They just posted a BDA position at my workplace. They said they are looking for people, and I’d love to do it. I’d also be really good at it. But I need to hold myself back on applying. I’m sure they’d love to have me, but I don’t think it would be very compatible with school, considering it’s full-time AND requires a lot of travel/independent work. This is the first time I’m holding myself back from applying to an internal transfer I know I’m well-qualified for. Maybe I’m maturing.

I’m starting to realize that just because I can do something doesn’t mean that taking it is what’s best for me. My current plan is light work to pay the bills while completing court reporting school, prioritize a skill that is going to substantially increase my earning potential and job satisfaction, and then graduate and transition into a career that is well-known for its stability/compensation/working conditions/benefits/etc.

A full-time BDA position with extensive travel and independent responsibilities is like, the exact opposite of what would help me succeed with that particular plan. Steno is getting harder and harder and requiring more and more of my time/focus.

Since I enjoy being competent at work and recognized for that competence, I’m actively needing to turn down the inevitable dopamine hit it would be by taking this position. Plus, the vastly increased compensation. But I need to keep myself on track and keep reminding myself that I am in school for a bigger plan, and anything that distracts from that plan is going to be more harmful than helpful.

It’s kind of using a skill that I’m still developing which is long-term patience. I can’t ask myself “can I do this?” or “would I enjoy this?” because the relevant question here is actually, “does this fit with my long-term plans and worth sacrificing what I have going?” All of those questions have different answers, but one of them is directly the most relevant. One of them is also the hardest to actually stick with, ahaha.

That’s not even going into the fact that I need to honor E’s wants/needs and sacrifices that he’s made. He’s sacrified so much and continues to sacrifice so much for us to be exceling at what we actually want to do. Not just whatever happens to pop up.