60 left but I don't know what I'll get with it yet. I've only got Zuma (arcade game), War Pigs (Rock Band song), and a picture pack with the MSP thus far.

feeling dead = yay

Sun, 23 Dec 2007 11:00:00 -0600

I'll never beat Green Grass & High Tides on Expert.

I will never get ALL of the achievements on Rock Band.

I will probably never get all of the achievements on any retail game, to be frank.

Why the fuck do I suck so much? It's really depressing....

sold

Sun, 23 Dec 2007 11:00:00 -0600

Sold my Gamecube for $100 which I will be getting in a few days. $50 from gramma. This is what I might buy with it:

Awesome Headphones - $90
A $60 game, most likely Viva Pinata OR 4000 Microsoft Points OR Year subscription Xbox Live

Man.. that's depressing. I kept telling myself, "Am I really gonna use this?" and ended up with such a small list.. lol! I wanted to keep it to stuff I use daily which is only XBox 360 and Computer.. I thought about ADDING stuff like a camera but I'm not so sure about that seeing as I don't look good in pictures and I don't get out enough to go out and take pictures of other stuff.

I might just save the $60. :< The only thing for SURE I'm going to get is the new Headphones thing.

MSP Rock Band songs

David Bowie Pack 01 - 440
Punk Pack - 440
"Fortunate Son" - 160
"Bang a Gong (Get It On)" - 160
"Cherry Bomb" - 160
"Synchronicity II" - 160
"Can't Stand Losing You" - 160
"3's and 7's" - 160
"Sick, Sick, Sick" - 160
"Sweet Leaf" - 160
"My Iron Lung" - 160
"Brass in Pocket" - 160

rock band

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 11:00:00 -0600

today, rock band comes out.

i had my alarm set for 8am but ended up getting up at 7am because the anticipation was making me wake up every few hours.

best buy opens at 10am here, so dad is gonna get up at 9am and we have to get started then because the thunderbird only goes 30mph max. we have to take a back road XD

I AM SO EXCITED!

gonna go try to pass time by watching america's next top model season 8...

rock band results

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 11:00:00 -0600

it is the awesomest shit ever! and apparently some peoples' best buys didn't get copies in until tomorrow, i would've been so pissed!

i'm trying to beat the solo career on expert right now. i have the highest leaderboard for the song "dani california" and have 100% hit on expert on that, which means it's like the maximum score.

i'm also #2 on the vocal career overall leaderboards.

i know that's going to change as soon as more people get the game but whatever lol.

wait, what

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 11:00:00 -0600

Band World Tour is only offline and only 2+ players?

Wow, that really puts me off of Rock Band, because that was the thing I was looking forward to the most, and now I hear I can't even play it unless two people are playing *unless I want to sing while I play, which would cause me to need a mic stand.. and to know the songs of course*

I'm sure it won't be a problem at first, but it's going to be annoying after I beat all the songs on Expert in 1p mode.. well hopefully by then either they'll have patched it with online Band World Tour or I know all the songs singing by heart and can sing and do the drums at the same time or something. Gah.

10 things that make me happy!

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 11:00:00 -0600

Rules: The rules are easy, just post 10 things that recently made you happy! Then tag 10 people and force them to post this meme on their LJs. Because it is good. Everyone needs a little happiness once in a while.

01] Dale♥ Whenever I talk to him, I am happier. He makes my life worth living♥
02] Morning Musume & Ayu.. well, music in general, I guess. If it's a happy song, I get happy!
03] Getting stuff for free!
04] Steve and Amanda♥ My brother and my best friend! They can both cheer me up when I'm feeling upset or down. Steve is brutally honest which I really appreciate and Amanda always makes me feel good about myself.
05] Making other people happy. I sub so that other people can understand things and enjoy the videos better. I try to do my best everyday to help other people out when I can, and when I see that they are truly happy because of it, it makes me happier than anything.
06] Watching Tyra and court TV! And comedies too ♥ I love learning stuff, and I also love people who are inspirational, and things that make me laugh. Whenever I laugh, I'm happy.
07] When I actually work for something and can buy it myself. When I worked for those 1600 Microsoft Points and didn't make dad pay $20 for me, I felt so liberated and like I really earned them! (And I didn't spend them so quickly knowing that too XDD)
08] Dancing and singing. Singing mostly, unfortunately because it makes me so happy, when someone criticizes me, I get really upset T___T
09] Rock Band which is coming out in FOUR DAYS #(Y*RY*#RHOSDGHDSGH I CANNOT WAIT! We're gonna line up before Best Buy opens and rush in there and get a copy! ♥
10] Simple pleasures such as rain pattering outside the window or calm music. It makes me happy and peaceful.

Um.. I'm glad I did this. Because a lot of people say I'm super moody and angry all the time and hard to please, I think this is a list that can be useful. XDD

a

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 11:00:00 -0600

Since I haven't had most of these lately, I'm going to write a "real" entry which isn't just filler links or video or something. I don't have much to say though, so I'll just let a UL do it:

I'm making a big image of a whole bunch of "secrets" I have. I don't know if I'll just end up deleting it in the end, but it feels good. I already have tons and tons and tons of secrets written down!
Amanda moved. I miss her. T___T
I was supposed to go to my gramma's a few days ago but I accidently stayed up too late, and when she called she just decided that we should do it some other time.
Fansubbing is going great. Because I subbed Momusu's Mikan (here) only a day after it came on TV, it so far has around 1.6k views, and even got a few awards a few days ago. I'm pretty proud of that.
Because people have been seeing that fansub, I have gotten at least 3 requests for me to join people's groups.
ROCK BAND COMES IN 9 DAYS UYHR$*IHRHW*YVHJNDVJKNSDKNVSCKNjvn
New layout : t0xicrain

That is all.

this is the reason I sub

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 11:00:00 -0600

I turned on my laptop, checked my email, and found myself browsing the Hello! Online tracker, where I saw someone had uploaded an English-subbed version of Mikan– which they fortunately uploaded to Youtube for lazy people like me. So I clicked on the link to watch, and when I was reading the translation and watching the PV– I honestly almost started bawling. I really don’t know why. Kind of the same way I don’t know why I started crying when I watched Koharu performing a solo of ‘Ai Araba IT’S ALL RIGHT.’ It very well could’ve been the fact that I was really sleep-deprived and not 100 percent awake yet, but there was something that felt really, really epic about the PV and the song meaning together. Needless to say, I’m just a huge fan of this single now.

