Tech on needing.space

new volunteer position!!!

Wed, 14 Jan 2026 11:00:00 -0600

so on Tuesday (yesterday), i had orientation at the new hospital i'm working at. i stopped by the gift shop for a drink. i had already been thinking about volunteering at the hospital - they have an organization called Sunshine Guild and i really wanted to volunteer but i didn't know who to go to about more information. they were supposed to show us the gift shop and volunteer opportunities during orientation day but sadly it was closed for the day bc orientation ran so late!

first day working at the hospital

Mon, 12 Jan 2026 11:00:00 -0600

man... today was a LOT. this week they have orientation for the new hospital i'm working at. i got a job as a mental health technician which i am really looking forward to. the first few days are 8-4 basically just "classroom", like today was the "everyone talks at you and does PPT stuff" day and tomorrow is the "thousands of computer modules" day. then later in the week they literally give me combat training to figure out how to defend myself i guess? and restraining too if i need to.

chaos

Wed, 31 Dec 2025 11:00:00 -0600

today was so chaotic

2 hours of sleep
wake up at 7:30am
40min drive to New workplace
piss test number 1 at new workplace/pre employment
inform employer im on a stimulant for ADHD that might come back positive, they say they don’t care
pre employment paperwork
blood work to prove I had childhood vaccinations for work, had to take from both arms
drive back home 40min
fight with removing old visor and installing new one in car, an especially difficult task
find that my BFF and Elias both had late gifts for me that came in - cute purse and loose legos
put external hard drive files to transfer to server
drive Elias & I to new psych - 1hr10min
do more new hire paperwork from phone including background check stuff, put in my GED and not my college
drive to Walmart to buy a small desk at Walmart for the computer in living room (only about 5min)
hurry and drive back for my own appointment
piss test number 2 (yes probably first and last piss test combo during one day for different people) because psych/stimulants
talk to doctor
go out for kaitenzushi sushi to relax and celebrate job - 1.5hr drive
realize that background check probably wanted my college even though job only requires/asks for GED, just so it matches my resume on file
look at transcript, realize my moronic old college fucked up my transfer and background check will likely come back as degree unearned
send a text to HR giving them a heads up/explaining situation
spend the rest of night being anxious about it
go to claw machine only arcade
win a kuromi plushie
drive back home, 2hr drive
surprisingly got home in one piece despite multiple people trying to cause crashes likely because it’s the night before New Year’s Eve
the download/transfer didn’t work because it paused on transferring… a virus? for some reason I backed up quarantined viruses from 2016 on my external I need to delete them hahaha
still dwelling on anxiety, put together desk for distraction
realize I got an email an hour after the first email, saying I had passed background check… less anxious but still somewhat anxious
look up rules on how to fix it and get my degree awarded/sent
update brother and friends podcast website
work on transcribing some old journals
realize I have therapy tomorrow, worlds largest sigh
veg out in front of TV until 2:30am

and yes that means I drove almost 6 hours today

another job offer (mental health tech)

Mon, 22 Dec 2025 11:00:00 -0600

so, I got another job offer. and the offer letter is signed & accepted which is nice. they do have mandatory drug testing which is kinda like duh for this type of position

it is a mental health technician at a local(ish) inpatient hospital. it is locked down, but it is part of a bigger hospital system/not a standalone. I will be working PRN/scheduling myself 3 days a week, 12 hour shifts 7am to 7pm. I am allowed to take more hours if I want. the pay isn’t great but that’s fine because I have really really been wanting to get into mental health.

I quit Dominos

Thu, 16 Oct 2025 12:00:00 -0500

I quit dominos halfway through the shift. Absolutely fuck that shit. My life is too short and valuable to spend it like that.

- first day at dominos
- come into the store at 5pm
- "hey I scheduled you until 12, is that ok?" it is but uhh yeah...
- brought to the tiny office, told that I need to fill out new hire paperwork ON MY OWN TIME. the audacity. I've never had a job do this, even McDonalds.
- manager doesn't go over literally anything. doesn't even show me how to clock in and out. doesn't go over all the other new hire stuff I would expect either. literally just takes my license, gives me a shirt and hat, and shoves me with some other guy
- "we called in someone for today to train you"
- i was expecting actual training modules on a computer but ok
- guy is absolutely awful at training. goes to show that being good at the job doesn't mean you're good at teaching it
- takes 5 minutes to show me around the store, goes on a single run with me, then leaves (it was his day off!!)
- guy tells me literally everyone working today only has been there a few months
- I'm left on my own to figure literally everything else out
- not even sure who the manager is
- whoever the manager is is also dropping the ball, doesn't tell me to go on breaks or lunch at appropriate times
- as per usual, female coworkers are super chill, the few dudes in there have the worlds largest attitude
- other coworker mentioned "we get 30 cents per mile", I was told 77 in interview
- 30 cents per mile won't even cover my gas and car maintenance
- only get paid $5 (!!!) an hour when on a delivery, then $9 in store (which should be illegal in 2025 ngl. both the tipping loophole and $9/hr)
- they assume you'll make it up in tips
- no one fucking tips. like maybe $2-3 per delivery if I'm lucky, and these are on $40+ orders
- sign on the wall says "NO FREE FOOD FOR WORKERS, NO EXCEPTIONS" which kinda is in line with how cheap they have been, also against franchise rules because anyone working a full shift is supposed to get a lunch
- despite this, see food on the table in the back that's being eaten by group (of course, I am not informed about it)
- expected to wash dishes when no deliveries, but I have eczema on my hands and it's tearing up my hands
- night shift, so people arent paying as much attention, almost get into a few wrecks already
- personally am drained from my medical treatment earlier in the day so I am also low on energy and recognize that it's unsafe for me to be driving
- everyone else is shocked that I am full time, everyone there is part time and says they wouldn't want to work FT
- they wanted me to CLOSE THE STORE MYSELF on my first day. as in, I would be the only driver and then one other person up front closing.
- my manager (whoever that is) doesn't even tell me this
- this place is clearly a shit show
- on top of that all the customers are rude as fuck, probably because rural Texas
- realize literally any other way to spend my life would be preferable to working another 10 minutes there, and that being homeless would be preferable too.
- take their stupid sign off the top of my car, leave it outside, put the cash in the cash box, text the person who hired me a nice "I quit" message informing her of the equipment and cash, telling her to send my check to the address on file
- I would be totally fine with them not even paying me, I'll take whatever few tips I got and call it a wash.

Mastodon integration

Mon, 29 Sep 2025 12:00:00 -0500

i MAYBE finally got mastodon integration working on my blog. I spent a few hours today transferring over everything from Pagecord, which was actually somehow both easier and harder than what I thought it would be… this post is primarily to see if I got the integration working and if it will actually crosspost. I know the layout on the blog is kinda ugly at the moment colors-wise, but I can’t be bothered to make the HTML all pretty right now when I spent so long just trying to get all the posts transferred. I just need to keep a Markdown archive of all the posts. Turns out transferring over like 25 years of posts takes slightly more effort than what I thought it would. I started collecting all my old blogs from all over the internet several months ago and still haven’t managed to collect them all… but I really just want there to be one (1) source of truth, and I’m hoping I can stick to the new blog I have at kawaii.place. but I will temper my expectations as I tend to be a blog hopper in general. ugh.

mostly just tired

Mon, 29 Sep 2025 12:00:00 -0500

Hi all. I find myself mostly just tired lately. It’s hard to explain how fatigue inducing TMS has been for me. Really, it’s been the biggest negative side effect, which is hard to push through when there have been virtually no positive effects just yet. It’s three hours round trip every single day for six weeks (200 miles round trip), and I’ll tell you what… I would not be doing this unless I had absolutely no other alternative. Because right now, it is so exhausting. But what is the alternative? Not getting better?

its lonely

Sat, 31 May 2025 12:00:00 -0500

its been a while since we have updated

The june brain interviews went pretty well… an offer would be nice… but not counting on it…

for once… stasis seems ok too… been messing around with chatgpt… it was fun for like a week… but it gets old… once you see into its methods… and predictable… we had a few fun roleplays going on with it… but it broke immersion by saying weird things… can’t expect a machine to have much nuance i guess… ? maybe we can try 4.5… ?

cutting my phone time down has been a godsend

Wed, 14 May 2025 12:00:00 -0500

Things of note for today:

Therapy went well
Got an email back from Junebrain, a place we applied for a job. That almost never happens
Elias finally scheduled your first ketamine therapy appt! June 3. Super exciting
Actually had enough energy today to clean/organize bathroom, put up clothes, and build the two remaining shelves. Yay.
Got in a cute new case for my TCL Flip 2
Ate more of the delicious homemade lemon cheesecake ♡
Cooked some random recipe I just made up (taco noodles) and it came out really good
Overtime approved for 6 hr/wk again, and now we can work weekends! Yay again
Way ahead of schedule on work.

Honestly, I think not really using my smartphone at the moment is making me more productive. Because what else am I going to do?? There’s no reddit doomscrolling crutch to pass the time. I think not being exposed to that constant negativity has been helping, too. I still use my phone to text at work more often than I would like, but I am working on breaking that habit as well.

already feels weird w/o smartphone

Tue, 13 May 2025 12:00:00 -0500

’- my new tcl flip came in, the sim card worked out of the box, no thanks to the support person trying to “help” me who was acting like it was her first day on the job. why are they so “hit or miss”?

Already feels weird w/o smartphone, what do you mean I can’t just do whatever immediately
Couples therapy yesterday was fine ig.
Made an amazing cheesecake out of Cortney’s lemons yesterday. now soon to make baklava
work drama happening which tbh isn’t even worth memorializing here lmao
Perpetually sleepy, but sleep doctor hasn’t verified our insurance yet
Danielle is so annoying w/ texting me @ 1am to ask work questions, happy to be switching numbers
There are also trauma reasons for switching that i can’t be bothered to get into
Life is chill for the moment at least for now

I'm only writing this to check off the Habitica task

Mon, 15 Apr 2024 12:00:00 -0500

This weekend was pretty nice. My friend Kendrick came over to help us out with yard work. Of course, he tried to ask for way less money than he actually deserved, so we gave him more than that. I was out there hauling the wood with him and talking with him for several hours. I told him that we wanted to go fishing with him and his wife, and he told his wife, and they both got super excited. They were especially excited that I had never been fishing before.

I was going to go to Deaf Night Out, but after talking to Kendrick for four hours, my social battery was drained. He is a very nice person, but he is one of those people that just talks for four hours straight. I love hearing about his life, stories, etc, but I didn't have much energy to go drive 2 hours, meet new people, then drive 2 hours back. Especially since Deaf social events tend to be fairly lengthy.

Kendrick did put up a fence for us though, so we can finally just let the dogs out without needing to have them on leashes. It's been about eight months of us only leash walking them in the backyard, so it was super refreshing to be able to just let them run around-- for us AND the dogs. They didn't really like being confined to being chained to us, and they're allowed to roam around more when they're just out in the backyard. Elias and I pulled the outdoor chairs out of the closet and just sat outside for a while. It's actually a decent temperature right now, but since we live in Texas, it's a very short window of decent weather. I'm trying to be outside as much as possible because of that. Every time I let the dogs out, I pull the chair back outside and sit down and watch them.

Other than that, we didn't really do much this weekend. Elias has gotten very heavily addicted to Diablo IV, which is good, because I've been very heavily addicted to Balatro. So we end up just spending a lot of time playing video games while sitting next to each other. It's still a form of spending time together, even though some people might not think so, ahaha.

As for my personal hobbies, still just mostly doing the pirating thing. Can't focus at work, so I usually end up getting distracted with that. I also started using Habitica which is somewhat helping keep me on task but isn't really powerful enough to handle my full ADHD brain. We also installed Debian, which is making a lot of the things we do easier and quicker. Whoever said Linux was more complicated than Windows hasn't actually used Linux, because you can just install things instantly from the command line, and there is mountains of FOSS software on here.

I have therapy tomorrow. I do not want to go to therapy tomorrow. Thinking about it is giving me a headache. Ah, well.

