psychiatric nightmare

psychs really be like

“you’re severely depressed huh? why don’t you

  1. send an intake email
  2. have a call anyway to get your insurance info and other random shit because God forbid a place just work through email in the year of our lord 2026
  3. fill out a bunch of paperwork with your entire psych, health, and family history (you don’t remember)
  4. do another call to set up an appointment where you fumble around with your calendar and just kinda sigh and accept something a month in the future at some stupid ass time like 2:15pm
  5. wait a month for the appointment while unmedicated, hope nothing comes up at school/work/life suddenly to push the appointment
  6. go to the appointment (if you’re lucky it’s telehealth, if you’re not and need something like Adderall, then you get to do a commute, fight with traffic and parking, etc)
  7. rebuild your entire psych/mental health history AGAIN verbally from memory, because none of the other psychs ever send your history, and God forbid the new one read all the paperwork you filled out
  8. get put on a med you’ve probably had at least semi-successfully before with no issues at a low “starter dose” to restart
  9. schedule another appointment for two weeks
  10. pay a bunch of money for the appointment
  11. go to the pharmacy, realize once you get there that the prescription they tried to give you isn’t covered by insurance despite the insurance website saying it is
  12. call insurance and they tell you some bullshit like “oh we just have different negotiated rates with that pharmacy for that particular med”
  13. have another fucking ad-hoc call with the psych to send a different med
  14. repeat 11-13 until you find one that is actually covered
  15. repeat step 5-14 every few weeks, adding/removing/adjusting meds for all of your concerns

good luck! memory loss? executive dysfunction? energy/motivation? idk bro sounds like a skill issue.”

like it’s no fucking wonder I haven’t been medicated in over a year. I keep dropping one of the steps bc they’re all impossibly insurmountable when you’re battling multiple severe mental illnesses. this entire runaround is designed by neurotypical people with the assumption that the people trying to navigate it are also neurotypical.

a more cynical person (me) would say the entire system is designed specifically to keep you from seeking care because then insurance actually needs to pay out.

Transcribed 2025-05-18

Alisia,

another day. another nothing to note. you are playing expedition 32. rip robert pattinson.

had a good nap. worked a little bit, yay overtime. worked on the zhegao ship build, about 1/3 of the way through.

i was moody today, but you took it in stride. so, thank you. i have just been ruminating on stupid stuff. worried about you. and everything. im not much of the anxious type. maybe everything is starting to even affect me. weirdly. i dont know. im sure i will get over it. sooner than later.

nothing else to say. next weekend is tattoo expo. maybe we can go. if we feel up to it. long drive though. especially when we are about to start ketamine therapy for you here soon. so we will see.

Love you more

today was fine i guess

today was fine. nothing really happened. heard that next wknd, we will need to get up early to take Phil to some church thing. not looking forward to that.

we will get our ipad tomorrow, which i am looking forward to. we don’t buy electronics very often so we always look forward to the new ones.

last week with gabby as manager too. which sucks, she is an awesome manager. we will miss her.

horses next week too. the coming months will be boring w/not much spending. but oh well.

Transcribed 2022-07-17

journaled for 30 days in a row. wow haha. pretty impressive.

had a weird dream while napping. about a guy stalking and raping us. not a very good dream. how annoying.

i don’t want to go back to work tomorrow. we have a lot of training happening this coming week. boo.

too lazy to learn new things. just want to keep the status quo.

Transcribed 2022-07-07

just want the weekend to come already. its friday tomorrow at least. we plan to go to a festival called umamifes this weekend. should be fun. had horses today which was also, fun.

even though this was supposed to be a “light” week at work. it felt busy. if only anna would actually carry her weight. it wouldn’t be as bad. but she’s useless. as usual.

also worried about money. how will we ever afford to live. it’s a mystery.

Transcribed 2022-07-06

ugh so annoyed at work. they need to actually correct me properly if they are going to correct me. damn it.

nothing else happened today. just took a nap and had our labs drawn. so annoying that we have to do that every 3 months.

um… yeah, i’m just in a bad mood tonight. angry at everything. what’s new.

Transcribed 2022-06-30

getting paid tomorrow but already annoyed about it, because i know we will have to spend all our money right away. and can’t really indulge for several months.

At least we will get our septum pierced this wknd- looking forward to that.

Transcribed 2022-06-26

today was very sleepy. mostly just slept. what a great way to spend a sunday.

unfortunately alisia hasn’t been feeling too good today, so we didn’t really get to do much together. i hope by sleeping, she will feel better.

not ready to go back to work yet… sigh haha.

Transcribed 2022-06-22

Work was productive today. but i felt tired all day and slept in later than usual. i accidentally have therapy tomorrow because she scheduled us for this week instead of next week. i don’t know what to talk to her about. maybe we will come up with something.

Transcribed 2022-06-16

i am so excited. to go to Schlitterbahn. tomorrow. i can’t wait. i’m nervous too. i don’t know how it will go. i think i will have fun. but also i will be blind. haha.

after that is. our birthday. i don’t know what Elias + Them got us. i am very curious. i’m happy for the. three day weekend. and looking forward. to the weekend.

Transcribed 2019-10-19

today i am grateful for:

Funny new skeleman (mr bones)

good food

our fridge

we got our fridge. and can i just say it’s amazing. i love it. for the first time in my life i am looking forward to food shopping.

haha, i am very happy. we also went to the halloween store. that was really fun. i cant wait to go again next year. and maybe dress up next year.

i am not sure i have very much else to say.

Transcribed 2019-07-14

we went to incredible pizza this past weekend + it was very fun. i will want to go back sometime. but it made me miss dave and busters too.

not much else going on besides what happened a few weeks ago. went from 204 lb to 196 lb in the first week. nice water weight haha.

Transcribed 2019-07-07

i am only writing in this because we are having trouble going to sleep. lots of stuff keeping me up. took a nap earlier + regretting it. because it’s now 10:30 and i have to be up at 5. thinking about how we are back on Weight Watchers. and how we are moving soon. which is nerve wracking and i hope it goes alright. future self - how was moving??

elias gave us $50 for our birthday. thinking about getting truly wireless headphones. haven’t decided.

things have been good. got a job at welocalize. both of us did.

we have some real friends now. which is nice. hannah, evanjelyn, abby + lani. they are all super cool. i think our friendship will out last this job. i mean evanjelyn is already leaving. her last day is this Friday.

anyway. i think that’s it. i’m mostly just worried about moving and the logistics of it, but i know it will get done. and probably when the next time we update we will have moved.

shitty handwriting sorry.