Momoiro Sparkling sucks

I just want to rant about this piece of crap for a minute.
Go ahead, listen to it. Come back when you're done, I'll wait. ... Done? Okay. Here's my thoughts on it: BIG GIANT PIECE OF CRAP.

I think C-ute was going in the right direction when they released Kiss Me Aishiteru. Chisato gets the most lines... on a really poor song. It doesn't really matter whether she gets the most lines or not if I'm never going to listen to the damn song. I could understand Morning Musume going in this direction. Their average age just got a lot younger. But why is C-ute? Why? There is no particular reason. Their last two singles were their best selling singles, and all of a sudden, Tsunku is shooting himself in the foot again by releasing this ~upbeat genki~ crap.

He always fucking does this. Whenever there's a good single, he completely turns around after that and releases a big giant turd. I just don't understand why C-ute is being reverted back to Shochuu/La La La land? It's not like genki songs sell any better than cool songs...

Sales number comparison

Genki songs
  • Sakura Chirari 26,595
  • Meguru Koi no Kisetsu 26,785
  • LALALA Shiawase no Uta 31,650
  • Shochuu 33,613
  • Everyday Zeikkouchou 27,750
  • Campus Life 23,932
Cool/dance songs
  • Tokaikko Junjou 38,085
  • Namida no Iro 33,422
  • Forever Love 29,144
  • Bye Bye Bye 27,918
  • Shock 23,389 (sold poorly because it was an Airi fest, I think)
  • Dance de Bakoon 23,664
  • Aitai Lonely Christmas 26,238
  • Kiss Me Aishiteru 23,648
WTF hybrid songs that I'm just going to leave out:
  • Edo no Temari Uta II 35,789
Genki song average sales: 28,388
Cool/dance songs average sales: 28,189

They are practically the same, give or take a few hundred copies (which is normal margin of error, I think). I'll be honest, I thought the cool songs sold a lot more, so... I guess I proved to myself that it doesn't matter what style of song it is; it's probably going to sell the same (sadly enough)*

So, what is Tsunku thinking? I have a couple of theories:
  1. Kiss Me Aishiteru was a lot of work to create. He'd rather fall back on something easy now (with less complex instrumental work).
  2. He's not making any more sales from cool songs anyway, so he's not going to go through the effort.
  3. He genuinely thinks that this song will sell big. (Um... generic pop crap? That hasn't sold big since 2000.)
  4. He's going to start converting ALL the groups back to genki in a desperate grab for the golden era.
  5. It costs less to produce a genki song (less to pay the choreographer, mixer, etc.) I don't know about whether that's true or not.
  6. The most likely culprit: It's summer, so he's releasing genki, let's-go-to-the-beach crap.
For the record: I have nothing against this style of song WHEN IT'S DONE WELL. Momoiro Sparkling is both generic and given to the wrong group. Giving a cutesy, upbeat song to C-ute not only undermines all the hard work they've done to be taken as the young women they are, but it also wastes away their dancing and singing talents.

Blah. Here's hoping Berryz' next single is 'cool' style so H!P isn't in a trifecta-of-crap song era.

The crap song funk happened last year around this time, too:
  • Morning Musume released Seishun Correction (breaking their streak of awesomeness, worst selling single since Mikan in 2007)
  • C-ute released the borefest that is Campus Life
  • Berryz released Maji Bomber (worst selling single since 2007)
  • s/mileage released Ganbaranakutemo Eenende!! (far inferior to Yumemiru 15)
  • Mano Erina proved to be the exception to the rule and released her best single to date, Onegai Dakara
Let's not repeat last summer, shall we, Tsunku? (Except for the Mano Eri thing. Go ahead and repeat that.)

*(editor note 2025: yes, it sold around the same as everything else in that era: 23,961)

I FOUND C-UTE'S SONG

Remember how I was ranting in the last post? I found the song that was supposed to be C-ute's.

It's the b-side to s/mileage's new single!

It's bad ass. What happened? What did C-ute do to get this awesome song taken away from them?

(I'm just joking. This song is awesome, though. Too bad it's the b-side.)

(editor note: i don't know what song this is talking about because the link was dead and too lazy to see what s/mileage was doing at this time period)

blah blah blah

I feel like ranting because... yeah, whatever, I guess. I know everyone's under a lot of pressure, so it feels a little selfish to be complaining, but I'm doing it anyway. I had a couple places that I could have posted this... tumblr is too open and I don't trust my personal diary not to shit out on me and lose important entries. SO. It's going here.

This isn't going to have any coherence or even relatively good transitions. I'm just rambling; I'm not trying to write a paper for English.

I've been having nightmares like crazy lately. Stuff about my mom mostly, but sometimes it's about other stuff. I don't know why, but it drives me batty.

I've been sleeping... so much. Ten, eleven hours a day. It feels kind of like I'm just sort of floating by. Or life is just passing me by. For the past week, I've set my alarm for certain times... and I've woke up about thirty minutes before every time I set my alarm for. Then I'll roll over, and adjust my alarm for another hour. Because of this, I've been way oversleeping.

Life just... slowly passes me by. I find enjoyment in very few things. I wish I could enjoy more things. Everything costs money, though. And I'm not good at anything that wouldn't cost me money. I'd kill to be able to draw well, but it seems that I'm horrible at seeing something and copying it, so I can't learn anatomy well. Singing... just reminds me of my FAAB status. Not to mention any singing projects I'm in love to say "girls" and trigger the shit out of me. And I don't want to say anything, 'cause I don't want to be a burden.

I used to enjoy H!P and stuff like that... But now? I just sort of. I don't even know why I follow it. I don't, really. I check the Hello!Online twitter every so often. It's never news that interests me. It's always rambling on about -group I don't care about is releasing a new single- or -person I don't care about is releasing a new photobook-. Even if I did care as much as I used to, I can't fully participate in the H!P experience because I simply don't have money. I can't wota it up because I'm broke.

