Category: Longform
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I had a scary dream
Dale says it's because of my sympathy for her. I don't know what it is. I think I want to see her, and I wish she wasn't such a drunk bitch so maybe I could once and awhile. What is going to happen... I guess only the future can tell.
Counters..
- Gears of War PC comes out November 6, 2007. It will cost $0 (what, you think I'm actually BUYING it?).
- Army of Two comes out November 13, 2007. It will cost $60.
- Rock Band comes out November 23, 2007 [Black Friday, blah]. It will cost $170 bundled.
Also, it was Ayu's birthday a few days ago. I forgot to mention anything, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY AYU! Hope you had a great one.
Yo
It was on easy, so in order to get ALL the achievements, we'd have to go back and redo it on hard. Amanda said to do that myself but I'm extremely bad at those games and I probably couldn't even beat it on easy, so I'm gonna have to give up on that achievement. There's a couple more that I know I probably won't get (one about atom, one about the info tapes). I still have about 4 days on it including today so I'm sure we can get a few more before we have to take it back in.
I might rent Halo 3 after that.. dun dun duuuun.
Documenting the lulz
I'm keeping this entry public so anyone who was or wasn't involved can read about it, and take the screenshots how they want to take them.
What happened was, fazeshot decided to post a thread regarding subbing Gyaruru's "Boom Boom Meccha Maccho" PV. However, he refused to bare in mind the following things:
- Gyaruru is not H!P
- The only lyrics that could be found were romaji
- No one would probably be interested
Bare in mind fazeshot is the one who paid for the domain and supposedly started H!F (this should have nothing to do with it, but read on.)
Fazeshot goes basically apeshit with his first post (click here for a screenshot)
Seems like an elitist and stupid "rule" you have going there but sure w/e you lack interest in the project because it lacks "H!P fanboys rejoice here" stamp on it.. i understand... regardless of it being stamped with H!P or not its still in affiliation in my eyes but w/e I'm just the one who payed outta my pocket for the domain name and whatnot as well as sparked the interest in what is now H!F I have no say though none... I might as well just demote myself to Group: Noob, But Oh well thats how it's been since the beginning even when I was active. Honestly I just gave up because you always wanted to run the show so run it man I don't give a shit hence why I don't bother to go outta my way to help you guys with releases. You just pushed me outta the way and basically say "This is sacred's H!F" when I was the one who started the damn thing and was the one you talked to when we decided structure of the thing and you were assigned co-leader until you just totally tried to take over and make this yours... That's why I make no effort to help because I feel like u did nothing but shove me of my position which has always annoyed me and haku very much shit, when I was still active u denied haku a chance to help encode when he was one of the founding members BEFORE you!.
Oh yah and don't delete my post because i'm not in the mood to be "pushed aside" again.
So w/e call the shots big shot
(editor's note: this post was added in 10 minutes after the rest) Look sacred your a cool guy and all but i'm sorry I just had to tell my whole stance on the thing that I've thought for a while and kept under wraps for a long time.. yes I know u are the one who recruited a shitload of members and whatnot but still I should still have a majority say in things and not just be shrugged off as something less than a member
This was my pissed off response, which caused both SacredCultivator and I to be banned (click here for a screenshot)
[edit] Bare in mind this post was made before your little last line edit.
Sounds like a lot of pent up anger. Let me just say before I begin to write my response that I will always support SC and his decisions with H!F because he's definitely the one who does mostly everything around here. Now let me respond to each point.
The group is called HELLO!Fansubs if you haven't noticed. That tends to mean that everyone in here is interested in subbing Hello!Project. No one was even interested in the project and we understand that you'd like to suggest it but unless you're going to be doing most of the work yourself, you can't expect everyone to immediately want to jump on it just because you have "LOL POWERS" or "LOL AUTHORITY" or "LOL LEADER". This is a group effort and you don't really seem to realize that.
You paid out of your pocket? What, $20? We're very thankful and all but paying a couple bucks for a domain name and webhost does not give you supreme authority or rule, bud. I could just as easily have done the exact same thing for H!F and even offered to do so WITHOUT expecting anything like authority in return (or "This is awesome! You guys should totally bow to my will because, you know, I spent IN REAL LIFE MONIES"). You aren't doing ANYTHING with the domain and I've been doing most of the web maintenance. Bare in mind that it would be just as easy for us to buy another name and for me to set it up, because I'm sorry but I'm a hell of a lot more dedicated to web maintenance than you seem to be.
As for sparking the interest in H!F, 1) I don't really think there's a lot of "interest", no more than my own personal subs (only a few people have joined) and 2) if anything sparked any interest it's the releases themselves, not your "hard work" in "promoting" H!F.