- This blog, talking about my subs for Mikan.

I sub because I feel the English community deserves to know the meaning of songs the day they come out as well as the Japanese community.
I sub because I know at least one person will enjoy it.
I sub for the community's sake.

"Whatever Dad, I don't even care." means that.

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 11:00:00 -0600

I know I'm going to sound seriously like a spoiled bitch in this post. But what do I really care. I don't. I just have to get my feelings out.

My dad's a pretty manly man, and to see him cry (or at least hear him sniffling, I couldn't bring myself to look over) is pretty upsetting. I thought he just had a cold until he started to talk and his voice cracked. He said something like this:

"I'll go sell all those other games you just had to have tomorrow to buy this one that you just have to have."

Yes, now that makes me look horrible. But you have to know the rest of the story, really.

I've been wanting the game Rock Band for a good 7 months. No joke. I have never wanted anything more, video game or otherwise. That's all I've been thinking about. I've been dreaming about the fucking thing. I played it at Best Buy and I wanted it even more. Dad continued to reassure me that, "it'll be fine", "we'll get it", getting my hopes up and everything.

But it's easy to fucking talk when the release date isn't 3 weeks away, isn't it!

Now, I know we've been having a hard time. Both our cars are broken and Dad has to buy new parts. I understand that completely. But I've been hearing rumors that it's going to be hard to get it if you don't get it on the release date, and you'll have to wait until Christmas or maybe even worse.

So, I wasn't about to make Dad go out and buy it. No fucking way, no fucking how. I was pretty depressed, until I came up with a plan that I thought everyone could relate to: Gramma preorders, buys it on the release date, and Dad can pay her back at his will. It's good for Dad because he can pay it back when he feels comfortable that we have extra money. It's good for Gramma because I'm not going to ask for anything for Christmas and all she has to do is this one favor. It's good for me because I get the game that I want for Christmas on the day it releases.

I asked Dad yesterday if this sounded okay, not keeping anything from him and telling him exactly what I planned to tell Gramma. He said "That sounds like a good idea, go ahead and call her when we get home." Great, okay, I'll be able to get it on the release date.

But apparently, Dad is PMSing today.

I sent an email to Gramma yesterday about it, and then she called me back today. My email included buying it online because I thought that would be most convenient for her. But she thought that it would be better to go into Best Buy and preorder, then pick it up and pay for it later, so everything can be done locally. I insist that she talks to Dad because I figure Dad wants to hear everything and wants to make sure that everything is okay.

He goes bat shit insane.

He starts talking about how we don't have any money right now, how I "just can't wait" for it, and making me look like a bad person who didn't even ask him about the whole thing. Basically trash talking me to my own gramma after I told her I had asked him and all. And I did, unless I somehow magically dreamt up asking him (pretty sure I didn't). He hangs up, angry with Gramma, goes into the bathroom pissed and crying or whatever, then comes out and grabs the box of games, walking out the door saying,

"I'll go sell all those other games you just had to have tomorrow to buy this one that you just have to have."

I NEVER fucking ask for anything. Ever. The last thing I asked for something was March 2007 when I asked for the Xbox 360. That means for 9 months, I've just been quiet and happy with what I had. Even when my Guitar Hero II was broken, I didn't ask for it to be replaced. I've just been happy with what I have.

But when I finally fucking ask for one thing (especially so near Christmas) and come up with a plan that I can get it, Dad goes fucking batshit insane.

You know what, Dad? Your fucking PMSing is causing me physical pain because I'm so upset and your mood swings aren't welcome around me. If I knew that this game would bring SO MUCH fucking turmoil to us, then I would have never even paid any attention to it.

When he walked out the door, I said, "Whatever, Dad, I don't even care. I don't even want it now." And that's the truth, because no amount of physical pain or emotional turmoil is worth some stupid fucking game, no matter how good it is.

I'm going to bed (even though I just woke up). Fuck it.

I DON'T KNOW WHEN I'M GOING TO BE UP OR GET ONLINE, IF EVER SOON.

Right now I just feel like crawling in a hole and dying.

ct2 fangirling ♥

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 12:00:00 -0500

I (and by I, I mean nyanko_nin) started playing Clock Tower 2 the other day. That is the ONLY game I think that I am better than her at 1 player mode in. I convinced her she should try to play it, and even hooked up the PS2 so she could. But she was hella confused and didn't know the exact steps to get through the level like I did.

It really made me think about old times back in 2002 and 2003 when I first saw that game. I rented Clock Tower 1 first, but I didn't really get to play it all that much so I asked Steve to rent it again for me (I didn't feel like going to the video rental store with my dad and him). He came back with Clock Tower 2 saying something like, "They didn't have the original one so I got this one".

I groaned with annoyance and decided to give this one a try. And although it had shoddy graphics and a confusing gameplay, I really loved the storyline and most of all, Bates. I don't know what it was, perhaps that I was a 12 or 13 year old girl and he seemed to be a badass guy, perhaps it was because he was the only good voice actor in the game, perhaps it was because he got all the best lines, but he was the one who made me shell out $40 to buy the game online (and $20 again on ebay later after I lent it to a friend I never saw again).

S'yeah, apparently Amanda (nyanko_nin) didn't get that far, but I started to watch the endings again on YouTube. I was of course very happy because I got to watch them but something that annoyed me the most was Bates' Japanese voice. It was a.. girl? What the hell? The voice actor sounded apathetic and there was no way in hell she could hold a candle to Roger L Jackson. When they say "Japanese voice acting is always better", they don't mean ALWAYS. Take it from me, rly.

Anyway, I think I'm getting back on a CT2 kick, which is always good. 8D Though I don't feel like unhooking the Xbox 360.. and just ended up playing UNO. I'm trying to get that last achievement! Can you blame me? That'll be the first game I ever finished. ♥ The second one will be ROCK BAND! Mwahaha, can't wait for that.

Well, money's been tight and I don't know whether I can buy The Orange Box but Dad said we could at least rent it again this weekend. I've been hyped about playing Team Fortress 2 again, which has serious replayability.