All I have is... pirated games and music? Wow. Way to be, you fucking loser. Can't even support your favorite artists or developers. And when you had money, you pissed it away on a computer instead of mental health or physical health or something important. Good going.

I feel like I'm depressed, and no one even knows. I do a pretty good job of hiding it most of the time, but I feel down a lot. Pretty much constantly. I feel happy sometimes, but most of the time it's just washed away in sadness. I'm starting to wonder if I bring it upon myself... Or if I'm just being over dramatic.

My dad always is quick to remind me that I'm over dramatic. Whenever I ever complain about something, he says I'm being over dramatic. Yet he tries to say that he's there to listen to me...? Yeah, right. I don't even want to know his reaction when he finds out I'm trans. OMG ATTENTION HORE WHAT ARE YOU DOING? He's fucking horrible for even pretending to care about my problems. If he doesn't consider them to be problems, it's easier to just ridicule me.

Sometimes, I just want to cry. Sometimes, I just want people to listen to me cry and tell me that I'm not over reacting. And I do have a few friends that do that for me.

But I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about this... It's not my friends/family's fault. I feel if I talked to anyone, they would just tell me I was being over dramatic. I'm always feeling like a burden, but especially lately. I feel like I'm just an annoyance in everyone's life... and talking about my problems would just be more of an annoyance. I know it's probably not true, but whenever I talk to someone, I can practically feel their annoyance with me. Like, I'm just wasting their time. I wouldn't blame anyone if they felt that way, but constantly feeling like this is seriously taking a drain on me. I don't like even asking people questions because I feel like I'm wasting their time.

But when was the last time I had a hug? I can't even remember. Maybe six months ago, when I was moving out from my dad's at first?

I'm so flaky. I can't ever choose one thing or the other. I always do things for a little bit of time, and then I move on to something else. I couldn't even hold a job down for a month. And then I moved in with Amanda for a month, then I came back. I get interested in things and then I quickly lose interest. I'm jealous of people who can have interests for more than a month or two.

What makes me feel the worst is complaining about money problems-- especially when I know people have it worse. Just... It's about to get a lot worse now that Amanda doesn't have food stamps. That's all there is to it. This stupid fucking horrible country. I fucking hate it.

I feel so worthless right now. I have for the past few months. I feel like I'm tipping over the edge of desperation, and I don't even know why. I don't even have it that bad. I have friends and family that love me, a steady home, and I'm working on bettering myself in college. So why do I feel so helpless and useless? I don't want to sound emo-- well, you know what. Fuck it. This is my journal, and whoever doesn't like it can bite me. I'm just going to write what I want.

I feel like self-reflection brings a tidal wave of guilt and unhappiness. I realize how fucking useless I am, and how god damn insignificant my life is-- and it fucking sucks. I feel like I'm drowning, and no one is offering to help me out of this incoming tsunami of self-hatred and depression.

And it's not even their fault. My friends and family don't even know. I won't let them help me. When I was a child, I had to do everything for myself. I'm so used to doing everything for myself, I don't like seeking help. I always chant to myself, "I'll be okay. I'll be fine. It's not a big deal." It's like a fucking ritual with me. It's like I have too much pride to admit "I might not be fine. This might not be okay. The quality of my life is hurting and upsetting me."

I have trouble admitting when something is a big deal. I don't know why. If it's something someone did to me, it's probably because I don't want them to feel bad about it. If it's something that just happened, I don't want people to tell me I'm over reacting.

Maybe it's because I was always praised for being so mature when I was a kid. When I refused to get in the car when my mother was drunk (which consequently led to her arrest), people around me told me, "Wow. You are so mature." And a lot of people who knew what my childhood was like tell me that I am really strong and mature for not having anything wrong with me.

ALL THEY ARE DOING IS VALIDATING MY CHOICE TO HIDE MY MENTAL PROBLEMS. And I write this, and I know it's wrong to try to hide them. But somewhere, there's a disconnect. I blame it on lack of money, but when I had money, I didn't get help. Why? Maybe I like people thinking I'm strong. I'm just a weak, weak person that crumbles under the slightest bit of pressure. I don't want people to know that.

I think my hypersensitivity to things that some people can take (like the music blasting next door...) is actually because I'm depressed and hypersensitive.

I'm not even a little independent. And that is killing me, too. All I can do is drive by myself. Big fucking deal. I'm still sucking from my dad's paycheck for gas money. I'm still a fucking child, that's all I am.

I don't want to take these things out on the people around me. I feel that sometimes, I do. I don't want to. I just wish I knew exactly what was wrong.

I'm a negative, horrible person. I'm bossy and I'm bitchy. I'm nitpicky. I'm quick to tell someone to do something, but slow to do it myself. Which also makes me a hypocrite. I can practically feel people avoiding me so they don't get sucked into my vortex of negativity and depression. "No one wants to be around a negative person!" (Thanks for that complex, Supervision class.)

I just want to cry. What the fuck is wrong with me?

I need help. Please, someone help me.

Blonde Takahashi

She looks so much more fabulous like this. My god. I am so jealousss. I wish she would have had this hair throughout all of her time in H!P!

Happy late birthday, Risako

Happy birthday, Risako! Well, her birthday was technically yesterday, but. I never will pass up an opportunity to put a nice picture of her on here! She's looking very natural and pretty here, and I love this image~ So happy birthday! Enjoy it <3

(editor note: picture lost to time)

LJ App for iPod Touch

So Uh. The livejournal app for iPod touch is pretty solid. I'm not sure why it has such poor reviews in the app store. I guess because it's like a basic note screen? I'll have to go read the reviews after this to see what people are complaining about.

Though knowing lj I'm surprised there aren't any ads on this.