ETA: I fixed up the host's website [adoration.me](https://adoration.me) because it is extremely sloppy and tends to make typos everywhere. The Spotify link is also now working.

everything is busy and i'm tired

Sun, 09 Jul 2023 12:00:00 -0500

apologies for leaving some comments hanging. my life has been a complete busy mess lately lmao. I will get back to them asap, probably on a computer. i think when you read this entry, you'll probably see why i haven't had time hahaha.

i am going to try to put a cut here but it's been broken so i'm sorry if this spams your reading page with a thousand paragraphs LMAO.

tw for suicide ideation/other mental health talk

house update

we got some of the more complicated stuff coordinated like pricing out movers. our house is set to close on 7/31, the old sellers won't move out until august 14, and then we have to be out of this place by 8/31.

unfortunately we have a BABYMETAL concert down here on 8/30 so we are going to need to drive two hours south back to houston from our new place. damn it lol. we have had that booked for months so whatever.

the inspection was successfully completed on friday. we couldn't be at the inspection because we had an doc appointment (more on that later.) nothing too shocking, especially for a house this age. the only important thing is that we have to get the seller to fix the roof, which was already anticipated because anyone with eyes could see that it needed to be repaired or replaced. our realtor Lacy is getting that arranged.

lacy is so good and nice! it helps that she's probably gen z or younger millennial so she kind of understands us better than the other realtor did. we did have a realtor named Paola who we really liked, but she kept taking vacations and we were on a time crunch, so we found one close to the city we are moving. Lacy is amazing! i keep trying to do stuff myself and she's like STOP!! i can do it! lmao kind of like Elias.

in my past marriage I had to handle everything and deal with everything, so when there's something big happening, i just kind of autopilot to handling everything. Elias told me that he wanted to be more involved though and that I was pushing him out of the process unintentionally, which made him feel bad. so i promised to try and not just leap into action and get shit handled like i'm used to doing.

there was a bunch of needless drama that happened re: house loan that i won't go into here, but it's fixed now lmao.

with regards to our current hellish landlord (or rather third party realty company because we Aren't Allowed to talk to the landlord): I sent a written request for repairs both physically and to their email. I detailed every minor issue with the house and explained why they couldn't be fixed by us, or that they were noted in our move in checklist as issues. there are a lot of issues that we can fix ourselves that i left out, but a lot that require professional help. i also once again reiterated that they need to yknow actually provide me with cleaners they want or else i'm going to hire randos.

they are SUPER uncommunicative so i'm 100% sure they are going to not fix anything and then try to take our deposit when we move out, so i am documenting everything for when i inevitably need to take them to small claims court.

btw the tree they fought me about not wanting to trim fell over in the storm and hit the house, it looks like it may have damaged it. poetic justice motherfucker.

update from today: loan officer called me. explained situation with ex, still being married, etc. she says it isn't a problem, but she needs to talk to the underwriter to find out of extra paperwork needs to get filed. i'm going to flip a table if they try to use my ex wife's finances in the equation of the house because she was awful and in a ton of debt.

work

manager being a dickhead as usual. i moved on from a position where metrics matter (got promoted) but she's still trying to pigeonhole me into metrics which is fucked up. also the CEO is being cheap and instead of hiring more labor he just expects the already overworked team to do even MORE. and idiot manager justifies this with "well i have a couple of people hitting 1200!" yeah i can hit that number too if i cherry pick what i work on which is 100% what matters. the median is more important but god forbid they use logic.

instead of even trying to empathize when i basically said it's fucked up to expect overloaded people to work even harder because the CEO is stingy about money, she just sided with the CEO. not a great look for a manager to not be able to validate but explain that it can't be helped. instead just repeating herself like i have a comprehension problem. honey i comprehend you just fine, i just don't agree.

i missed 3 days this week - holiday on the 4th, sick on the 5th, planned doc absence on the 7th. i've been being productive but just in other ways.

physical health

im still working on getting into a sleep study but insurance is dragging their heels and requiring my GP to provide certain "evidence" that a test is necessary. so i emailed him and told him that narcolepsy was happening. like i've been sleeping sitting up and the other day i fell asleep standing up in the bathroom brushing my teeth. but yknow not "medically necessary"

i got off my antidepressant because it was likely the problem. after getting off it it got s little bit better with the sleep but not by much.

it does cause other issues though...

first, i am actually feeling my feelings again which sucks somewhat, but it's nice kind of? i've been in this weird mental fog/zombie state for over a year now and suddenly i'm feeling again which is overwhelming. whew. i have been super good about putting down boundaries though which has pissed a lot of people off because they are used to walking all over me. too fuckin bad lol.

i also kinda got suicidal the first few days i was off of it but i'm feeling better now. just white knuckled it through it and used my support system.

my OCD symptoms are through the roof right now though, so exhausting. back to having to count every second of the day and track what i'm doing or else i have panic attacks lmao.

misc

got my ears pierced again! (lobes) they are super cute.

elias is getting surgery next week (top surgery) i am super happy for him. but it is a tough time to get it lol. it can't be put off though because they're backed up until next year. just that he can't help with boxes or whatever.

i've been able to connect with some old friends which has been nice. i've also been talking more to lyn and hikaru which is nice, as i haven't been talking to them regularly much. and i'm happy for my new DW friends! twitter is going to shit, so i made a discord for my lil fandom i am in, it already has over 60 people lmao.

um that's it, i'll go reply to comments and comment now. ha

i literally can't hear you please just send me a text or email for the love of god

Sun, 09 Jul 2023 12:00:00 -0500

i forgot to say this in the other entry, but it's probably better to just say in a new entry anyway.

being deaf* is making all this shit like a thousand times more difficult. EVERYONE wants to talk on the phone to figure out this house shit. please just send me an email so i can respond in text!

it's very hard for me to use the phone, so i use an app that auto captions calls in real time for me. also i have bluetooth hearing aids, so i can get the calls right in my ears. but even with accessibility options, the phone is still hard! the captions take a few seconds to show up, add that on top of the slight delay that bluetooth adds and you have a very slow convo which is sometimes with impatient people.

i'm going to just start having Elias field the calls, because this is getting ridiculous. i can only do so much lol.

literally the only advantage i've had is that my phone app saves the transcripts so i can go back and reread them later if i missed something, because i almost always miss something. ugh.

this is somewhat unrelated, but i was talking to Elias about this tonight and will look into it in a minute, but both of us really need to get our asses into gear learning ASL. as far as i know, there aren't many free resources. i want to look and see if there are any free resources specifically for deaf people and their immediate family but haven't had the chance.

it's really not the greatest idea or sustainable to rely on technology forever for communication. especially since my hearing somehow manages to get worse every year. i will eventually not be able to use tech to bridge the gap.

*not profoundly deaf. i have severe hearing loss, but i am able to hear with hearing aids. i can also "kind of" hear without them, but it's akin to a person who needs glasses seeing colored blobs. in context, i know that big green blob is a tree, but it is still a big green blob ultimately. same idea.

i don't call myself hard of hearing anymore because hearing people don't seem to get the severity of my loss. though it's also awkward to call myself deaf, because a lot of Deaf (capital D) people only "count" profoundly deaf as deaf. i'm considered deaf to hearing people, and hearing to Deaf people, so i can't really win. i do call myself hard of hearing if i am in a Deaf community or talking to someone else with hearing loss typically though.

btw i also have a sensory disorder that makes it difficult to understand the words even if i can physically hear them with hearing aids 🎉

house hunting update!

Mon, 19 Jun 2023 12:00:00 -0500

house hunting update! too tired to talk about bday today, but i can do that soon

on thursday, we drove about 30min north to the next biggest city (conroe tx). we are wanting to move more rural, because the city we are living in right now (spring tx) has become overpopulated, especially since covid.

our realtor is very nice, but seems to think the lesser populated suburbs are "rural." i grew up in a town that was 30min from the closest store and had 1,000 people so my idea of rural is way off from hers. anyway, we hit up the closest houses.

the first one was... bad.

it looks really nice from the outside but it 100% was not worth the 315k(!) asking price. yard was tiny, kitchen was tiny, layout was awkward, needed a ton of fixing up to do. it somehow managed to make 2,000sqft look tiny. nope, pass.

the second house i liked a lot.

this thing is HUGE. 3,100sqft, 5bd, 3ba. completely move in ready except one or two little things. it was at the top of our budget though (325k).

when we walked in, the alarm started going off high pitched, and our realtor didn't have the code- it wasn't given to her on the app. i tore out my hearing aids which helped a little, but then i went and explored the rest of the house.

you don't really realize how big over 3000sqft is until you're actually walking around. the thing was massive. i liked it a lot. the only downside is that the backyard was tiny and it was kind of close to a river. it wasn't technically in the flood plane, but you always have to be aware of that in houston.

for some reason, elias wasn't feeling it. i read the sellers disclosures and it said they were divorcing. and i was like "well, what is one guy going to do with 3000sqft house?" and the realtor was like "what are two guys going to do with it?" 🙄 lady don't test my ability to fill a house lmao.

so elias and i weren't seeing eye to eye on that one, but we put a pin in it for now.

third house we both agreed that we liked. 270k/1700sqft

it has some major curb appeal, and the design aesthetics fit me perfectly. i'm not one to particularly care how a house looks on the outside, but it's a nice bonus.

decent size, lots of natural light and windows, lots of built in cabinetry, nice walk in pantry. basically one story. whenever i walked in, i was seriously wowed and instantly crossed the other big house off the list in favor of this one. however...

there's not a very big kitchen and there's not much room to expand with new counters. it's serviceable, and i could probably find a way to work around it, but still.

the layout is super, super closed which is also a downside to me. it has an interesting feature where it has a staircase to a very small little den upstairs and that's the only thing upstairs. there is also a mystery sink up there?

another HUGE downside is that the laundry hookups are in the garage and don't have their own space. that would be fine if we were living up north, but whoever put those in the garage must have been smoking crack because we are in southern texas. we have been above 110 regularly this week. yeah, i'm not going to get heat stroke doing laundry. so we would have to install new laundry hookups somewhere in the actual house.

it was also a bit small for the asking price. yes, it's move in ready, but there a few upgrades i would need to do. 1700sqft is also close to our minimum (1500) and the actual house is probably 1500 because of the weird upstairs den. we are still potentially short listing this one.

fourth house looks like shit, but hear me out. (250k, 2000sqft)

already we liked this house because of the area. our realtor DEFINITELY did not because she is so much about curb appeal, and this one looks like dookie from the outside. the metal siding is actually a huge plus in texas, because it reflects the heat and can't be eaten up by bugs. it does need a fresh coat of paint and some front landscaping though.

unfortunately our realtor was primed to be negative because she didn't like the way it looked on the outside. however, it has a super nice inside. it's really big, open, jack&jill bath between two bedrooms (which we would use as our office) and the master bedroom is really nice. huge laundry room (inside!) and i can't emphasize how much the layout was open, in a good way. it made the 2000sqft look like 2500 where the other house made the 1700 look like 1200.

it also has a ton of land, nearly an acre.

it's not perfect though. a fence would have to be built so we could let our dogs outside. it doesn't have a carport, which isn't a big deal to me, but i might want to add one in the future. the kitchen is fine but definitely i would like to remodel it. the realtor expressed concern that it wouldn't pass an inspection because there was a bump in the floor. i am not sure if that was her picking out the negative because she was primed for it or not, but it would definitely have to be addressed.

all that being said, that one was shortlisted too.

after we were done with the realtor, we drove an hour and a half north to a rural little one stoplight town that is more what i'm used to. it is a VERY nice little town with a hugely low crime rate. the biggest complaint some people have is "great for retirees but boring for everyone else" doesn't bother me, im a homebody lmao.

since we like that town so much, we decided to start looking at properties there, and wow! you can get so much bang for your buck. i think the other two houses we liked will end up being crossed off because of that.

i never know what i'm looking for. maybe i should like, start watching house hunters or something?

either way, we are going to look some more on friday. very excited!!!

good lord

Thu, 01 Jun 2023 12:00:00 -0500

This freaking journal is ancient. If I end up adding anyone else, please don't judge me from my past entries. There's only a smattering of entries, and when I started this journal in 2009, I was 18 and going through a lot of shit.

I'm now 32 (turning 33 in a couple of weeks) and still going through shit, but the shit is more like, adult shit and not so much teenage trauma type shit.

um, where do I even begin? the last time I made a substantial update was in 2017 or 2018, so 5 or 6 years ago.

I've been through 2 jobs since then, and on the third one. (I swear I'm not a job hopper, the first one laid me off and the second one treated me like garbage)

I was in the linguistics industry, then switched over to my current job in ophthalmology. I work in research studies now.

Toni still pees all over, but she hasn't peed on me since then. We just diaper her, as it's a medical problem. Evil is still a butthead, but not a kitten anymore. We adopted another dog from Elias' mom.

I moved from my tiny apartment into a house in 2019. I am actually currently in a legal dispute with the landlord and expect them to (illegally retaliate) not renew my lease at the end of August. So now, we are looking into buying a house for the first time.

It's wild to look back and look at the kind of stuff I was worried about as a teenager. Like, celebrating that my dad finally let me have my computer in my bedroom (in the days before smartphones lmfao) and fussing over my grandma not wanting me to live with her.

My grandma actually passed away shortly after that, and shortly before she died she apologized about not letting me stay and said I could stay whenever I wanted. What an awful thing to think about now. i was acting like such a brat. I don't know why I couldn't just enjoy her company without bickering over something useless.

I've made a shit ton of progress since that first entry (almost 15 years ago!!)

I just can't believe I was so worried about my computer not being in my bedroom...

public blog?

Wed, 04 Oct 2017 12:00:00 -0500

therapy went fine. going to have to deal with Sem Month, i wish that she still didn't have such an affect on me. ah well. my thearpist wants me to write about my experiences and it's hard for me to do if i don't feel like i have an audience. maybe make a public blog? i am not certain. hmm. i'll think on it.

new computer

Wed, 27 Sep 2017 12:00:00 -0500

i almost forgot to write this haha... i didn't write because i was sick yesterday...
feeling a little guilty because i bought the computer... but hope that im getting a lot of use out of it... know it's probably a little sketchy sitting on the table like that... haha... maybe i should go to ikea...