What the fuck have you done around here? Timed once or twice? SacredCultivator has been putting so much of his free time and effort into making sure this doesn't end up dead like jphip fansubs. You don't give him ANY respect WHATSOEVER even though he tries his best to make this the best damn fansubs group out there. He always tries to be nice and make well informed decisions and you barge into this place as if you are some sort of fucking big shit because you happened to have a few extra bucks to dish out on an (unneeded) domain.
You don't bother to go out of your way because you DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HELLO!FANSUBS. Starting it means nothing if you don't continue through with what you have started. I don't see you leading the pack or even attempting to, I don't see you doing research about what kind of projects to start up (this was a hopeless one to begin with because there were no lyrics anywhere and it wasn't even H!P), and I sure as hell don't see you donating the kind of (PRICELESS) time that SC does around here. You're rarely online according to him and only show up when you want something for you.
Lol, wanna know something funny? We don't need you, fazeshot.. because no matter under what name, there will always be translators, timers, encoders, and etc that will see through your falsity and create a new group with us. If we did create a new group, the only thing that would change is the name because you sure as hell haven't been doing anything around here.
Using your so called "leet owner powers" only makes you look like an asshole. I had no opinion of you before this post, but as I'm sure the other members can see, you truly are the definition of "inflated self importance".
Nah I am not going to delete your post.. I am going to leave it and have other members comment upon it...
And I will be nice about this...
First off, YES you did start up the Idea of the Group, I will give you that. Yes you did pay for a domain or whatnot BUT you have to keep in mind about this... I was quite against it in the first place... As I didn't want ANY money invested into this Group which is why if I am not mistaken had a FREE forum which WORKED for us... No members had complaints about it... Take careful note.. After we made the move.. what happened? Bam members didn't even sign up (We have a few refusing to re-register on here, and I try to keep in touch with them via messenger)... No I am not saying it is necessarily your fault for this, as you were doing what is best for the group.. but again I warned and said 'moving' can lead to problems and provided JPHIP as the best example.. and even now we are trying to resurrect it...
Go out of your way... hmmm.. yes int he beginning you two were active... And for Encoding... yes Haku offered to help as Encoder, but I subbed in because I have already had experience and if I am not mistaken Haku pointed out that he was still learning... In the end I am Global Encoder and we have had no problems thus far, I mean Sukebei is Global Encoder as well for H264/ projects he solo's on... No I am not necessarily pushing you the Founder and Haku aside... You gave up far too early... As I will say, you didn't really comment upon projects that were brought up, only one is the Reina DVD, which we are still working on as I got a new translator to help work on it. After that Project, you fell silent... And I DID contact you MANY times and you just never responded.. and when you did.. you still put the work aside...
Ex.
-Asked you to become affiliates with another Forum (You said I'll let the webmaster know...) Emmm yeah.. still don't see that site on the FrontPage so I kindly asked Amber to do so and she did so immediately (On another Front Page though, as it seems there are some problems with ours that whens he updates it is all screwy, and she doesn't want to go through the trouble to mess with it){You can ask Amber about this as yeah she offered to help out updating the frontpage as you said you would but didn't really and I gave about a week}
Also... I really hate to bring this one out on ya, but since you took this to that level.. You and Haku wanted to start up H!A... And you two were quite into it.. but seems you had trouble getting members right? Yeah this is where i was gonna say how I brought in most of the Members into the group, but read your edit, so I respect that in you.
But yeah I honestly didn't mean to 'shove' you aside... But the intention of this group was Hello!Mornings right? Hence the Hello!Fansubs.. So I felt it would only make sense to do H!F related Media, it isn't an 'elitist' move.. it makes logical sense... And seeing as to how even though Tsunku is the only affiliation between H!P/Gyaruru, I still feel that it is it's own thing... I still respect you for bringing up such a magnificent idea even though it took a turn and did other things apart from H!M's but have to realize the Translators come and go and sometimes they have their mind set on other thigns than H!M's and I have to respect that as they are the Translator and as I have various experience with other groups (Anime doesn't count in this sense as I think they do things much differently than live drama's/ whatnot) so I sort of have an understanding as to how crucial Translators are to groups so I give them as much 'lax' time as possible so they are not pressured in anyway.. Although I do feel sad that I pressured poor aimaime into doing Reina's DVD at a higher priority than his other project >< (Sorries aimaime).
And because of this I don't want you to just completely obliterate this forums or whatnot... So hope we can get in good terms in one way or another... As you know I don't mean to be all 'self-ish' or whatnot, but if I am a 'role-model' for others, and things aren't looking so great, I have to step up and put things in order, so I hope you can understand and respect where i am coming at.
