my brother is going through a divorce. back when I was dating (both men and women), I was never single. despite me not being especially conventionally attractive (short and chubby, wonky face lmao) and him being conventionally attractive (tall and skinny, objectively good looking by western beauty standards)

my brother: it feels like I’m destined to be alone. why have you never had any problem getting women?

me: idk. have you tried treating them like actual people?

my brother: says a bunch of low key misogynistic shit in response

my brother in Christ (and in blood) this is why you’re single. he, like many men, can’t seem to see women as Actual People. i asked him if he even had any female friends and he goes “no I already have enough friends and they’re all male” and I’m like ??? your friendship roster is full up so how are you going to find someone new? why not befriend some women?

he’s like “I don’t want to fuck men” and I’m like I didn’t say you needed to do so but if you won’t even befriend a single woman what makes you think youre going to find one to date?

I kinda just wanna ask him “do you even like to be around women?” like obviously he’s attracted to them but if he won’t talk to them outside of a Girlfriend or Potential Lover role then… idk

and he goes “I’m in my mid thirties most good/attractive women my age have kids and/or are already married” and I’m like look in the mirror bro what does that say about you.

he’s like “hot women have the highest standards and so won’t settle for men like me” and simultaneously seems to want:

  • a “low maintenance” woman who fits his loner lifestyle exactly with zero compromise required
  • but is also willing to commit to him 100%
  • conventionally attractive with no kids
  • minimal existing “baggage”
  • will be patient with your disordered, childhood traumatized ass who thinks meds and therapy are a scam and refuses to get help

and those women maybe do exist, but they’re not going to fall into your lap!! and the fact that he’s unwilling to work on his own mental state… well we clown on the “hit the gym, lawyer up, delete Facebook” guys but the premise of “work on yourself first” is legit.

he also doesn’t seem to realize that relationships are a ton of work and compromise. I’ve been with my husband for 11 years now and even to this day we still do a lot of work and compromise with each other all the time.

bringing another whole ass human along with you for the ride that is life is complicated, even with the most chill and understanding partner. it means you don’t get your way all the time anymore.

so when he shakes his fist at the sky and goes “damn you, cosmos! I am destined to be alone!” really it’s more like, no, you WANT to be alone. or more accurately, you’re unwilling to make the sacrifices required to have a long term serious romantic relationship. and that’s ok! but don’t pretend like it’s the universe colluding against you.