Oh and just so this entry has a little substance: I finished my excel/access/word torture classes today. Now whether I passed or not... I don't know. The grading system is mysterious and since I have only seen the teacher's many teaching aids, I'm not entirely sure he even exists.

It's gonna suck going back to school though. Especially when my first class is with a horrible teacher that manages to make me hate something that, under normal circumstances, I love. :c

oh wow this is super late

I should check LJ more often. Still doing new years survey thingie. BECAUSE I WANT TO. JEEZ

2010


Name: Nathaniel
Screen name: vanillainfused/magneticdeath
Current location: Watervliet, Michigan
Birth date: 18 June 1990
Sign: Gemini [fuck yeah twins]

2010 In The Beginning......


Where did you ring in the New Year? Home
Who were you with? Think it was just me in 2010
Did you kiss anyone at midnight? ;_; no
Did you make any resolutions? No
If so did you keep them? lol

2010 Your Love Life....


Single/Taken? Taken~
How many relationships did you have? Just the one
How many break ups? None
How many people did you kiss? None


2010 Friends and Enemies......


Did you meet any new friends this year? Not really
Did any of your friendships end? They come and go
Did you dislike anyone? Yep
Did you get into any fights? Yeah
Did you make any new enemies? Dunno, probably not
Did you resolve any fights? Short-term ones
Who was your closest friend? Without a doubt it was/is Julie

2010....The Holidays!


Did you have a Valentine? See above question
Did the Easter bunny visit you? Dad is the easter bunny and he brings Easter chocolate cheer
Did watch fireworks on the 4th of July? No
Did you dress up for Halloween? Yeah, Hannibal. Lazy costume though, just the mask
What did you do for Thanksgiving? Absolutely nothing
Did you receive what you wanted? Didn't really want much haha
Were you good this holiday season? I've been a very naughty boy~ (lol)

2010 Your BIRTHDAY!!!


How old did you turn? 20
Did you have a cake? No
What did you do for your birthday? Went out to eat
Did you have a party? No
Did you get any presents? Couple :D

2010......The Memories and Accomplishments!


Funniest Memory? I can't single one out...
Saddest Memory? Dunno if I've had something bad enough to say 'saddest'. Not like anyone died, right
Most Embarrassing Memory? I hardly get embarrassed anymore lol
Best Accomplishment? Beginning college (does that count), getting myself unafraid of driving, honors GPA

2010.....FAVORITES!


Favorite TV shows? The Office
Favorite songs? Master of Puppets by Metallica (same old same old)
Favorite bands? Metallica, anything H!P
Favorite food? Lasagna. 2010 was year of the lasagna. <3
Favorite stores? I don't shop that much
Favorite restaurants? Any really
Favorite piece of clothing? Bad ass t-shirts (vidya gaems, Metallica)

2010.....All about YOU....


Did you change at all this year? Yes
Did you dye your hair? Highlights
Did you get your hair cut? Yes (need a new one too)
Did you change your style? Yes
Were you in school? Yes
Did you have a job? For like two seconds
Did you drive? Yes!! And it's a huge accomplishment that I finally am not afraid anymore
Did you own a car? Yes, 1994 Mitsubishi Galant (Maroon)
Did you lose anyone this year? No
Did anyone close to you give birth? No
Did you move at all? No
Did you go on any vacations? Lol yeah right
Did you leave the country at all? No
Would you change anything about yourself now? Not really

2010.....Wrap Up.


Was 2010 a good year? Yes
Do you have any regrets? I think I did some stupid things, however, I don't regret because it's best to focus on the future rather than on the past
Did 2010 bring any new insights? Some...
Do you think 2011 will top 2010? Probably not, lol. Wake me up when 2012 rolls around~
Do you have any goals for 2011? Get an iPod touch (lol). Also cram as many classes as I can into each semester so I can get school done and over with
If you could relive any moment which would you choose? Don't really have a particular one
If you could forget any moment what would it be? Quite a few. Depression, arguments, etc.
Do you wish 2010 wouldn't end? No. Then I would *never* graduate
Do you plan to do anything special for NYE 2010? Oops. Didn't do anything anyway, lol

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
-College
-Bought *my own* car
-Moved out of my dad's (even though it only lasted like a month)
-Turned into not-a-teenager!
-Gambled at the casino
-Wore a binder
-Probably lots more, I just don't remember

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No and no. I don't need the new year to have goals~

3. Did someone close to you give birth?
I'm going to have to ask your lazy ass to scroll up and read my previous answer.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No

5. What countries did you visit?
lol u funny

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
A dick. (Wishful thinking, yo)

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I'm not a good 'dates' person

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Scroll up and read somewhere up there

9. What was your biggest failure?
Quitting my job. (but it led to college, so. not that bad)
Also being a jackass to Julie. Sorry bb

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
My pool injury! Haha (a little cut i got playing pool). Nothing serious though

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Probably my car. It's been the most useful at least.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Julie - Graduating HS and joining college
My dad - Got a job
Amanda - Switched her degree into something she will actually enjoy
Steve - Got a job (though he doesn't have one now)
There's probably more, just don't remember

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Too many to list

14. Where did most of your money go?
Food

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
New MM members, getting lots of money in October 2010

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
4minute - HUH (the song Amanda was playing when 2010 ended)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or hardened? happier- i'm actually doing something for my future (college)
ii. thinner or fatter? feel thinner, but in reality, the same
iii. richer or poorer? probably poorer because i'm actually in debt now. lol

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Having actual fun and not wasting time (but most of the time that requires money)

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Arguing. And studying (turns out I didn't need it)

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I never really celebrate Christmas

22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
You're like, 2 years late, survey

23. Any one-night stands?
Haha no

24. What was your favorite TV program?
The Office (again.)

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nope

26. What was the best book you read?
Me, read books? u funnie

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Korean pop

28. What did you want and get?
Money lol

29. What did you want and not get?
flag in my arms hngggh

30. Favorite film of this year?
Saw too many to pick

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
20, went out to eat (already answered this too)