My response and then SacredCultivator's response (keep in mind a lot of stuff has been going on in AIM like fazeshot calling me slut and bitch, which I am not pasting here due to SC's privacy) (click here for a screenshot)
i'm leaving
i don't enjoy being under the "rule" of someone like that
enjoy your aids, fazeshot, you immature fuck (banning SC and I? calling me names to SC over AIM? haha what is this, first grade?)
SacredCultivator's response
Mehs... Amber.... =`( bleh... you know how I feel about this so yeah... arge... so sorries about things... I should've figured something so great takes a fall when it climaxes... I'll miss you... although I'll still be working with ya over at jphip.. but still... things definitely won't be the same and I already told you the reason haha... Mehs..
@faze: Dont' get angry from Ambers comment.. as I told you I respect her that she is blunt the way she is... As it allows one to repair things just like how she came up to me about one of our members and their choice of colors to use, I took care of it instantly and things were solved... Again I really hope you understand the conversation we had via AIM....
Fazeshot showing his maturity, bare in mind I was never "DDoS"ed at all, and later he calls me a "geek" for having protection against it (click here for a screenshot)
You guys are cliquey sp? don't let me intrude on your little "in" crowd lol it seems like u guys are the ones on power trips seeing as U all think what u say goes and thats that.
P.S. amber enjoy the DDOS attacks you pissed off my webmaster so yah... have fun having random ping spikes for a while.. nothing I can do to stop him from that.
@faze: Emm we are close as we work together in another group + co-op projects... So yeah... which is why I am able to get along with her.. cause if you can't get along with her.. you are sort of screwed, as you can see from her message...
@Other Staff: Blah.. have fun reading what just erupted... Sorries, my fault for not realizing and confronting faze to sort things out before they got up to the climax...
Oh she impresses me so much believe me actually she sounds like a geek bitch that needs some dickin'
Then he calls me a hypocrite for calling him a dumbfuck (which is not a name so much as it is the truth), and bans me from the forum (click here for a screenshot). My response to this is (click here for a screenshot)
that's okay, 'cause you know, banning me always gets rid of your problem and the counterargument.
at least i say this stuff to your FACE, not behind your back to SacredCultivator.
grow some balls, will you.
Then SacredCultivator makes the extremely mature and wise decision (with encouragement from Sukebei) to move back to the other forums and cut all ties with fazeshot and haku (click here for a screenshot)
Dear Staff,
In regards to the recent event that has occurred, Read Here, I along with a few other members feel it best if we just revert back to the Old Forums which is located Here.
I must apologize in advance for this Constant Moving back/forth... But it didn't occur to me that such an event would take place... So I think it best if we return to the old forums where we were accustomed to.
Although faze had great intentions for the Group in moving, it seemed that move hindered our group a little... And in the case of the recent event a dear member of ours has departed >< and she was quite an essential member to use, agrayrainbow shall be missed =`(
So what does this Move back mean? As some of you might not have realized, fazeshot/haku have been the Original Founders of what is now H!F. But due to how things went they both sort of were 'shielded-off' {I can't be held responsible for that due to the fat I am not a mind reader, so I don't know what is going on unless I am confronted, as in the case with agrayrinbow/gto, which was sorted out immediately when I heard word of it} Apart from that faze/haku took their 'leave' and when trying to contact faze for assistance, he acknowledges it but doesn't do so... It is his way of 'payback, ignoring'... I will not be cruel and post up our conversation we had via AIM, as I am sure you can all get the gist of things from the Thread I referred to in the beginning... The log between faze and I was only shared to 2 close Staff Members that I wanted to get their honest opinion as to what I should do. As those 1 was with me since the start and the other was slightly new but I trust that person.
In the end I feel it is best to go back to the 'past' but this time... Sadly.. I will have to relinquish both faze/haku from the group, as I don't want faze shedding $20 a month for the Server we are using when it wasn't necessary, and don't want them to feel like I am not acknowledging them as they won't be part of H!F anymore so they don't have that strain on them...
PS:
For those that are like WTF and all after the thread referred, and feel you might need to read the Conversation we had, do PM/email/IM me and I will show you...
So in light of these events I understand if the moving is a hassle and if you'd like to continue helping us our at H!F do make the switch on back, and if you just can't handle the mess and feel it best to leave I fully understand and thank you for your assistance in H!F.
I will now be active over at the Old Forums, so any Posts in regards to Projects can be made There, and any replies outside of Projects can still be made here if wanted. As i have already transferred most of which I think is now up-to-date at the old forums.
