Raven on needing.space

quit my job finally

Tue, 22 Jul 2025 12:00:00 -0500

after dealing with an abusive narcissist for several years, I finally quit my job. yay me :) I would go into more detail, but I think some details are better left forgotten in time. all that matters is that I finally had the courage to do it and am super proud of myself for finally doing so.

raven says I should take the week off and not do any job hunting or chores or anything, but I don't even know how that is possible. like, I was already getting bored today and finally figured out how to use the auto clean function on the oven. i will do my best to try and chill for once in my life though.

health-mental kept auto correcting to my typo from earlier and annoyed the shit out of me but I fixed it. it's 2025, why is shit like this still happening.

cosplay generic guy visiting yosemite

Fri, 02 May 2025 12:00:00 -0500

“Yosemite”

The mood this morning was kind of weird. We knew we wouldn’t be coming back to Cortney’s house, and that had some finality? to it. even though we decided we will come back every xmas. Still… Thankfully i remembered about the lemons. Cortney also gave us some of her honey. i want to make baklava when we get back. Seems fitting…

we left the house around 10 knowing full well we would be slower than them haha. we were going to stop @ target but there was a mixup, so we went to popeyes instead, and i paid $5 a gallon for gas for the first time in my life haha

Just A Couple More Seconds

Fri, 25 Apr 2025 12:00:00 -0500

Raven,

We are on vacation right now. I bought this journal in hopes of archiving our life. Pictures are great, but I want to describe my emotions as well. And what better way than this?

I don’t know if we will give you this when we are done. Maybe we will keep it forever to ourselves. But knowing that I am not just tossing words into the void is a good incentive.

No Adopting, We'll See

Mon, 18 Jul 2022 12:00:00 -0500

We took Evil and Toni to the vet today. They behaved really well, but we got annoyed because they needlessly scruffed Evil. We will tell them next time not to do that.

Other than that, not much happened. We scheduled to go to the Houston Cat Cafe this weekend. I think that will be really fun. They also allow you to adopt them. Raven said no adopting, and I said, “We’ll see” ahaha.

fewer nightmares and way fewer mistakes

Tue, 05 Jul 2022 12:00:00 -0500

had a hell of a day. couldn’t sleep all last night and when i did sleep it was just trauma nightmares.

plus i screwed up @ work, i don’t even know why they keep me w/how much i screw up. i feel bad and especially embarrassed because it’s my boss that keeps catching it, like… ugh.

talking to Raven helped a lot though. she helped a lot today. she put away the groceries and took care of the animals while i took a nap. i don’t deserve to be treated so kindly, but you don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

finally get fridge food

Sun, 20 Oct 2019 12:00:00 -0500

today i am grateful for toni having a backyard… i am also grateful for our new fridge…

today toni hurt her leg and was so dramatic about it… it was funny.

today we went to heb the first time since we got our fridge… it feels good to finally get fridge food… we got a big tub of ice cream haha… even with all we bought it barely fills it up…

Everything Turned Out Fine

Mon, 14 Oct 2019 12:00:00 -0500

Everything turned out fine. Better than fine, actually. We aren’t overeating or over spending anymore! And we are really happy in general. This is probably the best we have ever felt.

I ate so much today! I’m so full

Before Wellbutrin that wouldn’t have made me full, but here we are.

Overall life is going great. And this Friday we will actually be caught up on bills. I am super excited!

I Am Tired

Mon, 04 Jul 2016 12:00:00 -0500

I don’t know if I stand for anything now. I don’t know if I ever did. I don’t know anything any more.

I am tired of being evaluated, scrutinized, by people who don’t know me. I am tired of the friends whom have fallen by the wayside… those who claim to know me… showing they know me less than strangers, even.

I am tired of ignorance, proliferated by a desire to understand, but a lack of willingness to shut up and listen. “Willful ignorance” counts as such even if it isn’t active.

Things Are Great

Sat, 21 May 2016 12:00:00 -0500

It’s so hard to keep this stupid thing updated.

There was a new girl hired at work. Not sure how I feel. She seems very stuck up and inappropriately know-it-all even on the first week, so glad I am not having to deal with her.

Also, consequently, I’ve been having my hours cut. It’s that or help the downstairs lab. And I will help them over my dead body. Eric is horrible. The lot of them are horrible.

Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind

Tue, 10 May 2016 12:00:00 -0500

It’s been months since an update and I think that is because this has been shoved in a drawer. Out of sight, out of mind.

News:

Got a job 02/12/2016
Moving soon
Closer to Raven than ever (I think I’m in love?)
Bought several items (New phone, xbone, etc)

That’s about it. Emotionally, of course, there are new things to report. I can’t really remember them all, though. A few days ago was Mother’s Day which is always hard, but harder this year… Ended up finally doing the 24 hrs voice call with Raven though. Feeling pretty accomplished about that, honestly.

Sleep Schedule Is Fucked Again

Tue, 02 Feb 2016 11:00:00 -0600

Finally got a chance to catch up with Raven last night over voice chat. It was a bit shorter than usual- around 6 hrs- because the body started to fall to sleep, but that isn’t unusual by any means.

She’s not doing great, but what can be expected? Things have been incredibly hard on us both.

In other news, sleep schedule is fucked again. It was okay for a week but proved to not be totally fixed- went to bed around 9am and woke around 6pm. Which is going to be a problem with the spouse working 6am - 6pm for a few weeks. Truly, the only recourse is to stay up a long time and try to fix it.

My Patience Is At Negative Levels

Mon, 01 Feb 2016 11:00:00 -0600

If everyone could stop fucking up externally and making everything so difficult in the system, that would be wonderful. Had to skip therapy due to a system meltdown largely caused by the spouse having a meltdown due to keys being lost.

My patience is at negative levels right now! I don’t even know how to put these into words.

I got Raven a Valentine’s Day present. Turns out her absence was half to do with a Skype issue. Which honestly leaves me quite relieved I know she has trouble expressing her feelings through words, but the fact that she has been going out of her way to check on me once the Skype situation was resolved tells me that she does care.

4 Days Seems Like A Century

Sun, 31 Jan 2016 11:00:00 -0600

Is it inherently co-dependent to miss a friend? Raven hasn’t been around for around 4 days now. My mood has gotten worse and worse. It may also have something to do with the fact that we’ve not been eating properly, but.

I promised her and myself that I wouldn’t become co-dependent. On Wednesday, I even told her specifically that I would understand if she wasn’t around for a few days. But I’m starting to realize what a huge hole is left when she is not around. Days melt into each other and seem wholly useless, and I am left with too many system issues and personal issues left unshared, and I feel repressed and disgusted.

Gift Holidays Are Awkward

Tue, 05 Jan 2016 11:00:00 -0600

The spouse got a new job. They have to wait for the drug test to be processed, so it may take a few days to fully see exactly the details. It is full time at the very least, which takes away plenty of the financial worries that were abound.

The only real worry now is that there will most likely be a gap in paycheck due to the new job holding back a week. And right when we need it too starting therapy and Best Friend Birthday at the end of the month.