Update

Tue, 18 Apr 2017 12:00:00 -0500

I am going to try to keep this thing updated. I doubt I will ever get a chance to do so, but.

I don't even know where to start. I'm working at a vacations agency in Houston, TX now as an Online Editorial Assistant. That's fancy-speak for "I do data entry/computer stuff/write for a living." It's the highest paying job I've ever had, and it's the most free income I've ever had as well. I'm well budgeted for the first time in my adult life, I'm living in my own apartment (with my partner) and life is good in general.

That being said, tackling trauma has been... a task. With the host finally knowing about the DID, it has been a tough thing in general. Trying to exhaust all options before the host starts getting into having to deal with the trauma, but. There is only so much I can do, truthfully.

I don't know if anyone will read this. The idea that someone might, though, is what keeps me writing. Even if it is friends only, aha. I would write more, but. I really need to put the body to rest to actually get some sleep for work tomorrow. Today has been quite a day, and I don't want to exhaust myself beyond what I'm already going to be as it is.

Microblogs - October 2011

Tue, 01 Nov 2011 12:00:00 -0500

2011-10-31 11:34 PM: Now to sleep after my 2 hours of free time. Being an adult sucks and no one understands.

2011-10-31 6:03 AM: I'm eating a lunchables the morning before I start my first serious job. The kid in me likes Lunchables, and the adult in me likes my job! I am such a balanced individual.

2011-10-27 2:15 PM: Job said they'd work around my schedule (I would just come in early on Mondays and Wednesdays). The happiness I am feeling right now is amazing

2011-10-25 12:30 AM: The EOA5 flash was sweet, especially the part where they fix the tank.

2011-10-21 11:45 PM: something in the system glitched and i still have all my userpics from the paid account trial. They're still all useable too

2011-10-19 1:43 PM: Sorry I've been kind of inactive on plurk lately! I promise I read all of your plurks. I don't mark them all as read, I go through and read each one.

2011-10-19 12:52 AM: Something I subtitled has over 400,000 views. my heart is goin doki doki

2011-10-18 11:59 PM: i'm 12 and what is this

2011-10-17 7:59 PM: Proof That Tupac and Elvis Were In Cahoots - https:--www.youtube.com-watch?v=ZjGVGt8XYAQ

2011-10-15 12:37 AM: Ok my +24hour nosleepathon is over and I have woken up fully rested and "asshole Nate" as some people like to call it

2011-10-14 8:13 PM: i just fell asleep sitting up. i guess that's what happens when you literally dont sleep one day and just sorta stay up 24 hours. i was like perusing some site and i just fell asleep

2011-10-12 5:26 PM: Someone is sitting across from me IN PUBLIC, playing her laptop, with Bejewelled BLASTING. that really fucking necessary? You don't need to have your crappy ambient music and sound of jewels and magical fucking sprinklenoises cranked.

2011-10-12 3:03 PM: Just dropped $250 on clothes. I update my wardrobe about once a decade. NOW I FEEL SUPER GUILTY FOR BUYING STUFF.

2011-10-12 12:51 AM: 2 hours of sleep last night woot. Tumblr rp is too entertaining for its own good.

2011-10-11 8:51 PM: I feel like all my older friends are getting irritated at me for being a homestuck.

2011-10-11 1:29 AM: Sorry for being useless and whiny today. I'll try to keep my chin up.

2011-10-10 9:03 AM: new homestuck on the 25th...guess who's staying away from all social media until he's done watching?

2011-10-08 7:27 AM: I should really get on my homework tomorrow. :| There's all the pages in the world I need to read, and none of the time.

2011-10-07 7:25 PM: over 9000 tags to answer

2011-10-06 11:57 AM: I find it hard to believe that I frequent LJ now as often as I did a decade ago. I kind of find it hard to believe it's been a decade at all.

2011-10-03 8:17 PM: back from school

2011-10-03 3:09 PM: Thanks to everyone who took the time to cheer me up today. It really made a difference.

2011-10-03 12:52 AM: fuck yeah going to bed at a decent hour! night~ should be up and tagging around 10am my time

2011-10-02 7:04 PM: Food times

2011-10-02 4:24 PM: 70 pages of reading due tomorrow for one class and I haven't even started yet. Read ALL of the things??

2011-10-01 3:05 PM: 100 pages later... One part of my homework is done!

New H!P PVs

Wed, 25 May 2011 12:00:00 -0500

Berryz Koubou - Ai no Dangan

It's released with a resounding yawn from me. I was interested for the first minute and a half or so, but admittedly, I tuned out after that. They're working the outfits, but the PV is very one-shot style; there's no variation. That's not unusual for H!P I guess. The song itself isn't bad. I don't think I'll be buying it, personally.

Maeda Yuki - Busan Hatsu

Excellent! Once again, she is showing off her amazing vocal skills. The PV is visually interesting, as opposed to the Berryz PV. I may or may not buy this, depending on my funds. I'd love for Maeda to make more music.

Morning Musume - Only You

Yawwwnnn. Looks like another close up + dance shot mix PV. The outfits are very cute and the members are cute, as usual, but it feels like UFA has completely given up on giving berryz/momusu/c-ute good PVs. I'll still be buying the single seeing as I love the song, but it would be nice to see them put A LITTLE bit of effort in once and awhile. I remember how everyone in 2005 was bitching about how THE Manpower!!! was basically a dance shot, and now it's par for the course. Oh, how the times have changed.

Using L inux

Tue, 24 May 2011 12:00:00 -0500

Lately, I've been using Linux. I haven't been using the noob versions either (Ubuntu, Mint). Actually, I've been using a version that is half noob, half not. It's called Crunchbang Linux. It's pretty much a Debian mod. I thought about installing Debian, but I wanted a faster distro for my laptop, so I installed Crunchbang instead.

It's really cool. I've been taking baby steps towards actually learning how to use Linux rather than just relying on a GUI interface to edit everything. What's cool about Crunchbang is that everything is customizable through basic code. I can customize the taskbar completely, whatever color I want, whatever borders, font, etc. The shell/launcher is where I open up all the programs, and that is fully customizable as well. As someone who loves customization, it's working out great.

It isn't all hand-holding and GUI though. There's also some terminal stuff that is required. I've never seriously used a terminal before I installed Crunchbang. It requires you to use the terminal to update or use a lot of Linux programs. The biggest hurdle I found was trying to install a gelbooru downloader (this one, if anyone's interested). It's entirely command-line based, which was new for me. Everyone has to start somewhere though. I used a guide to help me get it running and I felt really accomplished after I'd finished.

I only have two complaints

Taskbar buttons don't blink, so I had to edit IM windows to steal focus every time I get an incoming IM.
Battery life is dismal compared to Windows 7.

Besides those two issues, it works fine for what I use my laptop for-- browsing the internet, occasionally editing pictures, talking on IM, etc. I will never change my desktop from Windows 7 however. I need games on there!

Only You Preview Released

Thu, 05 May 2011 12:00:00 -0500

It sounds really good. It sounds like we're going back to Reina/Ai fest bad ass sounding songs... Which is totally fine with me. It seems like Tsunku was like, "oh, Maji Desu ka Ska! sold like shit, so back to the same ol same ol!" I don't like that Riho has so many lines. She seems like she's being prepped to be Ai-chan version 2, which I really hate.

Oh well... I can deal with the line distribution so long as the songs sound good (which this one does.)

I WAS RIGHT

Wed, 04 May 2011 12:00:00 -0500

The wota are reporting that the line distribution for MM’s 46th single is as follows:

Takahashi Ai : 23 lines
Tanaka Reina : 22 lines
Sayashi Riho : 14 lines
Niigaki Risa : 2 lines
Michishige Sayumi : 2 lines
Mitsui Aika : 2 lines

Which means Mizuki, Erina, and Kanon receive 0 solo lines, and Riho is the only 9th generation member with solos.

I love a chance to gloat, so... I was so fucking right!

(editor note: this linked to a page called "pushing riho" which isn't available on the wayback machine, but i assume i was talking about sayashi riho being pushed in MM)

How I Got Into H!P

Fri, 29 Apr 2011 12:00:00 -0500

In 2002, one of my friends at the time recommended Hamasaki Ayumi. Being young and impressionable, I took pretty much every music recommendation completely seriously and I started getting into this Hamasaki person. After that, I started entering stuff like "jpop" into the KaZaA search engine. I liked some of the stuff I downloaded, some people stayed one-hit-wonders in my mind (like Namie Amuro and her song Alarm--I love that song, but I never could get into Namie.) Some people I was really into at first, and then just sort of stopped (like Nami Tamaki; I watched her video 'Prayer' way too much to be healthy.)

From this random searching, I found BoA. After downloading some BoA songs, I realized I really liked the song Kimochi wa Tsutawaru. I proceeded to download every single file labeled with Kimochi wa Tsutawaru. I found a file called "BoA in elevator with Morning Musume". It was this video-- it had Kimochi wa Tsutawaru live at the end.

Since it was KagoTsuji, I thought it was the most adorable thing ever. I thought Morning Musume was just these two girls, so I searched for Morning Musume on KaZaA. I was surprised when the stuff downloaded, because it wasn't just two girls singing. I found Minimoni and I totally loved them too. I was more into Minimoni than Momusu at first, but gradually I got more interested in Momusu. I listened a lot to golden era Morning Musume, and I know a lot of the b-sides to the earlier singles because they were tagged with "Morning Musume" and I pretty much downloaded every MM song file I could find.

(I also remember having some Ayaka's English Lessons on my computer. I downloaded and watched the Kago ones over and over again. Kago was always my favorite member.)

Those were the dial-up days... So I really replayed the songs that I did manage to download (stuff like Happy Summer Wedding and Koi no Dance Site). When I finally got DSL in January of '05, that was when I started following them more seriously (because I had a DC++ hub full of friends with high def Musume stuff, and I could actually download it faster than one video every two weeks.) I remember THE Manpower!!! being the first high definition PV that I downloaded.

My fandom fades every now and again, but I always come back to H!P. I wonder why that is? Probably because of the music. It certainly isn't much because of the idols... I can't enjoy the full experience. I don't know Japanese well enough to watch every release that comes out (and understand it that well, that is). I'm starting to get more into the idols that actually sing the music, so if you ask me...

2002-2004: Casual listener
2005-2009: Listen for the music
2010-2011: Start to pay attention to the idols

Something like that.

"Only You"

Thu, 28 Apr 2011 12:00:00 -0500

"Only You" is MM's next single. I don't know what style it is, but judging from the outfit, it might be a ballad. There are other blog posts with images, too. As for what I want next in a MM single... well, a ballad would be nice. I wouldn't mind another cool type song, either.

I don't think the song is going to be Maji Desu Ka Ska style, judging by the outfits. But outfits have steered us wrong before. Remember the Aruiteru outfits? Those were about as least feel-good-ballad-y I could think. They seemed more like they were made for the b-side (Morning Curry).

blah blah blah

Mon, 25 Apr 2011 12:00:00 -0500

I feel like ranting because... yeah, whatever, I guess. I know everyone's under a lot of pressure, so it feels a little selfish to be complaining, but I'm doing it anyway. I had a couple places that I could have posted this... tumblr is too open and I don't trust my personal diary not to shit out on me and lose important entries. SO. It's going here.

This isn't going to have any coherence or even relatively good transitions. I'm just rambling; I'm not trying to write a paper for English.

I've been having nightmares like crazy lately. Stuff about my mom mostly, but sometimes it's about other stuff. I don't know why, but it drives me batty.

I've been sleeping... so much. Ten, eleven hours a day. It feels kind of like I'm just sort of floating by. Or life is just passing me by. For the past week, I've set my alarm for certain times... and I've woke up about thirty minutes before every time I set my alarm for. Then I'll roll over, and adjust my alarm for another hour. Because of this, I've been way oversleeping.

Life just... slowly passes me by. I find enjoyment in very few things. I wish I could enjoy more things. Everything costs money, though. And I'm not good at anything that wouldn't cost me money. I'd kill to be able to draw well, but it seems that I'm horrible at seeing something and copying it, so I can't learn anatomy well. Singing... just reminds me of my FAAB status. Not to mention any singing projects I'm in love to say "girls" and trigger the shit out of me. And I don't want to say anything, 'cause I don't want to be a burden.

I used to enjoy H!P and stuff like that... But now? I just sort of. I don't even know why I follow it. I don't, really. I check the Hello!Online twitter every so often. It's never news that interests me. It's always rambling on about -group I don't care about is releasing a new single- or -person I don't care about is releasing a new photobook-. Even if I did care as much as I used to, I can't fully participate in the H!P experience because I simply don't have money. I can't wota it up because I'm broke.

All I have is... pirated games and music? Wow. Way to be, you fucking loser. Can't even support your favorite artists or developers. And when you had money, you pissed it away on a computer instead of mental health or physical health or something important. Good going.

I feel like I'm depressed, and no one even knows. I do a pretty good job of hiding it most of the time, but I feel down a lot. Pretty much constantly. I feel happy sometimes, but most of the time it's just washed away in sadness. I'm starting to wonder if I bring it upon myself... Or if I'm just being over dramatic.