For the new Members that joined exclusively to this site, please Register at the forums I linked to and I will have you upped to Staff. {I will Email you as well}
Members:
TheProteosAgna
aimaime
First of the only thing I said to sacred was you act like a fool and a dumbass when I was explaining to him something else. Trust me I would have no problem "saying stuff to your face" its the internet you dumb cunt I know you mistake it for real life because your such a fuckin fat geeky loserbitch but its okay like I said you'll get cock someday.. Until then choke on your own vomit.
Anyway off to study because you know.. some of us people that exist outside the internet have something called a life and don't spend 99% of their time staring at a blank forum and making little pretty Fansubs. GJ you can make karaoke! *clap* wheres that gonna get you in life
OMG I FOUND A PICTURE OF AMBER! Click
@Faze: Emmm just gonna make my point..
'hypocrite' called Amber one and... you just showed hypocrisies by saying 'GJ you can make karaoke! *clap* wheres that gonna get you in life' ehhh then wtf you arguing about being 'left-out'?
We all have a life... Without it.. you'd be dead.. come on common sense tells you that... Right? It just depends on how BUSY one's life is... And Being BUSY with Fansubbing is still a Life...
I don't know why you make things worse...
Ignore my own hypocrisies here but it is to just make my point as you don't realize it..
Okay.. as you said, 'Anyway off to study because you know.. some of us people that exist outside the internet have something called a life and don't spend 99% of their time staring at a blank forum and making little pretty Fansubs.'
Really? Then why did you shed the extra minutes of your 'life' finding Ambers picture?
Blank forum.. get real... In the beginning I already KNEW our forums wouldn't be active in terms of the Public, we use the forums to discuss projects not for the Public per say, although that is a plus.
And to end it all... Requoting you, 'GJ you can make karaoke! *clap* wheres that gonna get you in life', then why the f' did you create H!F? Please... just because you are out of H!F now.. you show this side of yourself to make yourself look that much worse... And ouch.. How dare you say that about Fansubbing, alright now go to some well known Groups that sub and say that to them... I can just about Guarantee you that most of those Fansubbers have a much busier life than yours and still get by with fansubbing.
Heck again... If you have such a 'great/busy life' outside of the internet.. why do you bother Replying back?
One can go on and on about this and in the end no matter which way anyone sees it... In terms of argument... you have lost...
^You can argue back and forth, but heck as the Members see it, you really lost....
As sad as I am to say all this... ouch... Just ouch at what you made of this...
EDIT:
Deleted her.. oh nice... can't handle her arguing with you huh? Ouch yet again ><
I already have a boyfriend, love. Googling "geeky fat girl" won't find my picture, btw. ;D
"your such a fuckin fat geeky loserbitch but its okay like I said you'll get cock someday.. Until then choke on your own vomit."
Keep making yourself look like a fool, I'll just keep screenshotting all of your dumbass posts.
My original post obviously hit way too close to home for you, so you, like the script kiddie you are, upon finding out that you couldn't "leet hax" me, you fell back to trolling. Horrible trolling at that, trolling is supposed to inspire hatred and anger in your subject, and it just inspires my pity for you. I really do feel sorry for you, Internet Tough Guy, but until you close down these forums I will continue to respond to you in a mature way-- something you obviously are incapable of.
Also, deleting me is not going to work... closing your ears and singing "LA LA LA" and looking the other way isn't exactly the mature way to handle things either.
Hey cunt touch the forums again and me and the webmaster can ddos ur net into submission
there are lulz to be had!
I always think it’s funny when people post empty threats to me. It’s only happened once or twice (I remember being threatened to be reported to authorities before!) and today is one of those rare days that it happened.
At hello-fansubs, I basically wrote a long ass reply fucking up fazeshot’s ego with the truth, and he (childishly) banned myself and someone else that was in the conflict, then sent me a PM (while I was banned ‘cos he’s a genius) that said something like:
“Fuck with the forums again, DDoSing is fun”
Yes, I was fucking with the forums, because I wanted to get him back (and had his ftp info, lulz). I’ve since moved on however, and then he sends the other person involved in the conflict something like this:
“lol hope she enjoys, my friend is ddosing her and sending her packets”
This guy obviously doesn’t know what he’s talking about. My connection hasn’t done anything weird since, so he’s fucking moronic.
This is why I stick to places like jphip fansubs in the first place… lmao.
Sorry
I suppose that I should write an entry about the things that are going well in my life, or what has happened lately, hmm?
Amanda (who has actively been wishing her name was Aimee) has been staying at my house. She has her computer set up on my living room table, and all those wires have added to the clusterfuck which I'd like to call underneath my computer table. We have both our computers plugged in, so she enabled network sharing and took The Sims 2 (and all expansions) from my computer. It doesn't even work on mine.. so I uninstalled a few expansion packs and I hope that'll fix the problem, because I really wanna play.