Maybe he'll buy it when I tell him he doesn't have to buy Army of Two in November (it was pushed back to 2008). Dale said he might get it too. Here's to hoping we have another multiplayer game to play, because as much as I like Gears I'm a little burned out on it...

PS: Rock Band's release date was pushed earlier, to Nov 20 which is 3 days earlier than Black Friday. Hurray! ♥

PPS: New layout

Counters..

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 12:00:00 -0500

November Releases for XBox360

Gears of War PC comes out November 6, 2007. It will cost $0 (what, you think I'm actually BUYING it?).
Army of Two comes out November 13, 2007. It will cost $60.
Rock Band comes out November 23, 2007 [Black Friday, blah]. It will cost $170 bundled.

Now, if any of you have any idea as to how I'm going to hit Dad up for $230, tell me. I might just ask for these for an early Christmas present.

Also, it was Ayu's birthday a few days ago. I forgot to mention anything, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY AYU! Hope you had a great one.

Documenting the lulz

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 12:00:00 -0500

This man has the nerve to call *ME* a fat loser.

I'm keeping this entry public so anyone who was or wasn't involved can read about it, and take the screenshots how they want to take them.

What happened was, fazeshot decided to post a thread regarding subbing Gyaruru's "Boom Boom Meccha Maccho" PV. However, he refused to bare in mind the following things:

Gyaruru is not H!P
The only lyrics that could be found were romaji
No one would probably be interested

Sure enough, there were only a few replies and no one was interested. Because we didn't want this to end up like jphip fansubs, SacredCultivator (the guy who runs Hello!Fansubs basically) made the decision that it would be best if that project was dropped.

Bare in mind fazeshot is the one who paid for the domain and supposedly started H!F (this should have nothing to do with it, but read on.)

Fazeshot goes basically apeshit with his first post (click here for a screenshot)

Seems like an elitist and stupid "rule" you have going there but sure w/e you lack interest in the project because it lacks "H!P fanboys rejoice here" stamp on it.. i understand... regardless of it being stamped with H!P or not its still in affiliation in my eyes but w/e I'm just the one who payed outta my pocket for the domain name and whatnot as well as sparked the interest in what is now H!F I have no say though none... I might as well just demote myself to Group: Noob, But Oh well thats how it's been since the beginning even when I was active. Honestly I just gave up because you always wanted to run the show so run it man I don't give a shit hence why I don't bother to go outta my way to help you guys with releases. You just pushed me outta the way and basically say "This is sacred's H!F" when I was the one who started the damn thing and was the one you talked to when we decided structure of the thing and you were assigned co-leader until you just totally tried to take over and make this yours... That's why I make no effort to help because I feel like u did nothing but shove me of my position which has always annoyed me and haku very much shit, when I was still active u denied haku a chance to help encode when he was one of the founding members BEFORE you!.

Oh yah and don't delete my post because i'm not in the mood to be "pushed aside" again.

So w/e call the shots big shot

(editor's note: this post was added in 10 minutes after the rest) Look sacred your a cool guy and all but i'm sorry I just had to tell my whole stance on the thing that I've thought for a while and kept under wraps for a long time.. yes I know u are the one who recruited a shitload of members and whatnot but still I should still have a majority say in things and not just be shrugged off as something less than a member

This was my pissed off response, which caused both SacredCultivator and I to be banned (click here for a screenshot)

[edit] Bare in mind this post was made before your little last line edit.

Sounds like a lot of pent up anger. Let me just say before I begin to write my response that I will always support SC and his decisions with H!F because he's definitely the one who does mostly everything around here. Now let me respond to each point.

The group is called HELLO!Fansubs if you haven't noticed. That tends to mean that everyone in here is interested in subbing Hello!Project. No one was even interested in the project and we understand that you'd like to suggest it but unless you're going to be doing most of the work yourself, you can't expect everyone to immediately want to jump on it just because you have "LOL POWERS" or "LOL AUTHORITY" or "LOL LEADER". This is a group effort and you don't really seem to realize that.

You paid out of your pocket? What, $20? We're very thankful and all but paying a couple bucks for a domain name and webhost does not give you supreme authority or rule, bud. I could just as easily have done the exact same thing for H!F and even offered to do so WITHOUT expecting anything like authority in return (or "This is awesome! You guys should totally bow to my will because, you know, I spent IN REAL LIFE MONIES"). You aren't doing ANYTHING with the domain and I've been doing most of the web maintenance. Bare in mind that it would be just as easy for us to buy another name and for me to set it up, because I'm sorry but I'm a hell of a lot more dedicated to web maintenance than you seem to be.

As for sparking the interest in H!F, 1) I don't really think there's a lot of "interest", no more than my own personal subs (only a few people have joined) and 2) if anything sparked any interest it's the releases themselves, not your "hard work" in "promoting" H!F.

What the fuck have you done around here? Timed once or twice? SacredCultivator has been putting so much of his free time and effort into making sure this doesn't end up dead like jphip fansubs. You don't give him ANY respect WHATSOEVER even though he tries his best to make this the best damn fansubs group out there. He always tries to be nice and make well informed decisions and you barge into this place as if you are some sort of fucking big shit because you happened to have a few extra bucks to dish out on an (unneeded) domain.

You don't bother to go out of your way because you DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HELLO!FANSUBS. Starting it means nothing if you don't continue through with what you have started. I don't see you leading the pack or even attempting to, I don't see you doing research about what kind of projects to start up (this was a hopeless one to begin with because there were no lyrics anywhere and it wasn't even H!P), and I sure as hell don't see you donating the kind of (PRICELESS) time that SC does around here. You're rarely online according to him and only show up when you want something for you.

Lol, wanna know something funny? We don't need you, fazeshot.. because no matter under what name, there will always be translators, timers, encoders, and etc that will see through your falsity and create a new group with us. If we did create a new group, the only thing that would change is the name because you sure as hell haven't been doing anything around here.

Using your so called "leet owner powers" only makes you look like an asshole. I had no opinion of you before this post, but as I'm sure the other members can see, you truly are the definition of "inflated self importance".

This is SacredCultivator's response, still being nice for some reason (click here for a screenshot)

Nah I am not going to delete your post.. I am going to leave it and have other members comment upon it...

And I will be nice about this...