My dad always is quick to remind me that I'm over dramatic. Whenever I ever complain about something, he says I'm being over dramatic. Yet he tries to say that he's there to listen to me...? Yeah, right. I don't even want to know his reaction when he finds out I'm trans. OMG ATTENTION HORE WHAT ARE YOU DOING? He's fucking horrible for even pretending to care about my problems. If he doesn't consider them to be problems, it's easier to just ridicule me.

Sometimes, I just want to cry. Sometimes, I just want people to listen to me cry and tell me that I'm not over reacting. And I do have a few friends that do that for me.

But I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about this... It's not my friends/family's fault. I feel if I talked to anyone, they would just tell me I was being over dramatic. I'm always feeling like a burden, but especially lately. I feel like I'm just an annoyance in everyone's life... and talking about my problems would just be more of an annoyance. I know it's probably not true, but whenever I talk to someone, I can practically feel their annoyance with me. Like, I'm just wasting their time. I wouldn't blame anyone if they felt that way, but constantly feeling like this is seriously taking a drain on me. I don't like even asking people questions because I feel like I'm wasting their time.

But when was the last time I had a hug? I can't even remember. Maybe six months ago, when I was moving out from my dad's at first?

I'm so flaky. I can't ever choose one thing or the other. I always do things for a little bit of time, and then I move on to something else. I couldn't even hold a job down for a month. And then I moved in with Amanda for a month, then I came back. I get interested in things and then I quickly lose interest. I'm jealous of people who can have interests for more than a month or two.

What makes me feel the worst is complaining about money problems-- especially when I know people have it worse. Just... It's about to get a lot worse now that Amanda doesn't have food stamps. That's all there is to it. This stupid fucking horrible country. I fucking hate it.

I feel so worthless right now. I have for the past few months. I feel like I'm tipping over the edge of desperation, and I don't even know why. I don't even have it that bad. I have friends and family that love me, a steady home, and I'm working on bettering myself in college. So why do I feel so helpless and useless? I don't want to sound emo-- well, you know what. Fuck it. This is my journal, and whoever doesn't like it can bite me. I'm just going to write what I want.

I feel like self-reflection brings a tidal wave of guilt and unhappiness. I realize how fucking useless I am, and how god damn insignificant my life is-- and it fucking sucks. I feel like I'm drowning, and no one is offering to help me out of this incoming tsunami of self-hatred and depression.

And it's not even their fault. My friends and family don't even know. I won't let them help me. When I was a child, I had to do everything for myself. I'm so used to doing everything for myself, I don't like seeking help. I always chant to myself, "I'll be okay. I'll be fine. It's not a big deal." It's like a fucking ritual with me. It's like I have too much pride to admit "I might not be fine. This might not be okay. The quality of my life is hurting and upsetting me."

I have trouble admitting when something is a big deal. I don't know why. If it's something someone did to me, it's probably because I don't want them to feel bad about it. If it's something that just happened, I don't want people to tell me I'm over reacting.

Maybe it's because I was always praised for being so mature when I was a kid. When I refused to get in the car when my mother was drunk (which consequently led to her arrest), people around me told me, "Wow. You are so mature." And a lot of people who knew what my childhood was like tell me that I am really strong and mature for not having anything wrong with me.

ALL THEY ARE DOING IS VALIDATING MY CHOICE TO HIDE MY MENTAL PROBLEMS. And I write this, and I know it's wrong to try to hide them. But somewhere, there's a disconnect. I blame it on lack of money, but when I had money, I didn't get help. Why? Maybe I like people thinking I'm strong. I'm just a weak, weak person that crumbles under the slightest bit of pressure. I don't want people to know that.

I think my hypersensitivity to things that some people can take (like the music blasting next door...) is actually because I'm depressed and hypersensitive.

I'm not even a little independent. And that is killing me, too. All I can do is drive by myself. Big fucking deal. I'm still sucking from my dad's paycheck for gas money. I'm still a fucking child, that's all I am.

I don't want to take these things out on the people around me. I feel that sometimes, I do. I don't want to. I just wish I knew exactly what was wrong.

I'm a negative, horrible person. I'm bossy and I'm bitchy. I'm nitpicky. I'm quick to tell someone to do something, but slow to do it myself. Which also makes me a hypocrite. I can practically feel people avoiding me so they don't get sucked into my vortex of negativity and depression. "No one wants to be around a negative person!" (Thanks for that complex, Supervision class.)

I just want to cry. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I need help. Please, someone help me.

LJ App for iPod Touch

Sat, 05 Mar 2011 11:00:00 -0600

So Uh. The livejournal app for iPod touch is pretty solid. I'm not sure why it has such poor reviews in the app store. I guess because it's like a basic note screen? I'll have to go read the reviews after this to see what people are complaining about.

Though knowing lj I'm surprised there aren't any ads on this.

Oh and just so this entry has a little substance: I finished my excel/access/word torture classes today. Now whether I passed or not... I don't know. The grading system is mysterious and since I have only seen the teacher's many teaching aids, I'm not entirely sure he even exists.

It's gonna suck going back to school though. Especially when my first class is with a horrible teacher that manages to make me hate something that, under normal circumstances, I love. :c

orientation

Fri, 23 Apr 2010 12:00:00 -0500

So… I had Wal-mart cashier orientation from 1-5 today. It was just the beginning, I guess I’m actually doing the computer questions tomorrow, and then maybe register practice on Sunday, and then start work on Monday? That’s not exactly what they told me, I’m just guessing about that but that makes sense.

I got there about a half hour early and sat waiting. There were 6 people besides me; 3 girls and 4 guys. When we went into the room, we got nametags. I had trouble finding the letter “A” so it took me five minutes just to wait for people to get finished with the new sheet. After that, we were lectured about some of the rules.

Some interesting things to note, that I learned:
- I’ll be promoted to permanent after three months if I don’t suck total ass
- The uniform is basically just a navy blue shirt (any style) and brown pants (any style)
- We get three days of unexplained absence before we’re fired. The lady said it was pretty much impossible to get fired unless you REALLY tried. They give you so many strikes.
- I’ll probably be working during the day because the garden center closes at 9pm

Then, we went out and took a small tour of the place. I’m just glad I’m not working in the back because it is HUGE and very confusing in the back. I found out that I’m going to be working basically in a greenhouse, which is going to SUCK ASS in the middle of June. I’m seriously going to be sweating.

After that, we went back into the training room and watched two of the most boring videos in existence. The first one was talking about how AMAZING it was to be a ~Wal-mart Associate~ (they call them Associates, not Employees) and then talked about how they have some “Open Door” policy where you can talk to anyone in management for whatever reason at any time. They said it wasn’t necessary to form a union because of this. Made me roll my eyes, but whatever. It was only 5 minutes long.

The next video was 20 minutes long, and considering the subject matter, that was excruciatingly long. The subject matter was… proper procedure for cleaning up spills. A 20 minute video about just that. I was pretty much falling asleep during it. I could see some guy texting even though the person specifically said not to.

After that, we played a really dumb board game. Basically everyone was rolling our eyes at how ridiculous it was. By the end of it, we weren’t even reading the “chance” cards that were supposed to teach us about customer service. We were just trying to get through it.

Then we were given a packet. We were supposed to run around the store finding things. I ended up going with the other Lawn & Garden cashier they hired. This was probably one of the most informative things I did, but not because of the packet. It was more because we stopped into the lawn & garden section and asked the woman who worked there how it was. Learned a few things there too:

- She started 2 weeks ago, but she’s gotten 40 hours even though she’s supposed to be ‘temp’
- It’s slow right now but it’s supposed to get busier during summer
- What you do during slow time is basically fix the way stock looks, clean up, and water plants

After that, we were released and I was told I had to come back at 1-5pm. Then I hopped over to Goodwill to buy myself at least one uniform for work. Ended up being $8, just a blue shirt and brown pants.

/edit, last part deleted because I misunderstood my dad. He only expects me to save 400-500 a month which gives me 300 to basically do whatever I want. I hope….

stealing.

Wed, 17 Mar 2010 12:00:00 -0500

I really hate how people say that if you download an album and don't buy it, you're "stealing profits" from the record company. Or, more accurately, they point the finger and yell "THIEF!"

In order to steal something, it has to be a commodity. If I went into Best Buy and stole an iPod, I would be robbing them out of $300 profits. I'd be stealing from them. But mp3s are not stealing because they are not a commodity. Mp3s can be replicated however many times. It's sharing, not stealing.

Then RIAA or whatever tries to say they stole "potential profit". Wtf? The record companies assume that 1 illegal download = 1 lost sale. But that's not necessarily true. How many times have people downloaded music and absolutely hated it? I know I have. I'm not going to run out and buy an album that I hate. Just because someone downloads something doesn't necessarily mean they would have bought it if the internet wasn't around. The "potential profit" argument is bullshit.

I do agree that, morally, if you have the money and listen to the album often, you should buy it. I would buy all the albums I listen to often if I actually had ANY spare money, and actually plan on doing so once I get a job. Dad's like "why would you do that? you have them on the computer." but I really want to support the artist, plus I like having the physical CD.

I just don't think that we should be buying CDs we haven't even tried. Why would you run out and buy a CD if you'd never heard the tracks? What if it totally sucks? That doesn't seem like a good way to spend money. Not to mention, buying a crappy CD is encouraging the people who make the music to make more like that, at least in the case of UFA and other profit-hungry organizations.

And honestly? H!P fans are screaming "Buy the album! Support MoMusu!", but honestly? It's very, very mediocre to me. I'm not going to spend hard earned money on an album that doesn't absolutely captivate me.

Guess I'm just a con artist.

another survey

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 11:00:00 -0600

Name: [REDACTED]
Straight/gay/bi? It’s complicated. I guess effectively gay, but technically pansexual.
Single? Nope, and I wouldn’t give her up for the world ♥
Birth date: 18 June 1990
Height? 5’2’‘
Eye colour: Green
Happy with it? Actually, I’d rather them be blue. I’ve always wanted blonde hair and blue eyes, but I can’t stand contacts so I can’t help that.
Pets? A gecko named Mitsuo
Piercings? My ears, if they’re even still pierced. They’re probably closed up~ I want to get my lip pierced as well, just haven’t gotten around to it.
Tattoos? Nope. Still considering whether I want one or not… Probably will be considering it for quite a few years. I’m not in a hurry to go ink my skin permanently.
Obsessions? Metallica, Hello!Project, facebook games/ragnarok/games in general, computer

What is the compliment you get most from people? That I have nice eyes, oddly enough. I remember someone once told me that I have “perfect” lips, as in they’re not too Angelina Jolie thick and they aren’t paper thin.
Can you sing? I’d like to think so.
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? There are a lot of things I know that I could improve upon, personality-wise. As for physically, I like myself pretty much fine.
What do you like the most about your body? My face.
And the least? Hm.. my weight, maybe? Even though I’ve come to terms with that a long time ago.

DO YOU?
- Smoke? Nope
- Do drugs? Nope
- Read the newspaper? No, just digg.com haha
- Pray? Nope
- Go to church? Nope
- Talk to people even though you hate them? I don’t “hate” people, so this is a fundamentally flawed question. But if I need to talk to someone I dislike, I won’t let my feelings come in the way. But if I don’t have to, then no
- Drive? I can, but I don’t
- Like to drive fast? Naw, I’m pretty much like an old lady
- Like your voice? Not really. I think I sound incredibly nerdy. It’s not as bad when I’m just talking, but when I hear a recording of myself it’s really noticable. Even my singing voice sounds weird to me.
- Hurt yourself? Nope

HAVE YOU EVER?

- Been out of the country? Once… I went to Canada when I was 7. That’s it. We don’t really have the funds to do stuff like that, and even if we did, my dad has a “why leave America?” attitude so I’d probably have to go with my grandma
- Had sex? Yes
- Been in love? Yes
- Had a surgery? Yup.. when I was three, I was rocking on a rocking chair in the garage. I rocked too far and fell back and split my head open.
- Ran away from home? Hmm… depends on the definition. One time, my dad got REALLY drunk and started punching stuff, so I ran away to Amanda’s that night, but that was the only time. (Last time he got drunk too)
- Been so drunk that you know you’re supposed to go out on a date with someone, but you can’t remember with who or when and that you faint when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, not to mention your breath? Uh… Just read the previous question’s answer and take a guess as to whether I can stand alcohol or not.
- Thought about suicide? Yes
- Talked on the phone all night? Yes. Actually I talk with Amanda on skype all night almost every day
- Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex? Yes, when I was little we used to go camping with Danny and Caleb.
- Killed someone? …
- Had sex with a stranger? No…
- Thought you’re going crazy? Sometimes I still do, haha
- Kissed the same sex? Nope
- Done anything sexual with the same sex? Not yet
- Stolen anything? Hm… a few times stand out to me. Once, when I was really little, I took a strategy guide for Diddy Kong Racing from the store (so it was probably 1997, so I was 7). I didn’t know that they cost money. Also, when I was 14 or something, I stole a can of cheese from the dollar store just to see if I could get away with it.
- Been on radio/TV? Nope
If I were a month I would be: Probably December. Start off as warm, but turn very cold near the end. Hahah.
If I were a day of the week I would be: Tuesday. I’m very boring and not really renowned for anything.
If I were a time of day I would be: 4am.
If I were a planet I would be: Pluto…oh wait
If I were a direction I would be: West
If I were a liquid I would be: Flavored water…
If I were a flower/plant I would be: Rose, insert cliche with thorns, etc.
If I were an animal I would be: A dog… dumb and loyal.
If I were a color I would be: Gray
If I were a fruit I would be: Strawberry
If I were an element I would be: Wind
If I were a food I would be: Beef jerky lols
If I were a place I would be: Alaska?
If I were a body part I would be: DICKS

semi-hiatus

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 12:00:00 -0500

if my lack of updates is any sort of indication, i’m on a semi-hiatus.

there’s just not a whole lot going on in my life that’s noteworthy, and even if there was, i never think to update my lj with it. i just tell someone about it and move on for the most part.

i’ll most likely still be reading all of your entries, only on more delayed basis and i sure as hell won’t be commenting as much as i used to.