Off of that topic, have you ever just stopped and realized, "wow, I might be going to spend the rest of my life with this person"? I mean, I've been dating the same person for at least 5 or 6 months, but this is just now setting in fully. It's not even a debate with myself, it's really what I think is going to happen. And even though my gramma keeps urgently encouraging me not to settle down young, she has to realize that I am not her. I think that's been a hard thing for her to realize, and she knows just as much as I do that I'm most likely going to marry young. Everyone is different (Amanda is a case in point, she doesn't even want to think about getting married until she gets out of the marines) but I know what I want to do as far as that goes.
Off topic: Does anyone have any really good computer games they could suggest? I'm bored.
I hate Risako.
Until I get any proof otherwise, I'm going to believe that she is that type of person.
Prove me wrong, flist.
Finally
From 150kb/s to 600kb/s by Friday
This will also mean I can upload 160kb/s, which will mean I'll be more inclined to upload when I can upload faster than I used to be able to download!
As for life, not much is going down. Dad and I have both agreed to start to try a little harder on the driving thing, and I'm going to go to a temp service to get a job after I have my GED. <3
I'm gonna go play a Harvest Moon that WON'T delete my game now-- Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life! Then again, it did mess up when I was playing this game before (had to send in my Gamecube.. but that's another story all together.)
lol wait wut
Tomorrow is now, and this is what happened
me: Can I call those people now?
dad: How much did you say it was again?
me: $35.
dad: More?
me: No, the flat out price.
dad: Okay..
me: So I can call them?
dad: Sure. Wait, well is it going to cost me $50 later? Read the fine print, is this like a 3 month deal?
me: No.. they've had this plan for years.. it's not a trick.
dad: Okay whatever.
me: *Goes into bedroom, gets phone, dials*
dad: Didn't I just pay $200 to make that thing faster? [He's talking about the ram he bought LAST SUMMER + the hard drive he bought JANUARY 2005]
me: Uhh.. do you not want me to do this?
dad: This isn't the best time to ask me, Amber, I stayed up all night accidentally playing poker on the computer and now I have to go into work.
me: Well, whatever.. I'll do it tomorrow then..
WTF?!
"lol but leik u r so smrt."
"Your counselor called, she sounded like she was going to have a heart attack. She said you didn't answer the phone. I told her you decided to quit school, and she was devastated. She thinks you're too smart to quit school because you were taking college classes... she wants you to have a conference with her so that you guys can work something out. She said she can understand people who drop out because they're having trouble, but she can't understand why someone like you would drop out."
So, being smart means I can't quit? Apparently, if I were a dumbass, I could easily drop out but because I was getting all As and taking college classes that means I get harassed by the school. That pisses me off.. and made me make a suggestion to Amanda:
"I should've went back to school and started having "troubles". You know, like, writing DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU for essays, and refusing to do anything in gym. That might've been funny for the lulz."
She suggested that I go back and do just that, but I told her it was too late because that would mean I would have to start making up hours. Anyway, I've made up my mind.
LOL MICROSOFT SUCKS
After the update there are currently 3 unresolved issues:
Voice Chat
Matchmaking
NAT Type Detection- what was set to Open is now set to Moderate or Strict and can't be manually changed. Problems: Can't join friends online. Can't chat with friends online. May not show friends online but they are.
The team is aware of these issues and is currently working on them. They have no timeframe except ASAP!
The suggestion is too not change any port information, nor to change router settings, etc. (Do not change anything to your current setup.)
This was posted on Major Nelsons Blog: A small number of people are having issues with incorrect NAT type detection. The team is aware and working hard to resolve it as quickly as possible.
HB
Yes, that's exactly why I paid for live! To have them screw me over when I want to play! Thanks, Microsoft! Yet another fucking lovely product from a fucking lovely company!
Important
It's kind of funny.. I just said in a passing way, "I'm thinking about quitting school." to a couple of my friends the day before I started going back. A conversation like this was held with someone I consider to be my "friend" sorta.
me: "I'm thinking about quitting high school."
him: "Why? You only have a year left."
me: "Lots of stress, I don't think I'm learning anything, waste of time. Not like you'd miss me anywho."
him: "Not really."
me: "Haha, didn't think so.."
him: "Well, if we never see you again, we know why."
I thought it was pretty humorous, this is the right way to be humorous. Telling me "well congrats on ALMOST finishing highschool!" in a joking yet condescending way is not the way to get on my high list (this quote from Steve, whom realized it upset me and apologized).
Anyway, I've stopped going. It feels great not to be dreading having to go back to school, it feels great to not have to do something (though dad says we need to definitely start learning how to drive so I can get my GED and get a job). I think this is the right decision at this point in my life.