First off, YES you did start up the Idea of the Group, I will give you that. Yes you did pay for a domain or whatnot BUT you have to keep in mind about this... I was quite against it in the first place... As I didn't want ANY money invested into this Group which is why if I am not mistaken had a FREE forum which WORKED for us... No members had complaints about it... Take careful note.. After we made the move.. what happened? Bam members didn't even sign up (We have a few refusing to re-register on here, and I try to keep in touch with them via messenger)... No I am not saying it is necessarily your fault for this, as you were doing what is best for the group.. but again I warned and said 'moving' can lead to problems and provided JPHIP as the best example.. and even now we are trying to resurrect it...

Go out of your way... hmmm.. yes int he beginning you two were active... And for Encoding... yes Haku offered to help as Encoder, but I subbed in because I have already had experience and if I am not mistaken Haku pointed out that he was still learning... In the end I am Global Encoder and we have had no problems thus far, I mean Sukebei is Global Encoder as well for H264/ projects he solo's on... No I am not necessarily pushing you the Founder and Haku aside... You gave up far too early... As I will say, you didn't really comment upon projects that were brought up, only one is the Reina DVD, which we are still working on as I got a new translator to help work on it. After that Project, you fell silent... And I DID contact you MANY times and you just never responded.. and when you did.. you still put the work aside...

Ex.
-Asked you to become affiliates with another Forum (You said I'll let the webmaster know...) Emmm yeah.. still don't see that site on the FrontPage so I kindly asked Amber to do so and she did so immediately (On another Front Page though, as it seems there are some problems with ours that whens he updates it is all screwy, and she doesn't want to go through the trouble to mess with it){You can ask Amber about this as yeah she offered to help out updating the frontpage as you said you would but didn't really and I gave about a week}

Also... I really hate to bring this one out on ya, but since you took this to that level.. You and Haku wanted to start up H!A... And you two were quite into it.. but seems you had trouble getting members right? Yeah this is where i was gonna say how I brought in most of the Members into the group, but read your edit, so I respect that in you.

But yeah I honestly didn't mean to 'shove' you aside... But the intention of this group was Hello!Mornings right? Hence the Hello!Fansubs.. So I felt it would only make sense to do H!F related Media, it isn't an 'elitist' move.. it makes logical sense... And seeing as to how even though Tsunku is the only affiliation between H!P/Gyaruru, I still feel that it is it's own thing... I still respect you for bringing up such a magnificent idea even though it took a turn and did other things apart from H!M's but have to realize the Translators come and go and sometimes they have their mind set on other thigns than H!M's and I have to respect that as they are the Translator and as I have various experience with other groups (Anime doesn't count in this sense as I think they do things much differently than live drama's/ whatnot) so I sort of have an understanding as to how crucial Translators are to groups so I give them as much 'lax' time as possible so they are not pressured in anyway.. Although I do feel sad that I pressured poor aimaime into doing Reina's DVD at a higher priority than his other project >< (Sorries aimaime).

And because of this I don't want you to just completely obliterate this forums or whatnot... So hope we can get in good terms in one way or another... As you know I don't mean to be all 'self-ish' or whatnot, but if I am a 'role-model' for others, and things aren't looking so great, I have to step up and put things in order, so I hope you can understand and respect where i am coming at.

My response and then SacredCultivator's response (keep in mind a lot of stuff has been going on in AIM like fazeshot calling me slut and bitch, which I am not pasting here due to SC's privacy) (click here for a screenshot)

i'm leaving
i don't enjoy being under the "rule" of someone like that
enjoy your aids, fazeshot, you immature fuck (banning SC and I? calling me names to SC over AIM? haha what is this, first grade?)

SacredCultivator's response

Mehs... Amber.... =`( bleh... you know how I feel about this so yeah... arge... so sorries about things... I should've figured something so great takes a fall when it climaxes... I'll miss you... although I'll still be working with ya over at jphip.. but still... things definitely won't be the same and I already told you the reason haha... Mehs..

@faze: Dont' get angry from Ambers comment.. as I told you I respect her that she is blunt the way she is... As it allows one to repair things just like how she came up to me about one of our members and their choice of colors to use, I took care of it instantly and things were solved... Again I really hope you understand the conversation we had via AIM....

Fazeshot showing his maturity, bare in mind I was never "DDoS"ed at all, and later he calls me a "geek" for having protection against it (click here for a screenshot)

You guys are cliquey sp? don't let me intrude on your little "in" crowd lol it seems like u guys are the ones on power trips seeing as U all think what u say goes and thats that.

P.S. amber enjoy the DDOS attacks you pissed off my webmaster so yah... have fun having random ping spikes for a while.. nothing I can do to stop him from that.

SacredCultivator's response (click here for a screenshot)

@faze: Emm we are close as we work together in another group + co-op projects... So yeah... which is why I am able to get along with her.. cause if you can't get along with her.. you are sort of screwed, as you can see from her message...

@Other Staff: Blah.. have fun reading what just erupted... Sorries, my fault for not realizing and confronting faze to sort things out before they got up to the climax...

Fazeshot once again showing his maturity

Oh she impresses me so much believe me actually she sounds like a geek bitch that needs some dickin'

Then he calls me a hypocrite for calling him a dumbfuck (which is not a name so much as it is the truth), and bans me from the forum (click here for a screenshot). My response to this is (click here for a screenshot)

that's okay, 'cause you know, banning me always gets rid of your problem and the counterargument.
at least i say this stuff to your FACE, not behind your back to SacredCultivator.
grow some balls, will you.

Then SacredCultivator makes the extremely mature and wise decision (with encouragement from Sukebei) to move back to the other forums and cut all ties with fazeshot and haku (click here for a screenshot)

Dear Staff,

In regards to the recent event that has occurred, Read Here, I along with a few other members feel it best if we just revert back to the Old Forums which is located Here.

I must apologize in advance for this Constant Moving back/forth... But it didn't occur to me that such an event would take place... So I think it best if we return to the old forums where we were accustomed to.