32. What kind of things would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More money

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Lazy (as usual)

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Koharu Kusumi, maybe. (you are missed from MM ;~;)

36. What political issues stirred you the most?
A bunch. Politics generally irritates me because people are stupid

37. Who do you miss?
Steve (actually seeing him rather than talking to him online)

38. Who was the best new person you met?
I don't meet new people rly

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
Sometimes you don't always know what you want, but everything will work out in the end

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
This was a triumph
I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS
(lol)

haven't updated in a while

i haven’t updated in awhile, and unfortunately i’m about to go to school so i can’t update now. however i will leave you with a promise that i’ll update later, and a strange tidbit of my dream last night: my mom was chasing me around with a needle, trying to vaccinate me. ??

anyway, i’ll update later~

hey

so I'm not dead! Actually just had a birthday a few days ago. Had a month-long stay at Amanda's, moving back. Enrolled in college. Actually, that's a lot of new information. I really need to update this thing more properly when I have the time. D:

embarking

i haven't updated this in a year, i know. it doesn't matter though. it's a private journal and i can update it when i want.

i quit my job at wal-mart and will be going to college at kvcc. this is a new journey for me. it's something i feel i have to do, even though people might not understand it.

i think i'll enjoy my new freedom. a lip piercing, maybe a tattoo. and i'll be able to see flag in the winter time. that will be absolutely amazing and make everything worth it. even though i'll be in debt, i don't even care. it's worth it.

orientation

So… I had Wal-mart cashier orientation from 1-5 today. It was just the beginning, I guess I’m actually doing the computer questions tomorrow, and then maybe register practice on Sunday, and then start work on Monday? That’s not exactly what they told me, I’m just guessing about that but that makes sense.

I got there about a half hour early and sat waiting. There were 6 people besides me; 3 girls and 4 guys. When we went into the room, we got nametags. I had trouble finding the letter “A” so it took me five minutes just to wait for people to get finished with the new sheet. After that, we were lectured about some of the rules.

Some interesting things to note, that I learned:
- I’ll be promoted to permanent after three months if I don’t suck total ass
- The uniform is basically just a navy blue shirt (any style) and brown pants (any style)
- We get three days of unexplained absence before we’re fired. The lady said it was pretty much impossible to get fired unless you REALLY tried. They give you so many strikes.
- I’ll probably be working during the day because the garden center closes at 9pm

Then, we went out and took a small tour of the place. I’m just glad I’m not working in the back because it is HUGE and very confusing in the back. I found out that I’m going to be working basically in a greenhouse, which is going to SUCK ASS in the middle of June. I’m seriously going to be sweating.

After that, we went back into the training room and watched two of the most boring videos in existence. The first one was talking about how AMAZING it was to be a ~Wal-mart Associate~ (they call them Associates, not Employees) and then talked about how they have some “Open Door” policy where you can talk to anyone in management for whatever reason at any time. They said it wasn’t necessary to form a union because of this. Made me roll my eyes, but whatever. It was only 5 minutes long.

The next video was 20 minutes long, and considering the subject matter, that was excruciatingly long. The subject matter was… proper procedure for cleaning up spills. A 20 minute video about just that. I was pretty much falling asleep during it. I could see some guy texting even though the person specifically said not to.

After that, we played a really dumb board game. Basically everyone was rolling our eyes at how ridiculous it was. By the end of it, we weren’t even reading the “chance” cards that were supposed to teach us about customer service. We were just trying to get through it.

Then we were given a packet. We were supposed to run around the store finding things. I ended up going with the other Lawn & Garden cashier they hired. This was probably one of the most informative things I did, but not because of the packet. It was more because we stopped into the lawn & garden section and asked the woman who worked there how it was. Learned a few things there too:

- She started 2 weeks ago, but she’s gotten 40 hours even though she’s supposed to be ‘temp’
- It’s slow right now but it’s supposed to get busier during summer
- What you do during slow time is basically fix the way stock looks, clean up, and water plants

After that, we were released and I was told I had to come back at 1-5pm. Then I hopped over to Goodwill to buy myself at least one uniform for work. Ended up being $8, just a blue shirt and brown pants.

/edit, last part deleted because I misunderstood my dad. He only expects me to save 400-500 a month which gives me 300 to basically do whatever I want. I hope….

Because kissing ass doesn't work anymore.

I woke up today to this PM:

"If you're receiving this message, I regret to say that you did not pass the auditions for Generation 5 of Hana Project.

It was a very difficult decision in the end, and even more than with Round 1 we had to nitpick like crazy to come up with our final nine Gen 5 members. Some of you getting this PM are absolutely fantastic vocalists, and I don't want you to think for a second that we didn't choose you because we don't recognize your vocal ability. When I said that the auditions are 10% vocals and 90% everything else, it was truer than ever this time around. We had to narrow it down in the end to the girls who we felt this time fit the best with us in all respects.

It was very close and I sincerely hope that all of you will audition next time around. You made a huge accomplishment getting to Round 2 in the first place, and if you got there, we feel very strongly about your voice already.

Feel free to hang around the forums for as long as you like. Coming to know all of you has been awesome and we'd hate to lose touch.

Good luck to everyone for next time, and thank you for auditioning!

` Sayuri"

I didn't get into HanaProject. Which means I pretty much just wasted two months kissing ass. Yes, I was kissing ass. I didn't say ANYTHING negative to the leader. Every dub was commented with "omg this is awesome! so good desu!" even though, for the most part, I heard lots of flaws in everything. And I'm a bitch. Trust me, it pains me to be completely nice 100% of the time for 2 whole months.

I was probably put through to the second round to avoid drama, in fact. I know for a fact that there was another auditioner that was put through to avoid drama, so I could see that happening with me too. But if that was the case, why bother? If they didn't want me, then they shouldn't have let me in to round 2. I could have not done an interview and not done lines, then.