A funny thing that happened today to get us off the subject-- Amanda and I went to Dairy Queen and we went to the window, annoyed that the lady was talking some other guy up instead of serving us.. until we listened to the conversation, in which we were trying not to laugh the whole time.
"Service" old lady: "Yeah, haha."
Weird guy: "It's so nice to just be able to talk to people here. In Boston, they either shun ya' or shoot ya'. Hahaha."
SOL: "Really?"
WG: "Yeah. I mean, I'm pretty intense. People around here are still getting used to it."
By now, I'm avoiding looking at Amanda or I'll burst out laughing, seeing that she is smirking and trying not to laugh. We avoid looking at each other before the creepy guy says his goodbye and leaves, and we order. As soon as we get back to the car with our stuff, we BURST OUT laughing, because it was just so weird and funny.
& I played Gears today.. it was actually an interesting and fun experience for once. Maybe I just needed a break from it for awhile. I promised Max I'd help him with Insane so that's my main to-do tomorrow. Yar. -yawns- SLEEP time for me~ No sleep for 24 hours gets to me~
(PS: I think "tired" does not cut it for the mood, just amplify that times over 9000)
don't wanna
i really don't want to school
it's scary
i don't want to get lost
omg
omg
i'm freaking out here
aaaah
fuck.
too lazy
- Gears of War t-shirt
- Portable CD Player
- Pokemon Fire Red
- Harvest Moon DS
- Picross DS
- Some 23-in-one game thing
- Mario Kart DS
SCHOOL DREAD! Hurray 8D
I don't want to have to take gym.. I don't want to change clothes during the day. I'm extremely modest so I'll probably have to change in the bathroom stall.
Community service I'm not so worried about when I came up with the idea to get a job at Deer Forest and then work for no pay (for "community service" anyway).
I don't want to learn how to drive!
I don't want to talk to the counselor who's going to ask me why I haven't picked up the phone and why I didn't register for some stupid college class I didn't even want to join in the first place.
I don't want to have to fumble and find my way around the Vo-Tech center for the first week because I'm foolish.
teh daily ritual
- 8:00am through 4:00pm - School
- 8:00am to 9:00am - Gym
- 9:05am to 10:05am - English 12
- 10:10am to 11:10am - Current Events
- 11:15am to 12:00pm - Lunch
- 12:00pm to 4:00pm - Computer Networking
- 4:00pm through 7:00pm - Sleep (nap)
- 7:00pm through 8:00pm - Gears of War
- 8:00pm through 10:00pm - TCG stuff
- 10:00pm through 1:00am - Maple Story
- 1:00am through 2:00am - Ragnarok
- 2:00am through 7:00am - Sleep
"What is your favorite time of day?"
My favorite time of the day is night. This really gets me in trouble because mostly everything goes on during the day. I love everything about the night though. I love that it's dark, I love the smell, I love how you can see the stars when it's really clear. The thing I love the most about night though is that I can be alone most of the time.
"What is the worst thing parents can do to their children?"
Writing Prompt #4: "What is the worst thing parents can do to their children?"
I think the worst thing that ever happened with me is that my dad just didn't care. He stopped caring enough to push me to do well, and he never pushed me to drive (which is one of the reasons I'm not driving right now). I know he loves me but he's trying so hard to be a friend that he forgot he has to be a parent and force me to do stuff every so often. This is the worst thing a parent can do because it makes their child extremely lazy.
[update 2024: we didn't even think to mention our mother because we just didn't consider her to be a parent at all]
Number one example of a bipolar's "mixed state"
Most complaining in this post is based around my own selfishness and being jealous of FRIENDS and a VIDEO GAME.
I mean, seriously. Who gets jealous over a VIDEO GAME? not to mention FRIENDS?!
I'm not going to do a writing prompt today because I'd rather talk about my day for once.
I woke up around 1am to 2am..ish. Talked to Matt because today was going to be my day with him, we were gonna play Yahoo! Graffiti but we never did (we ended up playing other things and played Graffiti the day before). I tell him I want to play Gears, even though I had been waiting for Dale to get on I figure I waited enough and that we should go play.
I go to make a match and then Matt says someone else is joinable. He said I might not want to join it because it's Shep's game but I said "I don't fucking care", realizing that Dale was supposed to be over there I figured they were split screening or something. Little do I know, Dale's on another username. Without any sort of notice to me.
So obviously I'm getting really upset, not pissed, upset. On Escalation I said I wanted a sniper, and then the next round LinX took one..
I literally started crying..
..over a sniper getting ganked.