Although faze had great intentions for the Group in moving, it seemed that move hindered our group a little... And in the case of the recent event a dear member of ours has departed >< and she was quite an essential member to use, agrayrainbow shall be missed =`(

So what does this Move back mean? As some of you might not have realized, fazeshot/haku have been the Original Founders of what is now H!F. But due to how things went they both sort of were 'shielded-off' {I can't be held responsible for that due to the fat I am not a mind reader, so I don't know what is going on unless I am confronted, as in the case with agrayrinbow/gto, which was sorted out immediately when I heard word of it} Apart from that faze/haku took their 'leave' and when trying to contact faze for assistance, he acknowledges it but doesn't do so... It is his way of 'payback, ignoring'... I will not be cruel and post up our conversation we had via AIM, as I am sure you can all get the gist of things from the Thread I referred to in the beginning... The log between faze and I was only shared to 2 close Staff Members that I wanted to get their honest opinion as to what I should do. As those 1 was with me since the start and the other was slightly new but I trust that person.

In the end I feel it is best to go back to the 'past' but this time... Sadly.. I will have to relinquish both faze/haku from the group, as I don't want faze shedding $20 a month for the Server we are using when it wasn't necessary, and don't want them to feel like I am not acknowledging them as they won't be part of H!F anymore so they don't have that strain on them...

PS:
For those that are like WTF and all after the thread referred, and feel you might need to read the Conversation we had, do PM/email/IM me and I will show you...

So in light of these events I understand if the moving is a hassle and if you'd like to continue helping us our at H!F do make the switch on back, and if you just can't handle the mess and feel it best to leave I fully understand and thank you for your assistance in H!F.

I will now be active over at the Old Forums, so any Posts in regards to Projects can be made There, and any replies outside of Projects can still be made here if wanted. As i have already transferred most of which I think is now up-to-date at the old forums.

For the new Members that joined exclusively to this site, please Register at the forums I linked to and I will have you upped to Staff. {I will Email you as well}
Members:
TheProteosAgna
aimaime

LOL UPDATE 1
Fazeshot continues the bullshit, screenshot here

First of the only thing I said to sacred was you act like a fool and a dumbass when I was explaining to him something else. Trust me I would have no problem "saying stuff to your face" its the internet you dumb cunt I know you mistake it for real life because your such a fuckin fat geeky loserbitch but its okay like I said you'll get cock someday.. Until then choke on your own vomit.

Anyway off to study because you know.. some of us people that exist outside the internet have something called a life and don't spend 99% of their time staring at a blank forum and making little pretty Fansubs. GJ you can make karaoke! *clap* wheres that gonna get you in life

OMG I FOUND A PICTURE OF AMBER! Click

I think SacredCultivator is annoyed of this too (screenshot here)

@Faze: Emmm just gonna make my point..

'hypocrite' called Amber one and... you just showed hypocrisies by saying 'GJ you can make karaoke! *clap* wheres that gonna get you in life' ehhh then wtf you arguing about being 'left-out'?

We all have a life... Without it.. you'd be dead.. come on common sense tells you that... Right? It just depends on how BUSY one's life is... And Being BUSY with Fansubbing is still a Life...

I don't know why you make things worse...

Ignore my own hypocrisies here but it is to just make my point as you don't realize it..

Okay.. as you said, 'Anyway off to study because you know.. some of us people that exist outside the internet have something called a life and don't spend 99% of their time staring at a blank forum and making little pretty Fansubs.'
Really? Then why did you shed the extra minutes of your 'life' finding Ambers picture?
Blank forum.. get real... In the beginning I already KNEW our forums wouldn't be active in terms of the Public, we use the forums to discuss projects not for the Public per say, although that is a plus.

And to end it all... Requoting you, 'GJ you can make karaoke! *clap* wheres that gonna get you in life', then why the f' did you create H!F? Please... just because you are out of H!F now.. you show this side of yourself to make yourself look that much worse... And ouch.. How dare you say that about Fansubbing, alright now go to some well known Groups that sub and say that to them... I can just about Guarantee you that most of those Fansubbers have a much busier life than yours and still get by with fansubbing.

Heck again... If you have such a 'great/busy life' outside of the internet.. why do you bother Replying back?

One can go on and on about this and in the end no matter which way anyone sees it... In terms of argument... you have lost...
^You can argue back and forth, but heck as the Members see it, you really lost....

As sad as I am to say all this... ouch... Just ouch at what you made of this...

EDIT:
Deleted her.. oh nice... can't handle her arguing with you huh? Ouch yet again ><

Deciding not to fuel the flame, though he's a lulzcow it's getting old and he's running out of lulz saying the same thing over and over again (screenshot here)

I already have a boyfriend, love. Googling "geeky fat girl" won't find my picture, btw. ;D

"your such a fuckin fat geeky loserbitch but its okay like I said you'll get cock someday.. Until then choke on your own vomit."

Keep making yourself look like a fool, I'll just keep screenshotting all of your dumbass posts.

My original post obviously hit way too close to home for you, so you, like the script kiddie you are, upon finding out that you couldn't "leet hax" me, you fell back to trolling. Horrible trolling at that, trolling is supposed to inspire hatred and anger in your subject, and it just inspires my pity for you. I really do feel sorry for you, Internet Tough Guy, but until you close down these forums I will continue to respond to you in a mature way-- something you obviously are incapable of.

Also, deleting me is not going to work... closing your ears and singing "LA LA LA" and looking the other way isn't exactly the mature way to handle things either.

And this is relevant so I figured I'd throw it at the end: an empty threat (nothing has happened) by Fazeshot through PM (click here for a screenshot)

Hey cunt touch the forums again and me and the webmaster can ddos ur net into submission

Number one example of a bipolar's

Sat, 11 Aug 2007 12:00:00 -0500

NOTE!:
Most complaining in this post is based around my own selfishness and being jealous of FRIENDS and a VIDEO GAME.
I mean, seriously. Who gets jealous over a VIDEO GAME? not to mention FRIENDS?!

I'm not going to do a writing prompt today because I'd rather talk about my day for once.

I woke up around 1am to 2am..ish. Talked to Matt because today was going to be my day with him, we were gonna play Yahoo! Graffiti but we never did (we ended up playing other things and played Graffiti the day before). I tell him I want to play Gears, even though I had been waiting for Dale to get on I figure I waited enough and that we should go play.

I go to make a match and then Matt says someone else is joinable. He said I might not want to join it because it's Shep's game but I said "I don't fucking care", realizing that Dale was supposed to be over there I figured they were split screening or something. Little do I know, Dale's on another username. Without any sort of notice to me.