You know what's fucked up? HALF of the people in round 2 got in. Yup. 9 people. The difference between me and the other people who didn't get in? THEY DIDN'T WASTE TWO FUCKING MONTHS KISSING ASS.

I want to know why I didn't get in, but I'm not going to ask. Considering I got past the first round, it was either the fact that they didn't like my voice, or they didn't like my interview. I'm pretty sure I answered the interview questions 'correctly', or as correctly as I could have. Apparently my personality wasn't 'up to snuff' enough for them, so.

I dunno. I guess I'm just butthurt because I was confident I'd get let in. This is just another disappointment. I didn't get the job, I didn't get the part in HanaProject, etc. Life is pretty much disappointment after disappointment for me; I should just start getting used to it.

In other news, a completely random blogger reviewed a few of my dubs: MY BOY and Pira! Otome no Negai. Pretty strange. She was nice, but it's not enough to make me feel better.

stealing.

I really hate how people say that if you download an album and don't buy it, you're "stealing profits" from the record company. Or, more accurately, they point the finger and yell "THIEF!"

In order to steal something, it has to be a commodity. If I went into Best Buy and stole an iPod, I would be robbing them out of $300 profits. I'd be stealing from them. But mp3s are not stealing because they are not a commodity. Mp3s can be replicated however many times. It's sharing, not stealing.

Then RIAA or whatever tries to say they stole "potential profit". Wtf? The record companies assume that 1 illegal download = 1 lost sale. But that's not necessarily true. How many times have people downloaded music and absolutely hated it? I know I have. I'm not going to run out and buy an album that I hate. Just because someone downloads something doesn't necessarily mean they would have bought it if the internet wasn't around. The "potential profit" argument is bullshit.

I do agree that, morally, if you have the money and listen to the album often, you should buy it. I would buy all the albums I listen to often if I actually had ANY spare money, and actually plan on doing so once I get a job. Dad's like "why would you do that? you have them on the computer." but I really want to support the artist, plus I like having the physical CD.

I just don't think that we should be buying CDs we haven't even tried. Why would you run out and buy a CD if you'd never heard the tracks? What if it totally sucks? That doesn't seem like a good way to spend money. Not to mention, buying a crappy CD is encouraging the people who make the music to make more like that, at least in the case of UFA and other profit-hungry organizations.

And honestly? H!P fans are screaming "Buy the album! Support MoMusu!", but honestly? It's very, very mediocre to me. I'm not going to spend hard earned money on an album that doesn't absolutely captivate me.

Guess I'm just a con artist.

bitch, whine, and complain

looking back at my previous entries, the rare few times that i *DO* update (one a month at the most), all i do is bitch on this thing lololol

well, bitching and surveys. I HAVE A SURVEY I'M GOING TO DO LATER SO LOOK FORWARD TO IT!

but seriously. i need to update with like... life stuff. i haven't updated in forever, even though nothing new is really going on with my life...

i'm half in a band and my brother moved out, i guess that's something. the empty bedroom is so weird, and we're cleaning up all the stuff. the house is practically getting emptied, which i prefer. i haaaaate clutter, which is why i hate staying in a room that's like, 6 feet by 15 feet. CLAUSTROPHOBIAAAA

oh well, not much i can do about it. i might steal the bigger bedroom in a few months since steve isn't staying there anyway and my dad sleeps on the couch due to lack of extra bed.

inappropriate response

i was playing an online pictionary game with a person who i thought was my friend. i've known him for a few years.

it basically went down like this:

him: *draws horribly malformed picture* (looks like this)
me: *going by the clue of _h_ ___t ___pp_r, i guess "the last popper?" keep in mind his NEW FRIEND DESU guessed "the last runner" and didn't get shit for it*
him: omg. you are so stupid.
me: ...stop making fun of me
-game continues on, a bit later-
him: your guesses are so dumb, it's hard not to make fun of you!
me: i'm still winning, lol (i had 10 wins, he had 3)
him: omg, big deal, amber. 10 gold medals in an online game. get a life, you fat fuck. (almost a direct quote)

ONE OF THESE THINGS IS NOT LIKE THE OTHER.

(god forbid i can't make out his horribly, horribly shitty excuses for 'drawings', amirite?)

understandably, i left. i just said "i'm leaving" and closed out.
he IMs me saying "why'd you leave?" and i just said "because you're an ass. going to bed. night."

SERIOUSLY? is he that stupid? (it doesn't surprise me)

i tried to keep my response game-related. even though he was calling me stupid, all i pointed out was that my 'stupid guesses' were winning the game. then he got all butthurt and decided to make a personal jab at me. AND HE STILL CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT HE DID WRONG. i even asked him to stop earlier in the game because i know how petty/bitchy/catty he can get (worst than any girls i've ever met)

i didn't start calling him stupid. i didn't call him slightly less fat than me but still massive (his bmi is TWO points lower). i didn't say he was a tease for so deliberately flirting with someone when he already had a boyfriend. i didn't say he's a spoiled little rich kid who gets whatever he wants when he cries to mommy about it. all of these are true, but i knew the realm of appropriate response was game trash talking him back.

making an already stressed out supposed "friend" cry through making fun of them ftw, i suppose. i was so upset/shocked because i didn't think it was going to go that way, and i thought he was my friend. i usually don't expect that kind of behavior/talk from someone i consider to be my 'friend', so the tears were just as much out of shock as they were out of upsetness.

i have asked him and everyone else not to call me by my real name and he deliberately started calling me by it when he was pissed. most likely? i cried because of someone calling me by my name rather than the fat thing. i'm secure in my fatness but at the moment i am NOT secure in my gender and calling me by my name really, really bothers me. yes, to the point where i will burst into tears when referred to as 'amber', and the female pronoun is getting that way too. way to be, asshole.