Yes, it might seem like that on the surface but there was so much happening at the moment that just pressed down on me. The compounding of:
- Waiting for Dale only to see that he was in a game already and didn't even bother to tell me the username he'd be using much less send me an invite
- Dale paying absolutely no mind to me (see NOTE at the top)
- Not being able to win and I'm a poor loser (it's literally impossible with their laggy ass connection, not to mention that many hosts on one team)
- Having a really bad day
- Getting actived down all the time
- LinX taking the sniper
I then went to go spend the rest of the night with Matt. Damn, was the rest of the night fun! He really made me forget about being upset, haha. First we played Command & Conquer 3, which I beat him at as I usually do, but he didn't complain or anything. We just talked most of the time and such. After playing C&C, we played Gears. This was the most fun part of the night.
We decided to go 1 on 1 after seeing that no one really wanted to join. I kept shooting his head off (we were sniping against each other) and then he said something like maybe I'm LETTING you win which caused me to start to let him win. XD
When I was trying to snipe Matt's head on the next match, we were talking about food and I said something like "I'll eat any meat as long as it has turkey on it!" I meant to say barbecue sauce. A second passed.. and then Matt said "What?" and then I started laughing SO HARD because I sniped his head but at the cost of looking really, really stupid. On this match though, we just messed around a lot until someone actually joined. His name was freakin' slicedogg. We had a conversation like this..
Matt: Who freakin' names their Xbox Live profile "slice dogg"?
Me: Apparently a lot of people, because he had to put numbers after it.
Laughter ensued. Then, on Gridlock, all sorts of people joined. The most notable being HOWHI (pronounced Howie), whom we kept joking was our best friend (we laughed at his name for SO long), Brian2893832 (then I made a joke about them being in a boy band together), and Man on Crack420 who proved that he was really on crack by being a shitty sniper and inevitably losing the round for us all the time. Next match, on Canals, we made a SUPER TEAM!:
HOWHI
Man on Crack420
winter twilight (me)
MobCityMANNG (Matt)
We were in private chat the entire time and I don't even think they had mics, but it was fun as hell. It was rather close too. We were up against two super evil guys with guests (one being MightyMouse-- by this time, we were joking how all the freaks come out at night). Whenever the guest would active me down, I'd just boot him haha. That round ended up being 7 to 7, until Man on Crack420 proved to be a valuable asset by winning it for us!
We were laughing 98% of the time and I laughed so hard I cried, and laughed so hard I snorted a few times. But after Canals I could tell Matt was getting drowsy and sure enough he said he wanted to go to bed, so I said goodbye and joined back to Shep's game.
Big mistake.
I got in a message-argument with Dale again, which started off with me APOLOGIZING, then taking the blame for any argument caused. I'd rather take the blame all the time than have an argument. I didn't talk a lot, I recall only talking 2 or 3 times, and that was to RuRaK or LinX (both of whom were definitely high). RuRaK said some pretty nice things about me so I was happy, but of course the connection was laggy and also I wanted to go Locust and they pushed Start before I could.. so I just left.
Mostly, a very mixed emotion night, but I think the good times outweighed the bad times. Just thinking back at it makes me laugh. I definitely gotta do this way more often.
"What is your favorite room in your home and why?"
My favorite room is the living room! Not only because I have a lot of funny memories in here, but also because it's where I spend 97% of my time (1% in my bedroom to sleep, 1% in the bathroom, 1% in the kitchen). It has my TV, my computer, and the bigger TV. It's close to the kitchen and close to the bathroom. I only use the bedroom to sleep, as to try to avoid insomnia (I read it in an insomnia book somewhere: don't use your bed for anything but sleep or sex).
Short one today, but that's because I'm too busy playing games with Matt, haha.
"What is something you do well?"
I'm glad this topic is a little more positive than yesterday's. The thing that I think I do the best is sing. In fact that's mostly the only thing that I feel the right to brag about. As most of my friends know (I talk about it sometimes when we get into a 'singing' or 'choir' debate), I've been Section Leader of my choir several years in a row and got a I (the highest rating) at State Solo & Ensemble. Another great achievement was breaking top 10 in the soundclick charts for jpop.
Even though I love to sing, I'm the type of person who can't stand the stress of other people so I quit choir because of the teacher. I also had a run in with Sekai no Melody until I realized they were all a bunch of wannabe losers who liked to cause drama. There is an old saying (or if this isn't a saying, it should be): When many girls get together, drama starts. I'm not like that, and I don't like that. Another reason why I'm kind of a loner person. In school, so many people have tried to pin rumors on me and I tend to brush them off and keep to myself.
But I digress. The main thing I think I am good at is singing. That's my answer for today.
Writing Prompts
First prompt: "What is something you dislike about yourself?"
The #1 thing would have to be my lack of friends and the REASON I lack friends. I know perfectly well why I lack friends, I've attempted to change it, and I can't. This is just the way I am. (I started thinking about this when I was talking to Matt about it the other day.)