So obviously I'm getting really upset, not pissed, upset. On Escalation I said I wanted a sniper, and then the next round LinX took one..

I literally started crying..
..over a sniper getting ganked.

Yes, it might seem like that on the surface but there was so much happening at the moment that just pressed down on me. The compounding of:

Waiting for Dale only to see that he was in a game already and didn't even bother to tell me the username he'd be using much less send me an invite
Dale paying absolutely no mind to me (see NOTE at the top)
Not being able to win and I'm a poor loser (it's literally impossible with their laggy ass connection, not to mention that many hosts on one team)
Having a really bad day
Getting actived down all the time
LinX taking the sniper

All that just made me cry and actually feel like dying, like most every day anyway. So then I was fed up, so I left (the final move on me was me getting actived). Then they have the nerve to say I think she's mad and send me a message why'd you leave?.

I then went to go spend the rest of the night with Matt. Damn, was the rest of the night fun! He really made me forget about being upset, haha. First we played Command & Conquer 3, which I beat him at as I usually do, but he didn't complain or anything. We just talked most of the time and such. After playing C&C, we played Gears. This was the most fun part of the night.

We decided to go 1 on 1 after seeing that no one really wanted to join. I kept shooting his head off (we were sniping against each other) and then he said something like maybe I'm LETTING you win which caused me to start to let him win. XD

When I was trying to snipe Matt's head on the next match, we were talking about food and I said something like "I'll eat any meat as long as it has turkey on it!" I meant to say barbecue sauce. A second passed.. and then Matt said "What?" and then I started laughing SO HARD because I sniped his head but at the cost of looking really, really stupid. On this match though, we just messed around a lot until someone actually joined. His name was freakin' slicedogg. We had a conversation like this..

Matt: Who freakin' names their Xbox Live profile "slice dogg"?
Me: Apparently a lot of people, because he had to put numbers after it.

Laughter ensued. Then, on Gridlock, all sorts of people joined. The most notable being HOWHI (pronounced Howie), whom we kept joking was our best friend (we laughed at his name for SO long), Brian2893832 (then I made a joke about them being in a boy band together), and Man on Crack420 who proved that he was really on crack by being a shitty sniper and inevitably losing the round for us all the time. Next match, on Canals, we made a SUPER TEAM!:

HOWHI
Man on Crack420
winter twilight (me)
MobCityMANNG (Matt)

We were in private chat the entire time and I don't even think they had mics, but it was fun as hell. It was rather close too. We were up against two super evil guys with guests (one being MightyMouse-- by this time, we were joking how all the freaks come out at night). Whenever the guest would active me down, I'd just boot him haha. That round ended up being 7 to 7, until Man on Crack420 proved to be a valuable asset by winning it for us!

We were laughing 98% of the time and I laughed so hard I cried, and laughed so hard I snorted a few times. But after Canals I could tell Matt was getting drowsy and sure enough he said he wanted to go to bed, so I said goodbye and joined back to Shep's game.

Big mistake.

I got in a message-argument with Dale again, which started off with me APOLOGIZING, then taking the blame for any argument caused. I'd rather take the blame all the time than have an argument. I didn't talk a lot, I recall only talking 2 or 3 times, and that was to RuRaK or LinX (both of whom were definitely high). RuRaK said some pretty nice things about me so I was happy, but of course the connection was laggy and also I wanted to go Locust and they pushed Start before I could.. so I just left.

Mostly, a very mixed emotion night, but I think the good times outweighed the bad times. Just thinking back at it makes me laugh. I definitely gotta do this way more often.

Annoyances + Thankfulness

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 12:00:00 -0500

Annoyance #1: Dad awakens. Tells me he has to make a doctor's appointment for me, "just to check up". I am up in arms about the idea, screaming in a doctorphobia that there's "nothing wrong with me and I don't need a checkup". I tell him it's a waste of time and money, and he says it doesn't cost anything. I then complain that I'm afraid of the doctor and there's no reason to put me through something I loathe for no apparent reason. He understands.
Annoyance #2: Get on Computer, get on Skype to realize Dale has been on for awhile and he's just been playing Maple so he wasn't on AIM. That annoyed me because I wouldn't've gone and played Gears if I would've known he was online but it doesn't matter anyway because he went to go play Maple when I was online.
Annoyance #3: Finished a kickass graphic only to realize it doesn't work with my journal. Only have small despair because I didn't feel like color coding the CSS anyway. I'll try to find a layout that works with it later...
Annoyance #4: Another subbing group subbed Onna ni Sachi Are without karaoke within a day. This makes me mad because 1) they normally sub ANIME, 2) they suddenly decided they want to sub PVs, 3) they're taking away people that would normally download our releases. But whatevs. It's a really good song.. so whoever wants to sub it can. And may the best subbing group win.
Annoyance #5: If you know me at all, from 12+yrs I lived with my dad. That means, I went through puberty and such when I was with him. I never learned ANYTHING from him. I had to learn everything myself, including shaving my legs. Without saying much I guess everyone will know I'm pretty pisspoor at it. I did an especially horrid time tonight.
Annoyance #6: At first, Steve tried to say they can "only take Danny and me, or just me, not all three of us". For some reason, Tim changed his mind at the last minute. I know that will mean less going out to eat and shopping and stuff but I don't really care: it was fucked up that they wanted to take Danny and not Caleb, and I felt really really really sorry for him. I was so ecstatic when they said they'd take Caleb too.

Thankfulness #1: Video-thief-person's video taken from youtube! Then again, so was mine because AVEX are nazis, and I don't really feel like losing 300 favorites again so I'm trying not to hit "strike three".
Thankfulness #2: . It's such an interesting community and fun to read. It's like the best-of-craigslist only it's updated frequently every day.
Thankfulness #3: Japanese message boards which translate things. 'Cept for the fact that someone insulted me there.. o__o People are weird.
Thankfulness #4: Matt and Amanda who continue to be really good friends, Dale who continues to be a great boyfriend. I want to thank them so much for that.
Thankfulness #5: Onna ni Sachi Are is a great single, reaffirming my faith in the religion that is Tsunkuism. *prays* If he keeps putting out great singles I might have to buy one one of these days!
Thankfulness #6: Mostly everything is going great in my life right now..