Microblogs - August 2009

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 12:00:00 -0500

2009-08-31 11:03 PM: september first. how time flies~

2009-08-31 9:52 PM: girls outside. screaming. what.

2009-08-31 5:20 PM: awake hurray (also, i need to make a list of things to buy in the future)

2009-08-31 5:47 AM: tired of being banned on lunchtimers for no good reason

2009-08-30 4:00 AM: creeped out when people on lj friends list give full detail on their sex lives

2009-08-28 10:24 AM: i wonder how people can find plurk to be 'addictive'

2009-08-25 8:45 PM: sick ;~;

2009-08-23 8:16 PM: should update more often whoops

2009-08-16 3:45 PM: god damn

2009-08-14 11:16 AM: noon, so that's bed time for me

2009-08-03 5:28 PM: happy birthday james hetfield!

AT&T Blocks /b/

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 12:00:00 -0500

AT&T has made the foolish decision to block /b/ and /r9k/ (4chan). I, for one, am not personally affected because about a half a year ago we switched to comcast, but I know many people are going to be affected. This article says 15.5% of all US internet users use AT&T DSL, which is a pretty sizable amount. (Ironically, my gramma called me today to tell me she got a laptop– and AT&T internet.)

Now, I don’t go to 4chan anymore myself, but this is fucking CENSORSHIP. This is like a slap in the face for everyone who has been trying to fight for net neutrality. It’s definitely a huge step backwards. /b/ may be full of porn and people’s heads blowing off, but the internet is free, or at least, it should be. /b/ has a strong anti-CP policy and mods who enforce that policy. 4chan’s TOS says anything not legal in the USA is not to be posted, and active mods delete anything that would fall underneath a breach of TOS, usually with a ban.

If the reason they’re blocking it is CP or whatever, that’s punishing all of the users for the actions of a select few, which I find to be extremely wrong. Punish the user themselves, don’t punish the masses because a few people don’t know how to follow rules. It’s like… cutting off the nose to spite the face, or something. Hard to believe, but there is ‘good’ and honestly entertaining content on /b/. I know that it’s relatively harmless because I used to be a hardcore /b/tard. Basically, all that existed there was a bunch of cocks and memes being spouted over and over. Sometimes there was intelligent discussion, but for the most part said ‘discussions’ were EUROFAGS vs AMERIFAGS or something similar. The rare CP thread was quickly 404’d.

If they get away with blocking one site, it’s only a slippery slide until they start blocking others. Don’t give them an inch unless you are prepared for them to take a mile. Once they see they can get away with blocking one particular site, they’ll start blocking more and more in the interest of ‘safety’. I have never been the type of person to give away personal freedom for the sake of ‘safety’.

I can see some /b/tards leaving AT&T because of this, and I wouldn’t blame them. AT&T was shitty enough when I had it, but this would definitely be the last straw for me if I were still using their service. Some people on Digg are switching just from the premise even though they don’t personally use 4chan.

There’s an article about it on ED, and I originally found out about it on digg. This will be comcast’s lucky day, I suppose.

TL;DR: The internet is free. If I want to go to the ‘cesspool of the internet’, I should be free to do so, and I recognize with that right comes responsibility. If I don’t want to see mauled bodies, I will close the X myself, I do not need you doing it for me. Quit trying to be Internet Nanny™, AT&T.

allow me to reintroduce myself.

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 12:00:00 -0500

I had a lot of people add me recently, so allow me to reintroduce myself. (I'm never good at writing these things... I'll try not to make it TL;DR)

As some of you may or may not know, my name is [REDACTED]. I have a million different internet handles (Kirk, hat, magneticdeath, asforoneday, Kohaku, etc) so feel free to call me whatever you want. I live in southwest Michigan, and was born and raised here. I just turned 19 on June 18th. I'm bisexual, but I would never date a male again so I guess that effectively makes me a lesbian. My family has always been in the lower class, money wise. My mother was on welfare the entire time my brother and I lived with her and both my parents dropped out of high school and are now general laborers.

Family-wise, my parents are divorced and have been so since I was 5. I lived with my mom, Grace, and her various boyfriends until I was 12. There was a big custody battle and I ended up with my dad, Jeff. I have been with my dad since 2002.

I quit school in 2007, at the beginning of my senior year. I've always had a 3.7 GPA, I was just going through some struggles at that time (and I'm a quitter, I admit it). However, I got my GED not long after.

I currently still live with my father and my brother, Steve. I don't have a job, but I've been looking. My dad is laid off but my brother has a job.

My girlfriend's name is Julie but I actually call her flag most of the time. My ultimate plan is to move to Belgium with her in a few years. Not sure how that's gonna happen yet, but yeah.

My life is basically Metallica at the moment. I listen to them all the time, watch videos, look at pictures, and generally obsess over them. Cliff Burton has inspired me to start learning the bass. I got a bass for my birthday and can already play a few songs on it.

I do listen to other artists though. Iron Maiden and Morning Musume/Hello!Project mostly.

I also play Guitar Hero/Rock Band almost religiously. I have been playing since April 2007. I have some videos up on youtube somewhere, but I'm a bit lazy to go looking, so if you're really interested in watching let me know.

I don't watch much TV/movies, but when I do, I prefer comedies. Lately I've been into the series "Penn & Teller's Bullshit", which debunks several scams. I think it's in its 7th season. It's an informative show that puts things in a funny manner (not to mention has lots of naked people just because it airs on Showtime).

Other interests include lolita clothing, webdesign, and graphic design.

I like debating too. I tend to lean on the liberal Democrat side of things politics-wise, though I try to examine each issue individually from both sides and come up with a solution (so I could be considered moderate). Also, I am an atheist.

Uh... That's all I can think of now. If anyone has any questions, feel free to leave a comment in this post or something. Haha.

some of my past

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 12:00:00 -0500

Meeting Amanda

Back in 2002-2003, the internet was a younger place (and I was a younger person--12-13). Everyone had AOL, and I was no different. I had AOL 6.0 if I remember correctly, but eventually upgraded to 8.0. I couldn't really get into 9.0 or 10.0 like Amanda.

Amanda is my best friend whom I met in middle school. 7th grade. I was as much of a loner then as I am now, however, we had something in common. Or at least something that I could grasp straws too. She liked anime. The anime that comes on Adult Swim, of course, because we were both 13-year-olds and this is the age of dial-up, trying to download anime would take more time than working up the money to buy it. I remember very vividly how we started talking. I'd just moved to Watervliet, and one of the student council members named Kenny (very nice guy) introduced us. We wrote little notes back and forth to each other, and the first note Amanda wrote me went something like this:

"Hi! :D
Do you want to come over to my house today?"

It was, initially, a huge risk for me. As you may or may not know, the reason I was moved to Watervliet was because I moved in with my dad in 2002. I previously lived with my mom and her husband, both of which were abusive drunks who literally moved our school every year. I had built up a defense mechanism not to get too close. However, I decided to go out on a limb and go to her house.

Now, before she met me, she didn't have the internet. All she had was television. I kept raving to her how great computers are, and how she absolutely needs to get the internet so we can talk over IM. About a month later, she managed to convince her gramma to get a computer. Her gramma kept putting parental locks on it which I showed her how to circumvent, because I'm a little bastard.

But then were the days of KaZaA and dial up. Downloading a song took an hour and I remember waiting months to download a 4gb concert (A MUSEUM- I have since bought it). I also remember accidentally deleting an entire anime series that she was downloading, which must have taken at least a month. Yes, those were more innocent times.

Because of Amanda liking anime (I never really got into it), we frequented anime chatrooms together on AOL. Even before I met Amanda, I'd been rping. I learned about it because I was into HP in 2002 (shoot me, etc). There was a lot of HP RP on AOL in those days (there was even a private chat called hprp). So, I introduced her to rp as we know it today. She was hooked.

We eventually got very close with a few friends of ours. Particularly Leo (whom we called Inuyasha, because that was who he rped), Mercy, and Gin. Mercy and Gin were supposedly long distance lovers and one thing I can vividly remember about them is that they were boning on Amanda's birthday one year because they scheduled a flight to see each other. I wonder how they are today... I've talked to Inuyasha a few times since then, but nothing serious.

For the most part after that, I just hopped around chats where no one cared about who you were ooc. It felt more comfortable that way. It wasn't until late 2004 that I felt the need to come up with another e-persona. It was for a completely different reason this time. thundercake.com. Oh, thundercake.com. You're gone now (replaced by a dA account), but I remember you well.

I have been webdesigning since 2002- since I've been on the internet. In fact, Amanda showed me a crappy geocities website of hers that made me laugh, and I helped her learn a little bit how to design. The problem has always been finding someone who will host your site-- someone who will let you take their space to put up your own little space of the web. Now, way back when, there was pick-me.net. Today, it's still up, but it's not run by the same people. I like this system better, however, back then, there was a tagboard system. Someone tagged saying they were hosting or they needed a host, and people followed through to their site. This is how I found thundercake.com.

When I first encountered the site, it was using iframes and had a little vector cloud. I thought it was very creative, cute, and stuck out in the sea of huge-people-vexels-that-took-5-years-to-load (remember, this was still dial-up days).

I decided that I would be hosted by this person if it killed me. However, their rules stated "I'd like it if we had something in common". I looked down her list of interests. Fuck! We barely had anything in common-- she was a political activist and I was a kid who just wanted an internet host. The host's name was Li, and she was a bisexual extreme liberal.

Thus Bruce was born. How did I come up with my name? I remember very vividly that I turned around and asked Steve, "What's the gayest name you can think of, for a guy?" and he responded "Bruce". Then I needed an AIM name. Closest thing sitting to me was a rainbow pencil, so my AIM name became "arainbowpencil". Ended up going by Rainbow as a nickname, which I carried over to H!O. I still use the username 'agrayrainbow' over there. I IMed her and we talked for a bit. Li welcomed me, and I got to use her webspace:

"Rainbow's my best [online] friend. When I think about Rainbow (or Bruce) I want to use the word "quirky" but that's way too flamboyant for Bruce (which is saying something ;)). He's a fellow anime fan, and we spend long hours talking trash about your website behind your back. He's been a hostee for a LOOOONG time...in fact, I think he was my first, unless that was Megan. He now has his own domain (real-emotion.org) but he's still hosted at Thundercake, giving us a sort of supernatural bond (sort of like, I could delete his site if I wanted to, but I won't). Rainbow's a great person who gets crap from everyone. One day I'll show up in Michigan and kick the asses of his foes. And that's the end of my Rainbow paragraph. When he sees this he's going to squee. And use this face --> XDD"

I should also probably mention I half-assedly crossed this persona to DC++ (a filesharing/chat client). There was this guy from Czech Republic named Diamond that was so gullible that he believed I was a cis dude even though I voice chatted with him. I tried to make my voice sound a bit deeper but it was probably epic fail. Amanda and I still have an inside joke about how his mic lagged and made him sound like a robot.

Next was when I started going by Jason... Oh, Jason.

There were a few people that I regularly talked to in that chat: a girl named Mel, who was actually pretending to be a guy (I had to drag it out of her), a girl named.. god, I can't remember, let's just call her 'bitch' because it's appropriate (also pretended to be a guy).

Ethan

Finally, there was a Canadian 19-year-old guy named Ethan. I don't know whether it was a chick with a better, more convincing act than most, but I fell for it. Hook, line, and sinker.

Ethan's rp was on a different level than everyone else's. His was way better. All his rp wasn't about sex-- in fact, he felt almost uncomfortable rping yaoi. The reason why he said he lurked those chats were because he liked watching the interactions. Eventually, I got him to play with me one-on-one and it was like love at first type... or something. I was only fourteen, but if it wasn't love, it was the biggest crush ever. I came online every day to talk to him, vent to him, rp with him.

But he didn't really treat me right. Often he'd cry "Jaaaaay" when I got online, and we'd talk for a bit. He was generally very rude with me, but for some reason, I was into that type of guy. We were both very immature. I remember that part very clearly. We'd say something even remotely sexual, and he would respond with "heh heh" in his teal-blue 8pt Verdana. We had some good times together, despite the fact that my character was a little weird.