The only reason I lack friends is the plain and simple fact that I am bipolar. If all you out there in LJ land don't know what bipolar is I suggest you read the Wikipedia article but here's the condensed version: people who are bipolar go through "stages" of moods. I'll paraphrase.
Stage I: "Depressive phase" (aka "Bad Days"): Persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, guilt, anger, hopelessness, disturbances in sleep and appetite, fatigue and loss of interest in usually enjoyed activities, problems concentrating, loneliness, self-loathing, shyness, chronic pain (with or without a known cause)*, lack of motivation
* most of the time the chronic pain is in my stomach, I'll feel weak to my stomach for no apparent reason
Stage II: "Mania" (aka "Really Good Days"): Rapid speech, racing thoughts, decreased need for sleep, euphoria, increased interest in goal-directed activities, more severe version of Stage III
Stage III: "Hypomania" (aka "Good Days"): An uncontrollable impulse to laugh at things he or she does not normally find funny, 'artistic' state, flight of ideas, extremely clever thinking, obsessional behavior, ability to improvise easily on the spot, increase in subconscious movement*, excessive sexual activity, increased self-esteem, being more talkative than usual or feeling pressure from within the thought process to keep talking (i.e., cannot stop until the story is done)
* usually biting my nails
Stage IV: "Mixed State" (aka "Really Bad Days"): A condition during which symptoms of mania and clinical depression occur simultaneously. Mixed episodes can be the most volatile of the bipolar states, as moods can easily and quickly be triggered or shifted.
When I'm in a Stage VI mood, I will snap at people randomly, feel guilty later, cry randomly, snap again, have hot flashes because of random anxiety, etc. That's just the way I am and hell if I'll take medication to stop it. Also, if you're curious, today is a Stage III for me. Yesterday was Stage II.
Why the point of this? To explain why I don't have friends, naturally: when someone catches me in a bad mood, I go OFF on them. Normally what happens...
1) I get pissed off because of some small little minuscule thing that others wouldn't even notice.
2) Go off on my current target. It may not have been who caused it, most likely it's one of my really good friends, usually I bitch about it to them but occasionally my "target" is a friend that I don't really consider to be really a good friend, but because they caused the problem I go off on them.
3) Anger lasts 10 minutes, but in those 10 minutes I say something EXTREMELY stupid. Because I'm prideful I refuse to apologize or even acknowledge that I did anything wrong.
4) Somewhat-good-friend either takes this and understands how I am (becoming a good friend) or stops talking to me so often, and stops being my friend.
Believe it or not, 96% of people land in the last group, the people who know I'll do it again and prefer not to be stressed out by my bitchiness. The only two people that I know who have really been able to "accept" that I do this is Matt and Amanda. Dale is not one of those people because whenever I get angry I deliberately direct it away from him, because I'm afraid that if I do that too often he'll stop liking me.
The people who are my really good friends have learned that I do this and can get past it anyway. And I'm glad that they can, because this is my major flaw and what keeps people away from me. That and the fact that I'm a "loner"-- I genuinely prefer my own company and rarely talk to anyone (usually it's others talking to me, and usually it's unwelcome, at least at school).
Matt said the reason he doesn't mind it is because he knows I'm not that way all the time, and that I can be awesome when I'm not angry or sad. That's probably the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me..
[edit] My brother just got a leopard gecko and sent me a frantic message to help him on xbox because he thinks his gecko is sick. I gave him all the tips I could and he's still worried, and it makes me really heartsick and almost makes me wanna cry because he's so worried about it. He even has a little coconut for the gecko to go in when he has to shed. He's been really considering hard a gecko and researched it, and I am going to be really pissed/sad if the gecko is sick. I'll probably cry, hell, I almost am right now.
i need to update
back to school on sept. 4. gah. at least it's the last year. [that's what i'll keep telling myself. i'll pretend like i wont have to go into the workforce after that, and then have to go every single day of my life.]
btw. my username change ended up being first to mobcityMAKOTO but then upon getting angry at those people i changed it to winter twilight.
i like this name a lot better.
Begin killing me now..
01) six Eighteen [I'm not sure if I could even begin to enjoy being called "six" all the time though.]
02) gray scale [I like this one a lot, but I'm not sure if it's already taken. I tried many variations and they all seemed to not be taken but I might be wrong.]
03) F0REV3R [This is probably my favorite out of the three, and the one I will most likely pick unless I can get a really strong argument for one of the other two.]
BTW I will soon be getting a "new" graphics card (AGP Radeon 7500 128MB)-- I already bought it and am awaiting it at my doorstep. May the days fly by. :]