I have nothing *truly* to complain about. And for that, I am blessed (by whom, I wonder, considering I'm an atheist?.. maybe Tsunku).

Proper Entry

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 12:00:00 -0500

Birthday
My birthday was kind of low key. I got a few very 'expensive' things. I got Clock Tower II for $20 on ebay (the first auction I've won!). I bought the Clock Tower II and Clock Tower 3 guides from someone on LiveJournal for $25. The Command & Conquer was bought for $40 on ebay. The Camera + Year of Live pack was from my dad, and he claims that's all I'm getting (which will probably be the cheapest birthday gift of all-- usually I get $150 from him but the pack was $80-- I'm not complaining though because he got me a 360 for no apparent reason). The shoes were $60 and were partially from Steve and partially from my Gramma. I want to thank all those people from the bottom of my heart because it's made my birthday a lot better. Also I got a cheesecake from my dad, unfortunately I didn't get a picture of that before it got ate but it was really great.. And I still have Ayumi Hamasaki's album "Duty" and single "A" coming in.

My gramma thinks Danny's in love with me
My gramma took me aside and told me that Danny was "staring at me like he loved me" and "being really cute to me" and etc. She said I should give him a chance. I told her no way. I already have someone, which I will talk about later. Upon telling her that my significant other lives 3 hours away, she said "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" which basically means I should go out with Danny just because he happens to be here. I thought that was ridiculous. The next day she said she took back what she said-- she says a really good friend is not worth jeopardizing. I couldn't agree more.

Amanda
Amanda is just.. Amanda. She kind of accidentally broke my Guitar Hero II, but she's going to replace it so I'm completely over it. If Amanda wasn't Amanda then I wouldn't like her so much. We were in a semi-argument but she broke it by sending me a birthday card and everything was great again. :]

Danny..lives at my house now?
Danny has been living at my house for the past two weeks. I certainly don't have a problem with it, it's fun to have someone to talk to, too. He has his own name on my xbox and plays occasionally but he plays the PS2 more often anyway. That brings me to my next category I suppose.

Gears of War
Gears has been.. hectic lately. Maybe I should separate this into different categories.

Hosting: Hosting has been.. different. I've been kicking people so much that my reputation went from 5 stars to 4, and I've gotten really quick with it. I've been kicking those who active reload with the sniper because I think it's cheap. People seem to hate me for it, and it seems that drama gets easily started up over it.

Drama: So much drama has gone on. I've lost most of my friends list because of my fault or their fault.

Dale was complaining about Moaozis complaining and when I bitched at Moaozis he dared call me a bitch. He was muted and hasn't been in my games since.
Rurak was muted because he was annoying when high but I unmuted him the next day. He's probably one of my favorite Gears friends and him writing "unmute me" on the ground with the lancer was just too awesome.
Manng was muted for a day because when my xbox froze he went to host his own game. It really pissed me off at the time but now I'm just like whatevs. Haha.
Poem got muted for shouting "OMGZ HOST!" and hasn't been unmuted yet. He was really sarcastic about it and he was one of the people that was talking behind my back about me, so he can go fuck himself.
Jesus has been muted for quite some time but I also hear that he's talking about me behind my back so whatever slim chance he had of being unmuted is now gone.

Dale
Yes, he warrants an entire category for himself. Why? Because he's the closest person to me right now (and always will be), not to mention he's my boyfriend in every meaning of the word. It's been kept fairly low key though because I think he's afraid of people giving him a hard time about the long distance relationship thing (though I wouldn't consider a few hours away to be exactly long distance). I've been trying really hard to convince him to get a cam and he said he would as soon as he got a ride to to the store. Unfortunately there have been a lot of things that have prevented him from getting one thus far but that's okay, I'm patient. Rurak went onto Dale's team to say something along the lines of "Dood, I think Amber likes you!!" a few days ago and he told me that.. we both laughed, because we've had a thing for awhile I guess. My entire life right now revolves around him, from getting up to falling asleep-- and I think his life is revolved around me too. And I have absolutely no problem with that.

Anyway, it's been a long freakin' few weeks as you can tell. If you have any more questions about these things, just ask me. If you're reading this it's most likely that you know how to contact me. :]

On The Weekend

Sat, 09 Jun 2007 12:00:00 -0500

I went over to Gramma's on Thursday because Steve was over there and I hadn't seen gramma in awhile. I told Dale in AIM that I wouldn't be back until Friday, but he seemed to ignore that and still ask Amanda where I was. That's okay though, because apparently I said I'll probably be back on Friday and he took that as I went over to Amanda's or something. I must've neglected to say I was going to my gramma's. Oops.

Anyway, when I went over to my Gramma's, she told me not to bother to take a shower and to hurry up because we were gonna go to Pirates of the Caribbean 3. But I hurried up and got back and it seems as if she didn't wanna go at that time. I setup my xbox 360 downstairs and went upstairs. She bought a SNES and like 40 games, so I looked through them and found one I liked: Tetris. I played Tetris for what seems like ages while waiting for Steve to get back. He had gone to my aunt's to help put something on the roof, some sort of white material. He slipped and fell in it and got it all over him, and after that he quit and came home. Following that we played a few Guitar Hero II songs along with Zach and then we went to POTC:3. Zach threw a fit in the theater and said he would rather play video games, but Roger forced him to come along anyway. Apparently there was something after the credits but it was retarded anyway, so I felt like I wasted 10 minutes watching the credits. Oh well. The rest of the night was pretty uneventful.

The next day, I was woken up by Zach's pet rabbit in my face licking it. Zach brought his pet rabbit (actually, the school's pet rabbit) home for the summer and was basically abusing it. Everyone felt sorry for it. Anyway I was woken up by it, and bribed Zach to leave me alone by telling him he could play Guitar Hero II. I got up anyway and went upstairs to do basically nothing. I kept playing Steve at Tetris but he couldn't seem to beat my score (because I'm awesome at it). Later that day, we went out to eat with two lesbians o_o. I couldn't tell they were lesbians until it dawned on me when one of them said they played football. I was like, "Oooh...". But the place we ate at was pretty fancy, and I had steak, but I felt like a jackass asking for steak sauce. The bathrooms were weird, they had saloon like doors and I didn't feel like I was covered when I was using it. After that we went home and played a little Monopoly, in which Steve was probably the funniest guy in the world, nearly giving my gramma a heart attack from laughing so hard. My gramma asked me if I wanted to go to Wisconsin Dells for a week, or have $100, and I decided that I'd rather have $100 so she put it in my paypal account. I felt like a jackass there too because she probably wanted us all to have a trip before she died or something, but I still would rather have $100. We also watched some 80s music videos and gramma told us a funny story. She said that she thought she knew that song "Take on Me" when my mom was younger, and so she belted out loudly "COMEEE ON MEEE!" and my mom was like "WHAT ARE YOU SINGING!?". Gramma specifically told me not to write about it in my blog. That's why I am. Heeee.