he's going to have to apologize big time if he wants to keep my friendship, and even then? he's going to be on thin ice for a LONG TIME. he's officially jumped from 'friend i can trust with secrets who will never deliberately hurt me' to 'guy i kinda know that i talk to sometimes that i wouldn't trust as far as i can throw'.

good luck climbing back up there, man. it took you years before, and it's going to take you even longer now.

another survey

Name: [REDACTED]
Straight/gay/bi? It’s complicated. I guess effectively gay, but technically pansexual.
Single? Nope, and I wouldn’t give her up for the world ♥
Birth date: 18 June 1990
Height? 5'2''
Eye colour: Green
Happy with it? Actually, I’d rather them be blue. I’ve always wanted blonde hair and blue eyes, but I can’t stand contacts so I can’t help that.
Pets? A gecko named Mitsuo
Piercings? My ears, if they’re even still pierced. They’re probably closed up~ I want to get my lip pierced as well, just haven’t gotten around to it.
Tattoos? Nope. Still considering whether I want one or not… Probably will be considering it for quite a few years. I’m not in a hurry to go ink my skin permanently.
Obsessions? Metallica, Hello!Project, facebook games/ragnarok/games in general, computer

What is the compliment you get most from people? That I have nice eyes, oddly enough. I remember someone once told me that I have “perfect” lips, as in they’re not too Angelina Jolie thick and they aren’t paper thin.
Can you sing? I’d like to think so.
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself? There are a lot of things I know that I could improve upon, personality-wise. As for physically, I like myself pretty much fine.
What do you like the most about your body? My face.
And the least? Hm.. my weight, maybe? Even though I’ve come to terms with that a long time ago.

DO YOU?
- Smoke? Nope
- Do drugs? Nope
- Read the newspaper? No, just digg.com haha
- Pray? Nope
- Go to church? Nope
- Talk to people even though you hate them? I don’t “hate” people, so this is a fundamentally flawed question. But if I need to talk to someone I dislike, I won’t let my feelings come in the way. But if I don’t have to, then no
- Drive? I can, but I don’t
- Like to drive fast? Naw, I’m pretty much like an old lady
- Like your voice? Not really. I think I sound incredibly nerdy. It’s not as bad when I’m just talking, but when I hear a recording of myself it’s really noticable. Even my singing voice sounds weird to me.
- Hurt yourself? Nope

HAVE YOU EVER?

- Been out of the country? Once… I went to Canada when I was 7. That’s it. We don’t really have the funds to do stuff like that, and even if we did, my dad has a “why leave America?” attitude so I’d probably have to go with my grandma
- Had sex? Yes
- Been in love? Yes
- Had a surgery? Yup.. when I was three, I was rocking on a rocking chair in the garage. I rocked too far and fell back and split my head open.
- Ran away from home? Hmm… depends on the definition. One time, my dad got REALLY drunk and started punching stuff, so I ran away to Amanda’s that night, but that was the only time. (Last time he got drunk too)
- Been so drunk that you know you’re supposed to go out on a date with someone, but you can’t remember with who or when and that you faint when you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, not to mention your breath? Uh… Just read the previous question’s answer and take a guess as to whether I can stand alcohol or not.
- Thought about suicide? Yes
- Talked on the phone all night? Yes. Actually I talk with Amanda on skype all night almost every day
- Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex? Yes, when I was little we used to go camping with Danny and Caleb.
- Killed someone? …
- Had sex with a stranger? No…
- Thought you’re going crazy? Sometimes I still do, haha
- Kissed the same sex? Nope
- Done anything sexual with the same sex? Not yet
- Stolen anything? Hm… a few times stand out to me. Once, when I was really little, I took a strategy guide for Diddy Kong Racing from the store (so it was probably 1997, so I was 7). I didn’t know that they cost money. Also, when I was 14 or something, I stole a can of cheese from the dollar store just to see if I could get away with it.
- Been on radio/TV? Nope
If I were a month I would be: Probably December. Start off as warm, but turn very cold near the end. Hahah.
If I were a day of the week I would be: Tuesday. I’m very boring and not really renowned for anything.
If I were a time of day I would be: 4am.
If I were a planet I would be: Pluto…oh wait
If I were a direction I would be: West
If I were a liquid I would be: Flavored water…
If I were a flower/plant I would be: Rose, insert cliche with thorns, etc.
If I were an animal I would be: A dog… dumb and loyal.
If I were a color I would be: Gray
If I were a fruit I would be: Strawberry
If I were an element I would be: Wind
If I were a food I would be: Beef jerky lols
If I were a place I would be: Alaska?
If I were a body part I would be: DICKS

subjectless (which is technically a subject)

survey I got from flag

1. If you could change something about me, what would it be?
Um, I would change it so you lived next to me. Is that even a valid answer? I don't think there's really anything else that I would want to change. I'm not the type of person that wants to make others change, anyway, if you changed any it would be weird because you wouldn't really be the same flag? If that makes sense at all. /cop-out

2. What are your greatest hopes for the future?
I don't really think about the future that much honestly. I just deal with things day-by-day, which is probably why I'm an unemployed loser at the moment. But ultimately, I'd like to become a chef of some kind, preferably a pastry chef. That's always been my dream and will probably always be my dream. I want to make sweet stuff. Pretty weird dream for someone so MANRY but I want to make really pretty cakes and stuff like that. I also have really, really unattainable and unrealistic dreams, like joining Morning Musume or being a roadie for Metallica. Or even singing for a living. Things like that just aren't possible, obviously.
I'll just follow you wherever you want to go. I have no preference as to location or that, so long as I'm by you.