Of course, being me, I rped with other people as well, and there was another guy named Luke who ~wanted~ me. I actually enjoyed playing with Luke more than I enjoyed playing with Ethan. That was because Ethan was orthodox, Ethan was normal, and my character, Kaoko, just didn't fit with very well with his, Kish. However, Luke would always play the weirdest scenarios with me and I ate it up.

Point being, I liked Ethan for OOC chat, and I liked Luke for IC.

However, the bubble eventually had to burst. Eventually, I made the mistake of telling a mutual friend (bitch, of course) about the fact that I was, in fact, the certified owner of a vagina. Naturally, she ran and told Ethan, and Ethan pried teeth getting that out of me personally. By this point, we were very close. He even said something along the lines of "thank god, I'm not gay". However, shit hit the fan when I told him I'd just turned 15. For some reason, that made him back off. If it was ~twu wub~ or whatever, it wouldn't matter, right? We'd have to wait to meet nonetheless.

Despite all that, we continued talking. He signed on less often though, and I started to get a bit worried. One week, he didn't sign on at all without any notice, which was a huge blow. When he came back, he said something about a drug overdose? Thing is, Amanda was good friends with Ethan as well. Amanda worked the truth out of him-- and proceeded to send me the log. It was ugly like, "Amber whines about her brother too much. What about MY problems?" and "I'm getting kind of sick of her" and "A friend of mine hung himself and I come online and she's bitching about her brother." Of course, I never knew any of that about him? He insisted to never talk about himself.

But... after I told him I read it, that was basically the end of whatever we had. He stopped signing on, I was heart-broken for awhile. I still had Luke to rp with, but he eventually stopped signing on as well. I think Ethan was the first time I had ever really loved, and it hurt for him to just leave like that. I even got an abandonment complex that a lot of people don't know about or don't understand. Even now, writing about it, is making me kind of sick.

I took a break in 2007, solely playing the XBox, where I met dale. In 2008, I met flag. The rest is history, I guess.

Ethan IMed me again in June 2008. I made the mistake of signing on my MSN one day, and he said that he was just bored (and drunk), IMing old friends. So basically, it was the drunk dialing of the IM world. At that time, I was having my little ill-informed fling with Paul. It was interesting that Ethan would IM me a few days after my birthday and cheer about me being 'legal now'. However, I was willing to throw Paul aside. After all, this was Ethan, the guy I hadn't talked to since 2005. I used a bit of discretion though because I knew it was too good to be true (especially if he was drunk). Naturally, he went AFK for awhile and some girl comes back saying "hey, this is _____, I'm gonna have to steal him away for a bit ;)" and I proceeded to block him. I didn't and still don't have time for that shit.

Luke was one that never found out about my vagina-possession, so when he contacted me in April 2009 and I told him I had a girlfriend now, he said "I thought you were gay?" And he said he had a girlfriend, so I asked him the exact same thing. Basically, he said he wanted to 'catch up' and we ended up catching up for five minutes and I haven't talked to him since.

Cheers.

lolwat

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 12:00:00 -0500

I just went on a walk for like.. a half hour? to that circle place that has no houses built in it. I thought I'd have a place to walk on my own, and maybe jog a little and take some pictures if I was feeling ambitious.

I was wrong. I counted at least six people, one of which I tailed all the way back home because she lives in the apartment below me. One was a kid asking for a beer from their ever-loving bike companions, who so helpfully called me a fat ass. Thanks for that information, drunken kid. I'm sure I couldn't have figured that one out on my own.

tl;dr: I got a few pictures and realized it wasn't worth trying to get out and see nature/exercise. I'd rather be inside on the computer being the loner fuck I am. Yeaaah.

ETA: Wait a second, Steve is staying with 11-year-old mentality girl? What the shit.

huge friends cut

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 12:00:00 -0500

TOL ~disappeared off the face of the internet~ again, and i don't care this time lmfao. she basically used me last time as tech support to get an ISO off the computer, promised she'd keep talking to me and all that, then disappeared. basically, royal class bitch.

so i had a friends cut. only a few people remain. fuck yeah.

New Wallpaper! Yes!

Sat, 23 May 2009 12:00:00 -0500

I made my own wallpaper for the first time in what seems like centuries.

It's amazing, isn't it? It took me forever to try to decide on a border. I wanted to cut them out, but they already had a background. At first I thought about doing the grungy scribbles that used to be popular in webdesign in like 2006, but then it was hard to actually cut them out. Then I tried a dotted border, but it looked stupid. So I ended up with this. I'm not sure if I'm done with it yet, but considering it's grayscale and minimalistic like I love, it should be fine and finished.

trapped

Tue, 12 May 2009 12:00:00 -0500

I'm feeling trapped at the moment.. like I can't go anywhere. Before this, I always had the comfort of knowing I could move to gramma's if things ever got bad. But coming back from her house, it's painfully obvious that she didn't want me moving there. I hinted around moving in and was shot down every single time. That's a scary thought. I have only here to be, and I got in a huge argument with dad yesterday about moving my computer into my bedroom. It's fucking sickening and I feel trapped. Same fucking routine, every single goddamn day.

Anyway, I'm not a happy person atm. I have a headache and came out into the living room, hungry. All I could think about was how much I wanted those last corn dogs in the fridge. And, of course, someone ate them. Fuckers. I should slap them.

/rant

Browsers

Thu, 30 Apr 2009 12:00:00 -0500

so i was recently just trying out the browser google chrome. oh my god, it's so fast, and it's way prettier than firefox. HOWEVER, firefox has all the add-ons i need, and google chrome does not have add-ons. it's hard to choose between the two.

can i really live without ad-block, lj username switcher, and lj add-on (unfolds comments, etc)? the former two aren't that important but the previous really is. it's so annoying seeing ads everywhere when i've become so accustomed to not seeing them. lasgklskdg

however, i'm still deciding. i'll let you all know what i decide, because i know you all care ~oh so much~

oh and i decided all my "lol one sentence!" entries are gonna just be thrown on twitter instead of just cluttering up friends list from now on.

until it sleeps

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 12:00:00 -0500

The sad thing is, I've been at the computer every single minute of it. I've literally been sitting at the computer for almost a whole day straight. Just fuckin' chatting and rping.

Yeah, so if I don't come online tonight flag, it's because I couldn't wake up for the night.

do I win youtube?

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 12:00:00 -0500

My Youtube Stats For Today:

#24 - Most Discussed (Today) - Music
#41 - Top Favorites (Today) - Music

Anywho. My thoughts on Resonant Blue? AWESOME SONG. I keep listening to it, trying to figure out why the hell I like it so much. It’s probably because I’ve liked these kinds of music in the past so it shouldn’t be a real surprise why I like it now. Technically, it’s a really good song. The bassline is strong and the drums are passable. Most of the song is made up of the singing, but Tsunku always creates his songs to cater to the voices (which makes sense). The vocals are strong (even if they aren’t split up very evenly). Tsunku is back to putting his voice in every single line, for whatever God awful reason. This song reminds me of something they would’ve made way back then, but the leads would’ve been Abe and Fukuda. That would’ve been interesting to listen to…

Thoughts about the PV? It’s really good. The choreography is spot on, and really fun to watch. I hate how the other members literally (and quite intentionally) blend into the background, though. After all, this is “Morning Musume” not “Takahashi, Tanaka, and Kusumi ft. other girls” just like I said on Hello!Online. I did a test in Windows Media Player, increasing the brightness two times and then zooming in on each corner so you could see the other members better. I wonder if anyone would be interested in me uploading those to Youtube too? It’s a lot easier to see the members but remember this isn’t the highest quality rip in the world so it would probably look even worse after being changed to .wmv.

And for those who don’t know me, I guess I should make a short self introduction. This IS a new blog after all, and why should you care about some random person’s opinion? Hopefully this will let you in on my point of view a little more.

My IRL name is XXXXX (omg no girls on the internet!). Many people don’t know that. I’m more commonly known as “Gray”, “agrayrainbow” (subtitling/Hello!Online), “toxicrainn” (on youtube), and “Masabi” (at jphip). I’m going to be 18 in June and I live in Michigan. I’ve been listening to Morning Musume since 2003 off and on, and I’ve followed it like a religion since 2005. I may come off as cynical or downright bitchy 90% of the time, but it gets my point across. I’m always up for debate especially when it comes to Hello!Project and every comment on this blog will be read (if not replied to). The purpose of this blog is to stop cluttering comment spaces and repeating myself on several blogs/news sites and just responding to news here.

I have an RSS syndicate under “Meta” or you can just bookmark me. If you’d like to be in my blogroll, comment here. I know tons of H!P sites but I only really go to InternationalWota so that’s the only site linked for now (that is until someone asks me to link them).

Oh, and if you couldn’t tell, the site’s name is “Mitsuboshi” (mi ★ tsu ★ boshi) which comes from Kusumi Koharu’s album name.

I think that’s all for now. Haha.

website host BAILS

Wed, 09 Jan 2008 11:00:00 -0600

note: i posted this on jphip because i needed a host.. but it's basically the whole story

Well.. how do I begin this nightmare?

What happened first is someone told me about tehlove hosting at [tehlove.org/.](http://tehlove.org/.) Their plans were really well priced (but not free) and I begged my grandmother for $20 to get a medium sized plan. I registered [songforxx.org](http://songforxx.org) and they were up fairly quickly.

I used my domain on and off because that's how it seemed to want to work-- on and off. The host frankly sucked, the site was always down and I was beginning to wonder what I paid for. I know, I know, "you get what you pay for" but I wasn't willing to drop another $100 on a domain that I don't use THAT often.

I finally started to use it a little more... and the host said that they were shutting down. They said that our domains would remain in tact for as long as we paid for it. Great! I didn't care if they were shutting down as long as they made good with what I paid for. I was starting to make plans for the domain, I had great plans for it in 2008.

Then I get an e-mail today which says they have to "transfer the domain names" and they're getting rid of their reseller. That's right... ditching on everyone who paid, no matter if they got their full year or only 5 months (like myself). Well, if I'm getting half the product, shouldn't I have paid half the price? That $10 could've gone toward something, I don't know, a jpop single or something. I'd rather give my money to people who will actually give me the product than bailing out halfway through.

So... now they're transferring the domain name to me, which is good for another half a year and I'm stuck hostless because they couldn't manage finances or whatever.

So please... my site doesn't take up more than 50mb at any point in time and I really need a host right now (one that can tell me wtf to do to transfer the domain to a different server too). If you can spare any space on your domain and have the knowledge to help me transfer it over to your space, I would really, really appreciate it..

edit: new layout
edit2: got a new host, will be located here

the switch back to Firefox

Sun, 06 Jan 2008 11:00:00 -0600

Yes.. I'm switching back to Firefox. Why? Because.. Opera has started to be the slowest POS ever. It literally takes 20 seconds to load a page which is really fucking annoying in the first place, when I have 6mpbs internet. Also.. it doesn't have all the extensions I want and doesn't load some pages correctly so, FIREFOX welcome back to my computer.

sold

Sun, 23 Dec 2007 11:00:00 -0600

Sold my Gamecube for $100 which I will be getting in a few days. $50 from gramma. This is what I might buy with it:

Awesome Headphones - $90
A $60 game, most likely Viva Pinata OR 4000 Microsoft Points OR Year subscription Xbox Live

Man.. that's depressing. I kept telling myself, "Am I really gonna use this?" and ended up with such a small list.. lol! I wanted to keep it to stuff I use daily which is only XBox 360 and Computer.. I thought about ADDING stuff like a camera but I'm not so sure about that seeing as I don't look good in pictures and I don't get out enough to go out and take pictures of other stuff.

I might just save the $60. :< The only thing for SURE I'm going to get is the new Headphones thing.

MSP Rock Band songs

David Bowie Pack 01 - 440
Punk Pack - 440
"Fortunate Son" - 160
"Bang a Gong (Get It On)" - 160
"Cherry Bomb" - 160
"Synchronicity II" - 160
"Can't Stand Losing You" - 160
"3's and 7's" - 160
"Sick, Sick, Sick" - 160
"Sweet Leaf" - 160
"My Iron Lung" - 160
"Brass in Pocket" - 160

this is the reason I sub

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 11:00:00 -0600

I turned on my laptop, checked my email, and found myself browsing the Hello! Online tracker, where I saw someone had uploaded an English-subbed version of Mikan– which they fortunately uploaded to Youtube for lazy people like me. So I clicked on the link to watch, and when I was reading the translation and watching the PV– I honestly almost started bawling. I really don’t know why. Kind of the same way I don’t know why I started crying when I watched Koharu performing a solo of ‘Ai Araba IT’S ALL RIGHT.’ It very well could’ve been the fact that I was really sleep-deprived and not 100 percent awake yet, but there was something that felt really, really epic about the PV and the song meaning together. Needless to say, I’m just a huge fan of this single now.

- This blog, talking about my subs for Mikan.

I sub because I feel the English community deserves to know the meaning of songs the day they come out as well as the Japanese community.
I sub because I know at least one person will enjoy it.
I sub for the community's sake.