The next day, I was woken up by Roger saying my dad had "something important to tell me about" and I freaked out, naturally thinking he was sick or hurt or something. I called him back and he said he didn't say anything like that, so I got pissed off at Roger for lying to me to get up. Gramma said I was the one who got up the quickest but that's because I thought my damn dad was hurt, which is an evil and mean way to get someone up. Anyway we ate breakfast and then I came home after that. That's basically all that happened.

When I came back, there was Mad Magazine on my seat and a lot of stuff on my computer, like some genki beam stuff in my email and I had to play Ragnarok with Dale so I had too much to do and was overwhelmed at first. That's what I get for leaving those things alone for like, 2 days.. -___-;

My current favorite lineup of Morning Musume members

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 12:00:00 -0500

First being Takahashi because she will always be my number one. But.. numbers 2, 3, and 4 should all be tied for number 2 because I basically like them all the same. I'm pretty neutral on Niigaki and I hate Tanaka and Michishige so those were obviously the last ones, I just had to decide who I hated more. Lmao.

GAM has a new album?!

Wed, 23 May 2007 12:00:00 -0500

Wow, that shows you how much I've been paying attention to H!P. GAM came out with an album today, called "Amai Yuuwaku" which means "Sweet Temptation". I've only listened to a few songs but they've mostly been really catchy! There's a really pretty remix of "Thanks!" which takes it to a more calm feeling (as the original Thanks! was pretty upbeat). It seems as if this version has new vocals too. I don't think it's as good as the original, as good as this composition is, it's really hard to beat the original Thanks!

Most of the album has normal H!P-like music: upbeat with strong beats. I'll review it someday on my reviews site but for now I'll just complain about how I didn't listen to it earlier. Also, Viyuden came out with Koisuru Heart Angel today, but I haven't gotten around to listening to that yet..

(Also, I downloaded and installed RO.. haha. I won't be playing it much most likely.)

Xbox 360 Repair: The Battle Begins...

Sat, 12 May 2007 12:00:00 -0500

I bought Guitar Hero II on Friday and started to play.. hm.. it glitched a little (went to a black screen when I was playing one of the songs) and caused me to fail. No biggie, I just went back and retried to do that song.. It's fine to glitch up once in awhile.

... but when you ruin my Gears of War, you're bound to get smashed and thrown off the balcony.

Yes, somehow this game decided to corrupt my Gears of War too. What did I do to deserve that? Played a different game? This console is not but a few weeks old. I fully intend to take it back to Best Buy.. since I believe it is still in the 30-day warranty. Apparently I have a Microsoft warranty until 2008 April, but I don't intend to mess with them until the last resort, considering all the horror stories I've heard about them (not to mention just taking it in and exchanging it gives me instant gratification). Buuut, I'll have to redownload the following things:

- Both Gears of War map packs
- Boom Boom Rocket
- Joust
- My Gears theme
- Updates for my game

It would cost me 1600 MP ($20) to have to buy these again, not to mention just because they're tied to my gamertag I will have to play them only when I'm online.

Thanks Microsoft. 3% failure rate my ASS.

edit: I just checked, I got my Xbox 360 on April 22, 2007. So.. it's been literally 21 days since I got it. They'd damned well BETTER give me a new one. I'll have to remember to bring the controller and microphone because they'll probably want that too.. in fact I'll most likely just bring everything home and hope that it works after not being played for a day or so..

edit2: I called Best Buy and literally someone said in one breath "What you need to do is bring it into the store so we can inspect it okay bye". Greeeat customer support, Best Buy. All I can hope is that they fix it or I get a new one.

stuck in my head

Fri, 26 Jul 2002 12:00:00 -0500

Time: 8:39 pm.
hey you know off ddr konamix, that song "gimme-your-love by divas"? I have it in my head
yeah went over to moms. had steak and bought blue fuzzy slippys! ^_^ I like the slippys the best.
new layout! HEHEHEHEHE!

COME VISIT MY NEW PAGES!!!!:
my charrie bios
My icon page - icons I've made
Angela sucks. - angela sucks.: Dedicated to my friend, because my friend has trouble with a girl named Angela. Full story there.
My drawings page (request a drawing by emailing me: lynnmaxweil@aol.com) - self explainitory
Character page.. join today! Please! I need members.. - my character page: making a story. COME JOIN COME JOIN COME JOIN AND I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!!!

Thats it for now.

Time: 9:46 am.
Beautiful song callled: Si Il Mio Amer Sta Vincino

If I were how everyone says I am
Then how cruel is God
Who has given me life

Believe me
I'm just a pitiful woman
Who's merely thinking of the man she loves

No
Even if no one believes me
If my beloved is by my side
I would gladly accept any punishment
Please, God
Hear the prayers of this poor woman

Pretty, isn't it? If someone would tell me the code to put music in the background of my lj, I would make it that..

Time: 8:33 am.
from xreflex commented in weamnotpsycho: "this comment has nothing to do with the community, but i'd just like to say thta lulu_mcbrea has THE creepiest icon i've seen. it's almost as scary as well. . .i dunno. . .it's late and i'm tired. yay! hurray for meaningles comments!"

crap It says "Stick with nick, we're having techincal difficulties" and it has spongebobs music playing. THIS IS SCARING ME! Okay its back on now.
Sandys rocket.
Yay.

I'm up at 8:00 am on the computer. Why am I up at 8 am on the computer? Am I nuts?

And someone tell me how to puts music in the background of my journal, its killing me.
Thats it.
Takin icon requests if anyone wants one; no animations.
Awesome.