3. If you had a son, what would you name him? What about a daughter?
Um, I've used all my favorite names in rp. Would it be weird if I said those? If so, then I'd choose Bruce/Jason/Xander/Lucian/Noah for a male, and Celeste/Sapphire/Rosabella/Adrianne/Natasha for a girl. Yeah, I know, a lot of options, and I've thought about it a lot. I really like the ending sound "n" for a male for some reason, and I like more feminine names for girls. My all time favorite names are probably Julian and Arianna, and that wasn't affected by the rp either-- the other way around actually. I've had a list of baby names for three or four years, and those are just the outstanding ones... the ones that stood the test of time and I still really love after a few years.

4. What's your ideal band? What combination of sounds makes it ideal?
Metallica (and I love you for giving me an excuse to write about this)

The reason I love Metallica so much is because of the musical quality they put on the table. I can't really like a band unless they're nearly perfect, so they have to be very sharp musically as well as good with lyrics and such. I can't respect a band at all if they just scream in their lyrics, but Metallica actually has a fairly good singer which makes listening to it the best. All in all, I'm a choir geek so I appreciate singing more than anything, which is why I like other bands like Iron Maiden and Judas Priest as well.

But um, just using the song Master of Puppets as an example. It has tight drums with fills exactly where they need to be, a bass line that isn't just phoning-it-in same-note-500-times-in-a-row thanks to Cliff Burton's musical genius. The fact that there are two guitarists allows for guitar harmony in the middle which is probably one of my favorite elements that Metallica tends to incorporate into their music. The guitars are very metal and have good riffs even though they're not playing a million miles an hour. The lyrics are incredibly catchy and introspective-- it's referring to drugs, and this was probably a time when they were addicted to drugs so I'm sure they know what they're talking about. My favorite part of this particular song is the break-down in the middle because it really gives the song a chance to build back up. Even though it sounds like a whole new song, it still goes with the general theme of the entire composition. I like this song especially because James actually has the first guitar solo, even though it's slow it still shows the expertise that is required to write most of the riffs like he does. And after that, there's the "master! master!" part which is awesome live. Then Kirk comes in with the second solo which is understandably fast and always full of whammy haha. My only complaint is that the song seems a tad bit long which is why it's only my #2 favorite song, just behind Creeping Death.

But going back to the live part, Metallica was born a live band and will always be a live band. A lot of songs are "audience participation songs" where the audience yells and their 30 years of live performance experience really shows. They have great stage charisma which is also a big part of a band to me. They could be the most musically talented band in the world, but if they have poor stage charisma, they'll quickly get boring. You can only listen to the CDs so many times before getting curious and going to look at them live and seeing how horribly they fail, etc. It's part of the reason why I'm not as big of an Iron Maiden fan as I used to be. Their CDs are really good but in my opinion they really fall flat when it comes to being live.

Another big part of a band, to me, is how they see themselves. I can't get into Megadeth or Guns n' Roses because they are both filled with big egotistical personalities. Metallica has been nothing but humble and they constantly say they're just like the fans, only they're the ones on stage and if they weren't on stage they'd be out in the audience. This kind of attitude has allowed them to "keep it real" so to say for so many years and is probably one of the reasons they came out on top out of the 4 "fathers of thrash" bands.

The last thing is willingness to experiment. If Metallica made Kill 'em All (their first album) over and over and over again, they'd be like Slayer and I honestly wouldn't be interested in them today. What made them such a great band was the willingness to experiment, which meant putting ballads on their albums. Sometimes they fail (St. Anger sucked) but that willingness to step out of the comfort zone is something that is unparalleled in the metal world. They got a lot of shit for it, but they also sold a fuckton of albums with The Black Album.

But um.. to wrap it up? Good vocals, guitar harmony, drum fills right where they should be, lyrics that aren't run-of-the-mill, excellent bass lines, great charisma, good personality, and willingness to experiment are all things that I look for in a rock band. There are also other things I'm sure, like the tonality of the equipment, but it's not as important as the other stuff.

I could get started on why I like Morning Musume as well, but I've already written too much for this question so just remind me if you're interested and I'll write later. Basically, the perfect pop/Morning Musume song to me is nanchatte renai.

5. Coke or pepsi? this question is legit
I don't drink pop that much anymore, but I will always choose Pepsi over Coke. Coke is not sweet enough for me. But these days I probably couldn't be able to tell the difference anyway. I also like Pepsi because they've publicly donated to gay rights funds so it feels morally right supporting them. But I like most pop, the only one I won't drink is Dr Pepper.

Microblogs - October 2009

2009-10-04 10:49 PM: What happened to "I love you"? Did I do something wrong tonight?

2009-10-03 12:26 PM: the most obvious of obvious gay guys in high school that were in the closet added me and apparently he's going out with a guy, not surprised

2009-10-02 10:42 PM: fuck yeah headache

2009-10-01 7:11 AM: fuckin bedtime

Microblogs - September 2009

2009-09-30 2:49 AM: seriously need to get out of this house and dad's "because I'm 40, I'm superior to you" thoughts.

2009-09-27 10:49 PM: what the heck flag

2009-09-26 11:00 PM: it's officially the day cliff died. 23 years. RIP ;~;

2009-09-26 10:20 PM: project runway owns

2009-09-25 10:27 PM: good to hear your voice again flag~

2009-09-25 3:21 AM: a lot of things happened today, so I'm gonna go sleep and try to wind down a little bit.

2009-09-24 1:34 AM: Yup. I officially don't give a fuck anymore.

2009-09-16 2:55 PM: the person that was supposed to be getting a hold of me "like, totally didn't have any time this week!" what bs.

2009-09-15 11:56 AM: yay yay diet breakthrough

2009-09-14 9:07 AM: dreams where you know you're in a dream are weird

2009-09-13 10:01 PM: everyone tonight... sigh

2009-09-13 5:02 PM: throat is feeling a bit better

2009-09-12 11:43 PM: also everyone started naming their little girls isabella lately. fucking twilight. enjoy having to be called by your last initial, ladies

2009-09-12 1:14 AM: i talked to an old friend again <3

2009-09-11 10:39 PM: september 11th means tons of specials about 9/11 on the history channel

2009-09-11 10:11 PM: there's a reason why i don't bother socializing.