Counters..

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 12:00:00 -0500

November Releases for XBox360

Gears of War PC comes out November 6, 2007. It will cost $0 (what, you think I'm actually BUYING it?).
Army of Two comes out November 13, 2007. It will cost $60.
Rock Band comes out November 23, 2007 [Black Friday, blah]. It will cost $170 bundled.

Now, if any of you have any idea as to how I'm going to hit Dad up for $230, tell me. I might just ask for these for an early Christmas present.

Also, it was Ayu's birthday a few days ago. I forgot to mention anything, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY AYU! Hope you had a great one.

Sorry

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 12:00:00 -0500

Sorry I haven't been updating a lot. It's mostly because I'm always talking about things that annoy me and never really talking about the good things in life. Since my life has been fairly good lately, I've had no reason to update. Heh.

I suppose that I should write an entry about the things that are going well in my life, or what has happened lately, hmm?

Amanda (who has actively been wishing her name was Aimee) has been staying at my house. She has her computer set up on my living room table, and all those wires have added to the clusterfuck which I'd like to call underneath my computer table. We have both our computers plugged in, so she enabled network sharing and took The Sims 2 (and all expansions) from my computer. It doesn't even work on mine.. so I uninstalled a few expansion packs and I hope that'll fix the problem, because I really wanna play.

Off of that topic, have you ever just stopped and realized, "wow, I might be going to spend the rest of my life with this person"? I mean, I've been dating the same person for at least 5 or 6 months, but this is just now setting in fully. It's not even a debate with myself, it's really what I think is going to happen. And even though my gramma keeps urgently encouraging me not to settle down young, she has to realize that I am not her. I think that's been a hard thing for her to realize, and she knows just as much as I do that I'm most likely going to marry young. Everyone is different (Amanda is a case in point, she doesn't even want to think about getting married until she gets out of the marines) but I know what I want to do as far as that goes.

Off topic: Does anyone have any really good computer games they could suggest? I'm bored.

lol wait wut

Fri, 14 Sep 2007 12:00:00 -0500

Last night I casually mentioned that it would be cool if I could have 600kb/s download instead of 150kb/s download, and showed dad the catalog. He said it would be okay, so I was really happy. But since it was like 3am, I went to bed, saying something like "we'll talk about it tomorrow".

Tomorrow is now, and this is what happened

me: Can I call those people now?
dad: How much did you say it was again?
me: $35.
dad: More?
me: No, the flat out price.
dad: Okay..
me: So I can call them?
dad: Sure. Wait, well is it going to cost me $50 later? Read the fine print, is this like a 3 month deal?
me: No.. they've had this plan for years.. it's not a trick.
dad: Okay whatever.
me: *Goes into bedroom, gets phone, dials*
dad: Didn't I just pay $200 to make that thing faster? [He's talking about the ram he bought LAST SUMMER + the hard drive he bought JANUARY 2005]
me: Uhh.. do you not want me to do this?
dad: This isn't the best time to ask me, Amber, I stayed up all night accidentally playing poker on the computer and now I have to go into work.
me: Well, whatever.. I'll do it tomorrow then..

WTF?!

LOL MICROSOFT SUCKS

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 12:00:00 -0500

After the update there are currently 3 unresolved issues:

Voice Chat
Matchmaking
NAT Type Detection- what was set to Open is now set to Moderate or Strict and can't be manually changed. Problems: Can't join friends online. Can't chat with friends online. May not show friends online but they are.

The team is aware of these issues and is currently working on them. They have no timeframe except ASAP!
The suggestion is too not change any port information, nor to change router settings, etc. (Do not change anything to your current setup.)

This was posted on Major Nelsons Blog: A small number of people are having issues with incorrect NAT type detection. The team is aware and working hard to resolve it as quickly as possible.

HB

Yes, that's exactly why I paid for live! To have them screw me over when I want to play! Thanks, Microsoft! Yet another fucking lovely product from a fucking lovely company!

SCHOOL DREAD! Hurray 8D

Fri, 24 Aug 2007 12:00:00 -0500

I really am dreading school even though I get back in later than everyone else.

I don't want to have to take gym.. I don't want to change clothes during the day. I'm extremely modest so I'll probably have to change in the bathroom stall.

Community service I'm not so worried about when I came up with the idea to get a job at Deer Forest and then work for no pay (for "community service" anyway).

I don't want to learn how to drive!

I don't want to talk to the counselor who's going to ask me why I haven't picked up the phone and why I didn't register for some stupid college class I didn't even want to join in the first place.

I don't want to have to fumble and find my way around the Vo-Tech center for the first week because I'm foolish.

teh daily ritual

Mon, 20 Aug 2007 12:00:00 -0500

Hopefully my daily ritual September 2007+:

8:00am through 4:00pm - School
8:00am to 9:00am - Gym
9:05am to 10:05am - English 12
10:10am to 11:10am - Current Events
11:15am to 12:00pm - Lunch
12:00pm to 4:00pm - Computer Networking
4:00pm through 7:00pm - Sleep (nap)
7:00pm through 8:00pm - Gears of War
8:00pm through 10:00pm - TCG stuff
10:00pm through 1:00am - Maple Story
1:00am through 2:00am - Ragnarok
2:00am through 7:00am - Sleep

Not much to update with, but something interesting I guess :)

"What is your favorite room in your home and why?"

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 12:00:00 -0500

Writing Prompt #3: What is your favorite room in your home and why?

My favorite room is the living room! Not only because I have a lot of funny memories in here, but also because it's where I spend 97% of my time (1% in my bedroom to sleep, 1% in the bathroom, 1% in the kitchen). It has my TV, my computer, and the bigger TV. It's close to the kitchen and close to the bathroom. I only use the bedroom to sleep, as to try to avoid insomnia (I read it in an insomnia book somewhere: don't use your bed for anything but sleep or sex).

Short one today, but that's because I'm too busy playing games with Matt, haha.

Begin killing me now..

Tue, 31 Jul 2007 12:00:00 -0500

I'm thinking about changing my XBox Live name. Again. For the last time. This is mostly because Manng obviously wants to join AJ's new clan thing and I just don't see the point in having TheOnlyNate anymore-- so, which one of these would all of you there out in LJ land prefer to see me be known as?

01) six Eighteen [I'm not sure if I could even begin to enjoy being called "six" all the time though.]
02) gray scale [I like this one a lot, but I'm not sure if it's already taken. I tried many variations and they all seemed to not be taken but I might be wrong.]
03) F0REV3R [This is probably my favorite out of the three, and the one I will most likely pick unless I can get a really strong argument for one of the other two.]

BTW I will soon be getting a "new" graphics card (AGP Radeon 7500 128MB)-- I already bought it and am awaiting it at my doorstep. May the days fly by. :]

Nevermind! I'm joining MOBCITY so I'm gonna be mobcityMAKOTO.

Annoyances + Thankfulness

Wed, 25 Jul 2007 12:00:00 -0500

Annoyance #1: Dad awakens. Tells me he has to make a doctor's appointment for me, "just to check up". I am up in arms about the idea, screaming in a doctorphobia that there's "nothing wrong with me and I don't need a checkup". I tell him it's a waste of time and money, and he says it doesn't cost anything. I then complain that I'm afraid of the doctor and there's no reason to put me through something I loathe for no apparent reason. He understands.
Annoyance #2: Get on Computer, get on Skype to realize Dale has been on for awhile and he's just been playing Maple so he wasn't on AIM. That annoyed me because I wouldn't've gone and played Gears if I would've known he was online but it doesn't matter anyway because he went to go play Maple when I was online.
Annoyance #3: Finished a kickass graphic only to realize it doesn't work with my journal. Only have small despair because I didn't feel like color coding the CSS anyway. I'll try to find a layout that works with it later...
Annoyance #4: Another subbing group subbed Onna ni Sachi Are without karaoke within a day. This makes me mad because 1) they normally sub ANIME, 2) they suddenly decided they want to sub PVs, 3) they're taking away people that would normally download our releases. But whatevs. It's a really good song.. so whoever wants to sub it can. And may the best subbing group win.
Annoyance #5: If you know me at all, from 12+yrs I lived with my dad. That means, I went through puberty and such when I was with him. I never learned ANYTHING from him. I had to learn everything myself, including shaving my legs. Without saying much I guess everyone will know I'm pretty pisspoor at it. I did an especially horrid time tonight.
Annoyance #6: At first, Steve tried to say they can "only take Danny and me, or just me, not all three of us". For some reason, Tim changed his mind at the last minute. I know that will mean less going out to eat and shopping and stuff but I don't really care: it was fucked up that they wanted to take Danny and not Caleb, and I felt really really really sorry for him. I was so ecstatic when they said they'd take Caleb too.

Thankfulness #1: Video-thief-person's video taken from youtube! Then again, so was mine because AVEX are nazis, and I don't really feel like losing 300 favorites again so I'm trying not to hit "strike three".
Thankfulness #2: . It's such an interesting community and fun to read. It's like the best-of-craigslist only it's updated frequently every day.
Thankfulness #3: Japanese message boards which translate things. 'Cept for the fact that someone insulted me there.. o__o People are weird.
Thankfulness #4: Matt and Amanda who continue to be really good friends, Dale who continues to be a great boyfriend. I want to thank them so much for that.
Thankfulness #5: Onna ni Sachi Are is a great single, reaffirming my faith in the religion that is Tsunkuism. *prays* If he keeps putting out great singles I might have to buy one one of these days!
Thankfulness #6: Mostly everything is going great in my life right now..

I have nothing *truly* to complain about. And for that, I am blessed (by whom, I wonder, considering I'm an atheist?.. maybe Tsunku).

Going to Mom's on Wednesday

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 12:00:00 -0500

I'm going to Mom's on Wednesday.. she said:

1) I can have her "old" computer (which in reality is like a year old) which is good.
2) She will buy me birthday presents.
3) I can drive her new convertible mustang.
4) She will buy me school clothes.

So I was like Whatevs. :| Haha.

Also it's Steve's birthday today. Even though he can't read this I wish him a happy birthday. :] Big 16!

On The Weekend

Sat, 09 Jun 2007 12:00:00 -0500

I went over to Gramma's on Thursday because Steve was over there and I hadn't seen gramma in awhile. I told Dale in AIM that I wouldn't be back until Friday, but he seemed to ignore that and still ask Amanda where I was. That's okay though, because apparently I said I'll probably be back on Friday and he took that as I went over to Amanda's or something. I must've neglected to say I was going to my gramma's. Oops.

Anyway, when I went over to my Gramma's, she told me not to bother to take a shower and to hurry up because we were gonna go to Pirates of the Caribbean 3. But I hurried up and got back and it seems as if she didn't wanna go at that time. I setup my xbox 360 downstairs and went upstairs. She bought a SNES and like 40 games, so I looked through them and found one I liked: Tetris. I played Tetris for what seems like ages while waiting for Steve to get back. He had gone to my aunt's to help put something on the roof, some sort of white material. He slipped and fell in it and got it all over him, and after that he quit and came home. Following that we played a few Guitar Hero II songs along with Zach and then we went to POTC:3. Zach threw a fit in the theater and said he would rather play video games, but Roger forced him to come along anyway. Apparently there was something after the credits but it was retarded anyway, so I felt like I wasted 10 minutes watching the credits. Oh well. The rest of the night was pretty uneventful.

The next day, I was woken up by Zach's pet rabbit in my face licking it. Zach brought his pet rabbit (actually, the school's pet rabbit) home for the summer and was basically abusing it. Everyone felt sorry for it. Anyway I was woken up by it, and bribed Zach to leave me alone by telling him he could play Guitar Hero II. I got up anyway and went upstairs to do basically nothing. I kept playing Steve at Tetris but he couldn't seem to beat my score (because I'm awesome at it). Later that day, we went out to eat with two lesbians o_o. I couldn't tell they were lesbians until it dawned on me when one of them said they played football. I was like, "Oooh...". But the place we ate at was pretty fancy, and I had steak, but I felt like a jackass asking for steak sauce. The bathrooms were weird, they had saloon like doors and I didn't feel like I was covered when I was using it. After that we went home and played a little Monopoly, in which Steve was probably the funniest guy in the world, nearly giving my gramma a heart attack from laughing so hard. My gramma asked me if I wanted to go to Wisconsin Dells for a week, or have $100, and I decided that I'd rather have $100 so she put it in my paypal account. I felt like a jackass there too because she probably wanted us all to have a trip before she died or something, but I still would rather have $100. We also watched some 80s music videos and gramma told us a funny story. She said that she thought she knew that song "Take on Me" when my mom was younger, and so she belted out loudly "COMEEE ON MEEE!" and my mom was like "WHAT ARE YOU SINGING!?". Gramma specifically told me not to write about it in my blog. That's why I am. Heeee.

The next day, I was woken up by Roger saying my dad had "something important to tell me about" and I freaked out, naturally thinking he was sick or hurt or something. I called him back and he said he didn't say anything like that, so I got pissed off at Roger for lying to me to get up. Gramma said I was the one who got up the quickest but that's because I thought my damn dad was hurt, which is an evil and mean way to get someone up. Anyway we ate breakfast and then I came home after that. That's basically all that happened.