2009-09-07 12:01 AM: poor flag////

2009-09-05 2:53 PM: going to go on xbox and re-download some stuff, i'll be back online in a half hour or so

2009-09-05 10:45 AM: slept well

2009-09-03 7:32 PM: diet start~

2009-09-02 3:43 PM: steve got a job orz

2009-09-02 2:25 AM: right bedtime now

2009-09-02 2:25 AM: need to go to bed soon, if i stay up all night steve gets on in the morning and clack-clacks on the keyboard .__.

2009-09-01: playing online bingo, which is strangely addictive

semi-hiatus

if my lack of updates is any sort of indication, i’m on a semi-hiatus.

there’s just not a whole lot going on in my life that’s noteworthy, and even if there was, i never think to update my lj with it. i just tell someone about it and move on for the most part.

i’ll most likely still be reading all of your entries, only on more delayed basis and i sure as hell won’t be commenting as much as i used to.

Microblogs - August 2009

2009-08-31 11:03 PM: september first. how time flies~

2009-08-31 9:52 PM: girls outside. screaming. what.

2009-08-31 5:20 PM: awake hurray (also, i need to make a list of things to buy in the future)

2009-08-31 5:47 AM: tired of being banned on lunchtimers for no good reason

2009-08-30 4:00 AM: creeped out when people on lj friends list give full detail on their sex lives

2009-08-28 10:24 AM: i wonder how people can find plurk to be 'addictive'

2009-08-25 8:45 PM: sick ;~;

2009-08-23 8:16 PM: should update more often whoops

2009-08-16 3:45 PM: god damn

2009-08-14 11:16 AM: noon, so that's bed time for me

2009-08-03 5:28 PM: happy birthday james hetfield!

So hot.

For some reason, it's so hot. I'm sweating horribly.

I watched a few animes today. I've always said anime is super homo so I've been trying to prove myself wrong. I began watching Seto no Hanayome and watched through all of Toki wo Kakeru Shoujo. The latter was pretty good but I was horribly disappointed in the ending... I hate it when that happens. That happened with Watchmen too-- the entire movie was awesome then it just shot itself in the foot at the end...

Also, I can't help but think everyone was mad at me today. Everyone I talked to seemed cold and I'm not sure why. I must have inadvertently done something wrong or more likely, it's all in my mind and nothing was wrong at all.

Oh well. I'm gonna go try to get some sleep because I feel sick.

subjectless

RIP Les Paul :(
He died at the age of 94... so old!

"So freedom is the point? Liberty. America's great and Belgium can eat our nuts. That's patriotism, right? /sarcasm" - Penn

I ♥ you, Penn & Teller. This was about an episode where someone was trying to say that the reason America was great is because it's ~free~ (as if every other country isn't free /s). I think what Penn was getting at is that other places are a lot more free than ours and I can't agree more. Everyone's so worried about political agenda and political correctness that it has come to the point where I don't think we're really necessarily 'free' anymore.

Also, they went around with a petition that said "America is #1 and the United Nations should recognize that" and "Her majestic landscape is more majestic than any other landscape, and the ideals and principles upon which she was founded are superior to all other ideals and principles." Also "amongst all nations in the world, America is clearly the best. Her people are better citizens than any other citizens." An number of people signed it. The ethnocentric-ism some people hold is really sickening. I don't think I ever really realized how... dumbly patriotic some people are? (Not even going into the lady who responded "Europe" to the question "What's the #2 country?")

However, they did say that a majority of people didn't sign and showed a bunch of clips of them showing why ("We're not number one in anything" and "I don't believe there's a superior country" for example). So there is still hope that the ones who signed were just a few (super-patriotic) idiots. I think that even a "few people" saying we're better is one too many, but I'm pleasantly surprised to hear that a majority of them weren't just talking out of their ass. Kind of proud, I guess. ♥

I'm not gonna lie, I'm proud to be from America and I doubt I could ever pretend like I was from Canada while abroad, even if it meant I'd have a slew of judging and misconceptions thrown at me. No matter where I go, even if I live most of my adult life elsewhere, I'm still going to feel like an American deep down. Nonetheless, I'm still glad I'll be out of here in a few years~

family reunion

I went to the family reunion, and all I got was this crappy t-shirt.

My hair is up because it was so hot! Over 100 degrees with the heat index. I keep telling my dad "I need to get a haircut" but we're poor.

There's a certain amount of butthurt revolving this t-shirt. Grandma offered to buy me a t-shirt since they were selling them. They had small, medium, large, and extra large. I said I'd take large, because I happen to know that large looks good on me. Grandma told me to get XL because it will shrink, but they were pre-shrunk so I said I'd get large instead. Roger (my grandma's husband) kept INSISTING that I get XL. Am I really that fatty-chan that I look like I need an XL? Even the large has a little breathing room on me. It fits just right to me. It's not so tight that my fat is hanging all over, and it's not so big that it makes me look three times larger than I really am. I put on a shirt that actually fit me before and my brother said I looked like I lost thirty pounds. That's how bad it is.

It's their fault 90% of my wardrobe doesn't fit me (swimming in them). I do NOT like this, and whenever I buy shirts for myself, I get regular large. Most people (like my brother) respect that large fits me normally and that's the best size for me, but my grandma, for whatever reason, feels like my shirts need to be so big that they can fit two of me in them.

The shirt isn't that great anyway. The only reason I got it is because my grandma insisted, but at least it's one of the few pieces of clothing that actually FITS now.

wtf

I had a dream that there was a BTSSB shop in our mall, and I went in. There was a red JSK there and it was really cute, and I tried it on and it fit (would never happen in the real world) and I asked how much it was. The lady who worked there said $3,000 (!!!). I asked if I could put it on a payment plan, hahah.