When I came back, there was Mad Magazine on my seat and a lot of stuff on my computer, like some genki beam stuff in my email and I had to play Ragnarok with Dale so I had too much to do and was overwhelmed at first. That's what I get for leaving those things alone for like, 2 days.. -___-;

Another school year over...

Sun, 03 Jun 2007 12:00:00 -0500

And yet another school year comes to an end this Thursday. It will be the end of my laziest and easiest year in school, and come next September it will be one of my most difficult. I hate change, and by this time next year, I will have to have..

a driver's license.
a job.
30 hours of community service logged.
gym class finished.
class dues paid.
gone to prom, maybe.
bought graduation things, including senior pictures.
gotten ready to get on my feet as an adult.

I had a talk with my dad today. He was wondering who I talked to on Xbox and on the computer so often, and when he found out that it wasn't Amanda he wondered how much they knew about me. But I'm going to be an adult soon. Anything can happen when I'm out on my own, and I don't intend to stay here much longer after I turn eighteen. He obviously wants me to stay a child forever, but soon I will have my own house and be self-supportive. After I mentioned this he said he would always be paranoid about me. I asked him why he wasn't paranoid about Steve and he said it was because Steve was a guy. That pissed me off. I can probably fend for myself better than Steve! He then said he knew there were freaks out there who pray on guys too, but he said he's just "worried about me".

It makes me think he doesn't trust me. I know what I'm doing and I'm mature enough to handle myself. I wish he would give me more credit, especially as I am going into adulthood and my senior year of high school.

Stress

Thu, 31 May 2007 12:00:00 -0500

Today was very very stressful and tiring to me.

Early this morning around 2 am I left because Dale and Amanda were annoying the hell out of me and upsetting me for laughing at me about lag. LAG! So I just said I was leaving, and left. Apparently Dale was only able to sleep a few hours because of it and I felt really bad, and we'd both put it behind us.

Then I decide I'm going to make up my hour that I owe after school. When I had to make up an hour, I only ended up making up forty minutes and she let us go early. Huzzah.

Almost immediately after that, I got called by my friends to go out for ice cream-- "my treat" said Lydia. We went to Dairy Queen; I got some chocolate strawberry thing that I didn't really like too much but it was good nonetheless. Afterwards we came back to my house and played a little Guitar Hero II and Gears of War before they had to leave. (See pictures at the end of the entry)

That's what got me started on Gears. Today was different than other days, on normal days I would neglect to get on Gears and just go right to Ragnarok Online. But today, I was on Gears: Dale said he had a friend coming over anyway and I wanted to play with them because I'd feel lonely if I was playing RO by myself. Okay, that was fine for a little while.

Until people started getting bitchy.

People were being generally jerk offs. And then Shep mutes me for no apparent reason, along with Valentine and "all the other 'only's except Moaozis, Dale, David, and Sam". What the fuck? Well, I muted him, blocked communications, removed him from my friends list and he's no longer allowed in my games. Fuck that. I don't really give second chances.

And then to top it all off Mom got all drunk and started calling about child support again. I'm not going into it, but the good part is Steve will be visiting Gramma's soon and will bring along Guitar Hero II controller so perhaps we can get some achievements together. Blahhh. (I also spoiled myself by buying Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 for the Xbox 360 arcade. I'm planning on playing it with Steve tomorrow-- he said he wasn't getting back online because of the drama, and I don't blame him.)

All in all, the day wasn't "good" or "bad". It was just "tiring". Thus, after I'm done uploading this pictures I shall sleep.

Fuckers.

(the pictures are all around ~1.5.mb and 1000px wide, make sure your computer can handle it)

All night gears of war a thon is complete!

Sun, 20 May 2007 12:00:00 -0500

I actually went from 2pm to 6am, which is 16 hours. It was all with Dale too, he was the only one that managed to actually last the full time, also he was playing before me! Jeez. Haha. I had a few brief interruptions but that's okay. It generally went really awesome, aside from a few assholes here and there (and with 16 hours of playing you expect to see them!). So.. hm.. I don't have much else to blog about. I might be in Physics next year! We'll see how it goes.

A lot to touch on.

Wed, 16 May 2007 12:00:00 -0500

Venture to Amanda's new house

I went to Amanda's house yesterday (or was it the day before?) and exhausted myself a little. Her computer is really running nicely and I can't say I'm not jealous. I'm also trying to join the card game Genki Beam so I have something to do when I'm bored. I want Amanda to make me a layout for it, considering she made a really cool one for herself, I want her to use that code to make me one too. Whether she will or not, time will tell...

Tsuji is replaced in Gyaruru

Apparently Abe Asami (Abe Natsumi's sister) is replacing Tsuji in Gyaruru. I can't say I'm disappointed: I like her and I think she's cute, but I definitely would've preferred Tsuji.

Changed Xbox username

Some big news: yesterday I changed my name from heartkill to TheOnlyAmber (echoing TheOnlyDale, TheOnlySam, TheOnlyDavid, TheOnlySheep, etc.) Rurak also changed his name from x3 RuRaK to TheOnlyRuRaK and richardkills claims he'll change his name to TheOnlyDick (the best one out of them all!) But because of this, my online stuff broke and I will have to resign up sometime.. I'm too lazy to now.

Boasting on Guitar Hero II + achievement points

I finally finished all the songs on Medium on Guitar Hero II with 5 stars. That, and getting another achievement, boosted me up to +1000 achievement points, finally. It's great to be in quadruple digits.

Bedtime

I've also been going to bed way earlier which may have something to do with my dad being home this week to make sure I'm not going to bed too late.. I've been getting really tired around 11:30pm or so, and I feel kinda bad because Dale always is disappointed (yet that makes me feel wanted!).

School

Also, I finished "To Kill a Mockingbird" (which ended up being a good book) and my Econ study guide (2 weeks early) so I won't have much to do in school. There will be a Battle of the Bands also this Saturday but since Xbox.com says there's a "sunrise-to-sunset Gears of War-a-thon" I might do that instead. I haven't decided... Also I had to sign up for College Accounting, a class I took just to fill the semester, because it was being run by LMC. All this school stuff is a little confusing but at least there will be an "activity day" on the 25th (probably because the following Monday is Memorial Day which we get off). I will kick ass at DDR and GHII. :D

hard drive fried and crashed

Mon, 31 Jan 2005 11:00:00 -0600

my hard drive "fried" and crashed....

i lost openCanvas and Psp7, and they were both .. full versions.. so i can't get them again =/ so no art for awhile =/

an update for the weekend

Mon, 22 Nov 2004 11:00:00 -0600

OK, so here’s my weekend! Well, how it went, anyway.

At the beginning of the weekend, on Saturday (before Amanda came over), Steve, Danny, Caleb, and I were all playing Mario Party 5. It was all good and dandy, even after Amanda came over. Until Steve got his attitude about losing. It seemed he got mad because I kept winning all the mini games, but he obviously was just pretending to be mad so he could quit and jump onto the computer.

What a fucker.

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 12:00:00 -0500

On DC++ it takes HOURS to get a slot to download from someone. I had a slot from a really popular person, which took me about 6 or 7 hours to get, and my brother RESTARTS THE COMPUTER and I lose the slot. I fucking have the urge to hide his memory card for 6 hours, then maybe he'll know how it feels. I'm glad he left or I'm sure I would've went off of him, the fucker.

HA!

Sat, 25 Sep 2004 12:00:00 -0500

I just proved that Amanda doesn't REALLY like j-rock/visual kei. I showed her the "jealous" video for Dir en Grey which is almost 7 minutes long and she sat through 2 minutes and then got so bored (or disgusted) and left. So that's what she gets for getting into an obsession without thinking.

Our night has been fun so far, though...

She came over when dad wasn't home, but I already got permission from him. It started out really fun-- we hadn't seen each other in a couple of weeks so we had missed each other. The fun wore off about an hour in or so . . Shrug. We DID play the personality profiler thing I have. It was fun to see our "personality profiles". But now she's playing Spiderman 2 without a memory card, what a waste of time. =__=;

Other than that, I made a subpage on my domain just to link to this blog. How nice am I? Click. It's just an enter page to this one, but whatever. XD

Now they'll never be able to track me!

Tue, 14 Sep 2004 12:00:00 -0500

Mwaha! Finally. A private blog. I want to thank m-p.net for hosting. I’ll get a layout set up in a second.. Wow. This is spiffy. ^__^

woo

Sat, 08 Feb 2003 11:00:00 -0600

I'm prollly moving to mah crazylife 'cas christine and nIk~nIk are dere... and they let you use stylez!
THEY'RE WAY BETTER THAN LIVEJOURNAL!
runs

KaZaA

Sun, 28 Jul 2002 12:00:00 -0500

Time: 10:29 pm.
Amandas sister, Shelly, came home.
I don't know what to say about this.

Time: 10:26 pm.
Downloading KaZaA.

< edit >
Not anymore.
< / edit >

Time: 10:03 pm.
gah my computer lykes laggin......

Time: 9:38 pm.
Gah, furcadia is confuzleing

Time: 7:59 pm.
bored n stuff..hoping this'll post

Subject: Go say happy birthday.
Time: 4:47 pm.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUNA!!!!!!! GO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HER! GO NOW! I'M FORCING YOU!
GAHHH! WHY HAVEN'T YOU WENT YET?! DON'T YOU CARE?
happy birthday yuna!!!!!!! go say happy birthday to her! go now! i'm forcing you! gahhh! why haven't you went yet?! don't you care?!

< edit >
new layout. i know its a bit soon bUt.. oh well...
my props go to yer_own_names. okie.

bai.

stuck in my head

Fri, 26 Jul 2002 12:00:00 -0500

Time: 8:39 pm.
hey you know off ddr konamix, that song "gimme-your-love by divas"? I have it in my head
yeah went over to moms. had steak and bought blue fuzzy slippys! ^_^ I like the slippys the best.
new layout! HEHEHEHEHE!

COME VISIT MY NEW PAGES!!!!:
my charrie bios
My icon page - icons I've made
Angela sucks. - angela sucks.: Dedicated to my friend, because my friend has trouble with a girl named Angela. Full story there.
My drawings page (request a drawing by emailing me: lynnmaxweil@aol.com) - self explainitory
Character page.. join today! Please! I need members.. - my character page: making a story. COME JOIN COME JOIN COME JOIN AND I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER!!!!!

Thats it for now.

Time: 9:46 am.
Beautiful song callled: Si Il Mio Amer Sta Vincino

If I were how everyone says I am
Then how cruel is God
Who has given me life

Believe me
I'm just a pitiful woman
Who's merely thinking of the man she loves

No
Even if no one believes me
If my beloved is by my side
I would gladly accept any punishment
Please, God
Hear the prayers of this poor woman

Pretty, isn't it? If someone would tell me the code to put music in the background of my lj, I would make it that..

Time: 8:33 am.
from xreflex commented in weamnotpsycho: "this comment has nothing to do with the community, but i'd just like to say thta lulu_mcbrea has THE creepiest icon i've seen. it's almost as scary as well. . .i dunno. . .it's late and i'm tired. yay! hurray for meaningles comments!"

crap It says "Stick with nick, we're having techincal difficulties" and it has spongebobs music playing. THIS IS SCARING ME! Okay its back on now.
Sandys rocket.
Yay.

I'm up at 8:00 am on the computer. Why am I up at 8 am on the computer? Am I nuts?

And someone tell me how to puts music in the background of my journal, its killing me.
Thats it.
Takin icon requests if anyone wants one; no animations.
Awesome.

rpin

Thu, 25 Jul 2002 12:00:00 -0500

Time: 10:25 pm.
rpin wit jessica n amanda roite now

Time: 9:50 pm.
help.....boredism.
plus my dad is mad at me. man..

Time: 9:02 pm.
Quiz Results: I am 57% Internet Addict

I am pretty addicted, but there is hope. I think I'm just well connected to the internet and technology, but it's really a start of a drug-like addiction. I must act now! Unplug this computer!

Time: 8:54 pm.
Taking icon requests. request one now. wwhhheeee.
oh yeah i'm supposed to be shutting up. ^_^

Time: 8:53 pm.
I talk too much! Someone shut me up! Quick like!

Time: 8:49 pm.
BORED BORED BORED
someone IM me at lynnmaxwell @ aol.com
or email me.

Time: 8:36 pm.
uuugh just kill me.
now.

gyeh

Wed, 24 Jul 2002 12:00:00 -0500

Time: 11:14 pm. steals now4evers word.. gyeh.

Time: 11:09 pm. I need lj codes. I need a paid account on lj. Someone help. Be nice. Come on. STILL TRYING TO GIVE AWAY this wun ( i can delete the layout ) AND NOW maybe this wun i dunno

Time: 10:28 pm. Dorky me! I'm going lj crazy today. Well who likes my new lj style? dance on the edge of danger

Time: 10:05 pm. My drawings site is up So far it has Tifa and Aeris of ffvii. Taking requests. Request one by commenting! P.S.: I drew yuffie, but it isn't uploading. >.<';;